Today's Ramble 10.12.08

Hello,

I wanted to get my blog done early tonight before I start falling asleep and then it gets all crap and waffling heheh

I also thought I would get it done and out the way whilst Simon is playing his game and far away from mischief incase I need the toilet or something. According to the dictionary on Firefox and the ones in Office, there are a few words that used to be complete one words that do not exist anymore, for instance incase is no longer deemed a suitable word it has to be in case, and then you have anymore that is no longer a joint word it is now any more. It's crap! They're changing everything us oldies know as being the norm! It's not fair!

Fwog has just pooped lol it's so funny when she poops, she moves away from that spot until Simon cleans up after her and as soon as he's cleaned up she usually goes back to that spot bless her lol she's well trained, or maybe she has Simon well trained, the choice is yours fellow readers.

Charlene hasn't been on for a wee while that I've noticed again, I hope that she is OK and that home life isn't TOO stressful for her, saying that I might just have forgotten when she was last on because I just vaguely recalled talking to her of an evening before bed and I cannot remember what evening it was, I don't THINK it was last night, see how crap my memory is? lol

That's one thing that my friends have to remember, I have a completely crap memory so if I forget something and it upsets you that I've forgotten it, please excuse me but it's part of my poorly and I don't MEAN to do it. I don't blame everything on my poorly either it's just that there are lots of symptoms of the poorly heheh

Hammies need cleaning out again *rolls eyes* seems like only yesterday that I did them last, I can't remember when I did them last :S oh darnit this memory of mine is bloody dreadful. Oh, yeah the last entry of me cleaning them out on here doesn't necessarily mean I haven't cleaned them out, I know I blog everything but what I am having for dinner and what day it is, but I don't ALWAYS blog about my critters.

The rats SHOULDN'T need doing yet but they smell so I'm going to have to clean them out, what a lovely job that is then eh? lol It's the most time consuming of my critters but they are worth it, the craft little buggers. I've seen them plotting with Simon to get me to have a sleep so that they can raid the secret stash of treats that are usually within the house heheh

Have just added some yummy crippies to the Tesco shopping order :D here's hoping that Simon likes two of the flavours in his crisps, I know he'll like at least 1 but then he can always raid the rest of the crisps that are coming. I have just got a craving for crisps right now, will have to see what is left of the kids cheapo crisps. heheh

Topped up on custard creams now Simon is pigging them, when I have a craving for a cream I want to make sure that I have some in stock lol Simon wants to get a tin of something for his parents and my parents for Christmas, I don't know what I want to get Mum and Dad to be honest, Dad has the printer from me to be true, considering it would cost him a bit brand new, in fact I don't know how much those printers would be now, pretty cheap probably considering printers are upgraded and therefore outdated as quick as computers. Si is ALREADY talking about upgrading his PC and I am pretty sure he has not long upgraded it to be honest *rolls eyes* if it's not spiders it's pcs though :( I guess I shouldn't complain but his hobbies are kinda becoming rather expensive lately.

That reminds me, I haven't touched my puzzle books that I bought at Tesco the other day yet :S I should be able to start doing them if I get up a little earlier to try and have 5 minutes of chill and peace before the rat bags break my silence with their fighting which I have to say they are doing a lot of right now.

Well, the things that were supposed to happen after Mandy came to talk to us, STILL haven't started to happen yet, I've lost my already dwindling faith in the system now it's pants, I just cannot understand how simple tasks can be forgot but then again maybe if they are not getting their money from the government to help me then they're not going to be able to afford to help me :( Not that it's my fault that I am in this situation in the first place.

That's it from me for now am falling asleep again, think I'm going to have an early night again

Love to all

x

Today's Ramble 09.11.08

just a minute... yes I THOUGHT I had blogged on 7th, turns out it was saved as a draft, not completed and not published either rofl

I wish that Kezz and Vik would make up, it upsets me when they fall out because they are such good friends and are amazingly fun and cool when they are together, you can tell they were made to be together because they are not completely themselves when they are apart. Hopefully this one will blow over soon. I'm not commenting on WHAT they have fallen out about because that would cause an argument in itself. I have told them both that I am half and half. I don't think they would expect me to side with one or the other and I'm glad that I can still be friends with both of them.

I just got a craving for a chicken/turkey and stuffing sarny mmmmm what am I like lol *drools* I think it's because I have not eaten and I am thinking about Christmas heheh. I am drooling for real heheh!

This blog is going to have to be cut short this time round, I've got a splitter of a headache thumping away in my head and it keeps giving me a hot flush temperature. *phew it's hot in here* so I'm going to have to have a lie down which means bed time because I shall stay asleep or at least stay in bed for the night heheh

Goodnight fellow blogfollowers I'm sorry there is nothing interesting to read again, I will try catching up tomorrow in the daytime.

Huggles

xx

Ooops a daisy

I didn't realise that I hadn't blogged last night but one as well as last night, my blog fans are going to be complaining! LOL though I don't think they are reading it any more actually, after a few whining long posts rofl

I will try and blog tonight honestly!

Just thought I'd pop in and let you all know that I haven't given up on blogging heheh.

xx

Today's Ramble 07.12.08

I think the bad flare I was going through this past week has resided and I am back in remission although I am still in pain and constantly struggling to breathe, the pain is not quite as bad as it was during the flare. By no means am I anywhere near normal, but to not scream in agony every single thing I did, is good.

Euan acted very tired and sleepy today, I'm not surprised as he has a nasty cold though, I gave him a paracetamol not long before bed so that he could have a decent night sleep as he said that his head hurt him, hopefully that will have enabled him to sleep through til morning bless his little socks.

I am definitely taking him to Minor Injuries tomorrow morning as I am not remotely happy with the size and state of the blisters that he has on his hands, I am hoping that the hospital will have some magic solution for blisters so that he doesn't suffer in agony anymore. I must say though that he is being an incredibly brave little boy bless his little heart.

Bronny acted a little jealous when she realised that her Brother was having a tablet for his poorly head and I could see in her face that she was thinking up some thing that she would need a tablet for, before she had chance I turned around and said "no Bronny you DON'T have anything wrong with you so walk away please" and she totted away with her tail between her legs, defeated again lol

Simon scared the absolute crap out of me earlier today, I was making myself a cuppa and in a complete world of my own when he came crawling in very fast on his hands and knees, not only did he make me jump out of my skin, he really startled me, didn't even hear him til he was right by my feet, but he looked exceptionally strange too, he choked on his saliva he was laughing so much at the face I pulled in reaction to his daft caper. He tried to pull the stunt again a bit later but I had seen him come in whilst he was not watching where I was, I should have made him jump but I didn't think fast enough to wreak my revenge lol

After using vista for as long as I have had the laptop, I can see that Vista is a much better operating system than using XP so I cannot understand when people use XP over Vista, I think most of the time it is because they are too scared of the change and perhaps because Vista had such a bad name when it was first released, infact even before it was released it had a bad name. I think I recall that I mentioned that I would never use it, I think one of the problems was the huge upgrades one would have to make to a machine to have a fully functional operating system rather than one that refuses to run because the spec of the PC is just not good enough. However if someone is able to upgrade to Vista financially and with the spec of the PC and they don't bother, I think they are a slight worse than nutty rofl

Out of all the OS I have used I have to say that Vista has been the most usable and least disruptive to what I want to do. Ubuntu was good but I just couldn't use various hardware pieces with it, Kubuntu kept breaking and doing my head in, XP was fine as long as I had XP but I swiftly became bored of it and needed something else, now I have found that something else, although I don't have time consuming activities with Vista, merely the games alone that it comes with are a seller to me.

I gave Kezz and Vikki some more of the forum to look after today, I'm becoming more and more inclined to ask Jane and Clare if they mind me making Charlene, Vik and Kezz mods to the whole forum at some point as they are doing a grand job of what they have been given so far. Charlene has always been fantastic at notifying me of situations going on within the forum before anyone else actually, she will text me with the problem so If I'm not on the forum I can soon get my butt on the forum to sort the problem or situation out. She has been really good for that and I think that's really REALLY valuable in a member, for this alone I think she should be promoted to General Mod (Super Mod, Forum Tamer, whatever the title) as she has deserved the position for quite some time now but has not been recognised for it.

As for Kezz and Vikki, they have been working really hard throughout the sections that they have been given and I think that on the forum they would always be on hand to move a post to where it should be and that they would also help notifiy me should there be an issue on the forum.

I don't think that Jane and Clare would have a problem with having other moderators on the team I think that if there is anyone to persuade it would be Simon who argues that we don't neex ANY mods at the moment, which is of course untrue. BUT then again I don't HAVE to persuade Simon because he hasn't GOT to authorise it after all.

The other what, 1/3 of me thinks that Simon would be right in arguing that we don't need anyone else on board and I suppose he could argue that we'll end up with more staff on the forum than we have members. Which, at the moment with our exceptionally small member base would probably be true.

I shall leave it for now and see how we go. Kezz & Vikk have only been mods for 5 minutes, don't want to push the situation too far so soon.

Word of Warning

If there is ever any mention to Men's private parts, sexual encounters, lesbianism or anything that you agree is totally out of character for me? It's Simon messing about, last night he put "balls balls hairy balls I love balls balls balls" or something very similar to that wording in my blog before I realised and published it, thankfully I quickly skimmed it to check for obvious typos the second after I published so was able to remove it without too much damage being caused, although Vikki saw it because she had gone to my blog hoping that I'd have blogged for that day and yup there was the lurid comment. At least only she saw it though to only minimal damage had taken place.

So, to recap, if there's anything untoward or that doesn't fit in with the paragraphs arount it and doesn't seem to be written by me (everyone has their own style of writing) then please ignore it. It will inevitably be Simon. I don't mind expletives in the blog (in comments for instance) but I don't appreciate Simon adding his two penneth into my texts.

Thank you for all your time.

Carol

x

Today's Ramble 06.12.08

Had a bad night sleep again but I surprised myself because when Euan was coughing repeatedly at 9:30 this morning I got up to check on him and then instead of going back to bed which I normally would, I got up and took the children downstairs, I was really surprised with myself.

Bronny and Euan were watching the TV whilst I was checking the forum and checking email and generally messing about with things on the laptop. When they had their breakfast they started complaining that they wanted to go upstairs and play on the PC and the DS, I obviously said that no that wasn't going to happen, perhaps after lunch but they were certainly not going to play on them all day long.

Next thing I knew it was time to feed the kids lunch, when they had had their lunch they were begging to go upstairs on the pc and ds, I think I gave in eventually because I planned to have a sleep because I was feeling rather poorly at this point. Sooo Euan went on the pc and Bronny went on the DS, they were not to swap over because Euan cannot use the DS with his poorly fingers.

Have just spoken to Mum and told her how Euan is today, silly boy I still can't believe that he did it! :( Mum said the time to watch is when the bisters burst because if he gets dirt or germs in them he'll have one poorly hand. I told Mum that if I wasn't happy with his hand on Monday I would take him to Minor Injuries at Cannock as they're open all day now from 9am - 12am I think it might be best to get him in to see them anyway to see what they think of it to see if they need to do anything to ensure that it heals perfectly. I did what I THOUGHT was best to do at the time, hopefully it was OK and enough to save his hand from being really scarred.

Simon has been in a weird mood today, this morning he did nothing but tell me and the children off for EVERYTHING we were doing which was getting me down somewhat but I just kept quiet because I didn't want a disagreement with him, we don't argue, we've not argued in the 5 years we have been together this year, 30th December is our anniversary heheh

Two weeks til Simon's family's Christmas Meal, I thoroughly enjoy this meal and the chance to get together with Simon's Gran and Alf and Simon's Aunt and Uncle :) it really is a great time that we have, even if Michael and Michelle are there lol, it's not that I don't like them, THEY don't like me, I have NO idea why not, what the heck I did to make them both fall out with me I have no idea, but I'm sure that Michelle has something to do with it. We didn't have a family meal last year because Gran and Alf didn't hold one and I have to say that I well and truly missed it, I know it's not my family but, well, it's the best family family that I have got. I just wish at the house Christina didn't ignore me when Michelle and Michael are around she always entertains them and I get left in the lounge looking at the wallpaper whilst everyone else buggers off and goes about their way. I think they have gotten the hint this time now I keep taking my DS with me though, I just hope they don't think that I am being rude with it, I am just trying to give myself something to do other than die of boredom when I am left in the lounge all alone as Simon has gone off to help his Dad with something, the kids are playing with Adam and/or James and that leaves me, on my tod, in the lounge. *yawns*

Anyway I shouldn't complain. They're not my family so are not obliged to talk to me.

Time is ticking away as per usual, it's nearly Sunday and then it will be Monday and then it will be the dreaded school run again :S arrggghhhh lol I cannot stand the school morning, I think it would be even worse if I had to go out in the horrible weathers, but being at home and doing this end of the school run, getting them up, dressed, eaten and ready to go is bad enough, sometimes it is the worst bit even if it IS pissing down with rain outside lol

I still have this horrible lump on the back of my head that the doc said was a cyst and he told me that we'd leave it alone and that it didn't matter etc, surely it needs getting rid of? I don't want this anymore I've had it for years this lump but only recently it seems to have gotten bigger, say in the last 12 months. Maybe I now have a cyst on top of a cyst or something. Next time I'm due at the doctors again I will actually ask about it again and ask it I could pretty please have it removed because I don't want it on my head anymore, pretty please.

I have my feet appointment on Friday morning WOOT, I know nothing will be done that morning as it is clinic assessing whether or not I need podiatry care but surely if my toes are still septic then they won't just leave them they'll get someone to look at them as soon as possible? I want half of the toe nail removing on each big toe to be honest because I am fed up of the problems that I am having with them, even with someone cutting my toenails for me and treating my feet, I'm still going to have problems in between appts, because I'm damn sure that they're not going to see me every week, in fact I don't want to be seen every bloody week because that would mean that we would have to be up and out every week lol Might do me good to have a schedule though and HAVE to go out on a certain day at a certain time.

I'm still wondering whether or not to bother with this weightwatchers and/or slimming world malarky. I know that I want to lose weight and that I NEED to lose weight but I don't know whether I want to do it publicly Marjory Dawes style or whether I would prefer to keep myself to myself. I shall google both of them in a bit and see which one looks more suitable, I obviously have to also find out which one of them does a course near to here instead of having to go miles to get to the nearest course.

I've just confessed to Vikki and Kezz that I stole the last packet of salt and vinegar crisps out of the children's drawer and hid them to eat at my leisure as I knew they would not be there next day if I left them there. Not a major confession I know but it honestly has made me feel guilty, I'm so naughty :(

My skin has gone really sensitive again, just rubbing my wrist up against the soft and creaseless quilt cover whilst typing is causing me great distress in my wrist and my arm, in fact touching everything is making me feel sore and in discomfort, the clothes I am wearing are making me feel all prickly and sore too. What a strange sensation, I hope that it doesn't last long. I've had it before and it lasted a good couple of hours before it calmed down, hopefully it will pass before I settle down to go to sleep otherwise there isn't going to be much sleeping going on heheh.

The fan on the laptop is so noisy I am surprised that Simon manages to go to sleep when I am typing away of an evening. I am trying to type quietly but the fan doesn't give any thought to how noisy it is when it wants to cool the laptop down heheh. Using the laptop has actually improved my wrists since I have used it because it's flat and because I rest my wrists on the lappy where the warmth comes through so I am constantly being warmed at a constant and wonderfully warm flow. Heat therapy works wonders heheh. I just wish I could use the heat on the rest of my body. Maybe I should invent a massage set up that you wrap around your neck, elbows, wrists, knees and ankles and use the heat of the laptop to soothe away the aches and pains and in the meantime you are keeping the temperature of the laptop down heheh

Vikki's laptop seems to crash quite often when it gets hot, basically it is the defence mechanism of the processor, it is designed to shut down the whole system when it reaches a certain temperature and not allow itself to be switched on again until that temperature is no longer reached, when it cools down to an acceptable level. This would tell me that either Vikki's laptop fan is not doing it's job or the vents for the fan are being completely blocked so the fan cannot cool the processor down. Other than the screen which is seperate to the MB and processor the things that get hottest are the hard drive when it's in use and the MB and processor itself. If the fan that has been installed in the laptop is not doing it's job properly then it cannot cool the MB and therefore processor down to the required level. Perhaps Vikki needs to consider hoovering the case of the laptop on the outside bottom to ensure that no dust or other small particles are blocking the air vents and then look at where she has the laptop positioned, if it is on a soft surface then the fan cannot circulate air out of the laptop, it has to be on a hard surface to be able to work propelry, even a lapdesk would suffice to give room to circulate around the base of the laptop even if being used on a lap. :)

Ooh I got all technical then heheh

I just drank my tea at the ideal temperature then, which is just cooler than mouth burning temperature ;) heheh Geesh I'm such a geek

Have to wrap up my secret santa gift and make it look all pretty wetty as am sending it in the week as I have some monies in my purse :) Hopefully Simon will take me into the village so I can also go and enquire at the beauty place how much it will cost to have my eyebrows done and when they can fit me in. It's about time I had them done properly again and I am sure that I can spare the monies that it costs to have them done, though not sure as it cost me £4 back in 2003 I'm guessing it's not far off £10 to have them done now :S

Right, I'm just waffling now so I'm going to shut up and bugger off.

Ni Ni bloggywoggythingywingymajig.

x

Today's Ramble 05.12.08

Bad night.

Bad day.

Easiest way to put it, and least said is better for those who are fed up of hearing me talking about my health ;)

Spent day in bed AGAIN *rolls eyes*

Worst part about today, my beautiful gorgeous baby boy Euan burned his hand really badly. The silly bugger put his hand on the hotplate to see if it was still hot, seconds after I'd finished using it on the highest heat possible for a good 5 minutes! Jebus did I panic, Euan screamed and screamed and screamed, I grabbed him and went to the sink and started the tap on his hand forcing him to hold his hand underneath the tap. What a SILLY boy! He's blistered his fingers and the palm of his hand, not bad enough for a hospital visit though *rolls eyes* After the cold water on it for a good long time I took him upstairs and dressed it, I splodged it til it was covered with savlon and put non adhesive square dressings on it and then bandaged it up, and I cut some plaster strip to size and put it over his fingers to seal it all up to keep the moisture in as that's what you're supposed to do. I think anyway.

My poor little baby boy! It sizzled and everything :(

Bleugh my bedtime tablets are kicking in (I took them quite late tonight) and making me feel quite shitty indeed.

I don't think I need to say much more anyway I think I blogged for England yesterday and my words have all but run out rofl

Today's Ramble 04.12.08

Well helloooooooooooo :) how are we all today? Ooops sorry I'm not doing the dailies lol

Bad night again kept waking up with the side that I was lying on going numb and hurting too so I'd swap sides and then the other side would hurt, and when I lay on my back both arms went numb ? that hasn't happened before :(

When the children went to school I started with the Christmas Tree, because there was no way I was going to get it done myself Simon took over, now that is a first ever since I left home the tradition has been that I do the tree, myself and on my own with no assistance whatsoever heheh. So that is 12 years of tradition changed because I was not capable of doing it myself. I guess that some traditions have to lay buried in the past though, I think that Simon has itched to do the Christmas tree ever since we've been together and I've always done it myself rofl I think the new tradition will be that Simon does it, at least until I am better anywho.

Simon went to withdraw some of the rent from the cashpoint today, we always withdraw it in stages because we can't get £550 in one go obviously. Some people are allowed more than 250 on their cards, but not moi. I thought he was off out shopping for containers for new spiders too but he wasn't he literally went just to get the money.

I spent most of today in bed sleeping in one hour intervals, I needed a pee twice which woke me up! heheh I dreamt in one of the dreams that I went back to work for TNT doing the same thing of an evening but obviously a lot better with being completely healthy again (well, in the dream I was) and I ended up being the shift supervisor, I am not quite sure how but there you go, I was.

I'm trying to get bloggy done soon so that I can have a REALLY early night for me, switch off lappy, have a couple of games on the DS of the new puzzler I have bought and then switch that off too for a good night sleep. My chances of that are remote considering it's already gone 10pm heh

Bronny and Euan had their attention as usual this evening, as per usual Euan's time ran into Bronny's time and Bronny ended up going to bed as late as 830pm *rolls eyes* I really must sort it out so that they go at their proper times which is 7.30 settled ready to sleep for Euan and 8pm for Bronny. Would give me a little bit more time to myself between them going and me going to bed too heheh

I don't think I've eaten anything substantial today, with sleeping for most of the day I've not needed to eat, yet I am hungry now which is too late to eat so I'll have to satisfy my hunger with a satsuma or a drink. I have stopped eating through schedule and/or habit now and just eat when I am hungry, that is how I'm losing weight, it's what works for me so I won't have anyone tell me otherwise. I don't need to eat to diet I'm doing pretty good as it is :) ( I know I'm totally in the wrong but I doesn't care :P)

Jane asked me how I was tonight, I gave the response of OK thanks or something like that.

How do you tell someone that you are so mixed up with emotions at the moment that you don't know your arse from your head (look pretty much the same too) I'm happy that I'm finally getting some answers yet I am gutted that I still COULD be like this for the rest of my life, Simon took the liberty of reading the UKFM website because I hadn't told him what the responses were, most of them were positive that if I respond well to treatment I could eventually lead a normal life. BUT that is if I respond to treatment, if I don't then I have to get used to this crappy lifestyle that we lead.

What Simon is worried about is him, whether he will have to go out to work, carless to look for a job basically. If I become so much better that I do not need Simon as my carer for instance, then he will have to go out and look for a job. If I become more mobile so I cannot claim mobility allowance anymore, we lose the mobility car. It's things like that he is thinking about, I know those things affect all of us in the long run but I honestly think he's thinking "what about me" to be honest I might be thinking those things too if I were not the poorly person and if I'd be having to look for a well paid job that covered the rent and living expenses.

Then there's been the pain I've been in lately, the not one part of my body apart from hair not hurting scenario, in fact I don't think my fairy or my bum has hurt rofl :$ *blushes*

===================================================================

I wake up when the alarm goes off, my arm hurts stretching out to switch it to snooze, I get out of the position I was asleep in and get instant waves of pain from my neck to my toes, I take 30 minutes to get to the stage where I'm ready to get up, having gone back to sleep during that time, I pull myself up, more pain waves through my body, my feet touch the floor, they hurt this morning again then eh? my knees and hips scream that they're on strike but I force them to move, then I realise that I left my spine in bed, or that is how it feels, I rub my back into action, take my morning meds and stand up SHOLY HITE does that hurt my feet, the balls, the arches and the heels all scream in succession "get the fuck off me!" then walking, my god who took my knees and hips away and gave me graters instead, it feels as though every movement is scraping away cartilage and as though monkeys are twanging on my ligaments and tendons. I have made it out of bed! woo hoo..

I start towards the stairs, dreading every step, yes, my knees don't want to play stairs, the pain shoots through them so bad that each leg I put down gives way trying to save my knee from the pain, I finally get to the bottom of the stairs and I realise I left my hips up the top, never mind I'll get them later on .

I hobble towards the fridge, slowly ever so slowly, body will wake up soon, honestly. I open the fridge door and I grab for the milk, holy shit who made it so heavy? It hurts so much to lift it out of the fridge, but why it's only milk for heaven sake. I lift it to pour it into my mug and want to cry out the pain is so bad, why is it so painful to move my arms? I didn't over use them yesterday? Kettle weighs a ton with only one cup of water in it, again my arm screams with pain and tells me please do not do that again. Or was it more like pleading?

I batter my arms to the point of no return once more, is it once more? By making the children their breakfast, have you tried to obtain bread from a bag when your fingers belong to someone else, I keep grabbing and grabbing for the slices but they are not coming out of that damn bag, I realise that I'm not even grabbing at them I'm missing them by a Country Mile. Once the war that is breakfast is over I hobble aching with severe pain in my spine, back to the lounge.

I sit down on the sofa with a wumf, I'm never going to stand up again! My spine is still hurting as I'm not getting much support to sit upright, I need straps around my body to hold me up. My arse becomes numb within minutes of sitting down, I try to lift myself to adjust my sitting position and again my arms scream out and ask me why I hate them so?

I'm good, I can at least rest my legs until it's time to see the children off, then Oh no I have to get up, screams of pain shooting through my entire body, the feet to the neck telling me to go away and buy a new body and leave them to sleep eternally. I bend over to kiss and hug them, the waves of water rush around in my head and make me so dizzy, since when have we lived on a ship? My back creaks and screams with agony, DON'T BEND ME it says screaming louder and louder til it catches my breath, the children hug me back, it's worth it after all. A brief kiss and they are on their way. Then I have to manipulate my already sore and aching limbs into some sort of a wave to see them off through the window.

My job is done, I climb the stairs arm on banister screaming at me for lifting it once more, my hips, knees, ankles, feet, shins, calves, thighs and buttocks all screaming and shouting at me on the way upstairs, it's not the muscles though, it's something else, I can't quite describe where the pain is coming from, it's almost the joints but not quite there.

I reach the bedroom after my entire body has threatened to stop working all together, go on strike, pretend that it doesn't exist. I clamber onto the bed, go on lappy for a while, pain gets the better of me so I lie down, that's me done for the day. The evening is a repeat of the morning but with extra pain because I have to cook dinner too instead of just sitting down making sure the kids get to school on time.

You wanted the truth. It's there.

Unfortunately with no exaggeration or dramatisation.

=============================================================

Well, I think that I have blogged enough for tonight now. I'm offski.

Love and stuff.


Carol


xx

Today's Ramble 03.12.08

*grumble* "mustn't grumble"

hmmmm

today was a day

it's a day closer to Christmas

no, fuck it, it's my blog, if I wanna moan about what a barsteward of a day I've had, I flippin well will do.

I'm sorry. *calms down*

hmmm had a bad night again, kept waking up thinking that it was morning, wondering why it was so dark, was damned sure that I had heard the alarm but no appears not. heh I hate nights like that and I cannot actually remember a night where I have slept right through, I'm sure that they used to exist, honestly I am.

Caption comp on the forum is up for voting, I must remember to spare some money for posting Mr Humpty to the lucky recipient next week and hope that he doesn't get lost in the post, if it's Hannah that is the winner I'll hold on to him until I see her next if that's OK with her of course, no point posting him when there's a possibility I'll see her before Christmas, a minute one, but still it's there. That's IF she wins of course, she has the most votes so far :D It would be a shame actually if she does win it considering she is one of the ones who only come on the forum once in a blue moon, I would much rather someone regular won it actually.

Simon showed me the prizes on offer for a competition on bugnation, it's not fair, the first prize is a brand new unlocked mobile phone, then there's other really cool prizes, I wonder who they got to provide them with such wonderful prizes.

I might start looking for cheap trinkets on ebay so that we can have prizes for certain competitions, maybe the wholesalers bulk pack of things so that everyone gets the same thing :) that would be good :) or vouchers for different places, or chocolate, everyone loves a bar of yummy chocolate! :D

I have had to turn the brightness on the laptop screen down to a minimum because Simon complained that it was too bright. At least I'm typing on a white background so that I can still see what I'm doing, must remember not to change the text to something too bright so it is more pleasing to the eye for my readers :P I wonder if white on black will be too bright? It probably will be *rolls eyes*

That's weird, my DVD drive occasionally searches for a disk and I'm not doing anything for it to find a disk for? weird


I am aching a lot tonight and don't actually know if I'm going to get much sleep, I shall try but I doubt I'll experience much, I never build my hopes up now I think just getting a few hours would be enough, if only I could have a few hours of solid sleep, I can't even manage it in the day without waking up, it's just not fair *pouts* sorry I think I've already moaned about this tonight. *shuts up*

I must really piss you all off moaning about my health again, I have to learn to stop it so that you can all enjoy my blog instead of moaning about me moaning all of the time heheh I don't know if getting this laptop is a good thing or a bad thing, though if I wasn't on this I'd be on my DS typing one letter at a time with the dreaded on screen keyboard heheh it would be like using the onscreen keyboard on this because the general one had broken or something, sheer hell.

Hmmm the wind is getting up a bit, I wonder if it's snowing, we're forecast snow, hopefully it's not snowing too much, I don't know how Simon would cope with getting me to places in my wheelchair if it was thick with snow :S hopefully the places that need to be clear would be clear though. To be honest I've never seen a person out and about in a wheelchair when it's snowing, so I don't know if they jsut don't go out. I need to go out on 9th to hospital and then on 16th to the children's christmas productions, Simon isn't going to pull the "it's not practical to get you there stunt that he's pulled every other time when I have wanted to go to the school.

Euan's production is in the daytime at 2pm I think at the school, and then Bronny's production is in the evening at the church, we'll have to go and see if we can have a space reserved so that I can go and see both performances, I am not missing out just because I am poorly.

Mary had a little lamb, she tied it to a pylon,
10,000 volts went through it's neck and turned it's wool to nylon.

I can't remember all the other ones that were going around school when I were a kid lol.

Rabbit John pm'd me today and gave me some pleasant news after his normal heart warming messages that he sends me to cheer me up and keep me plodding on bless him, I'm not going through what he said on here because it'll all become obvious should he do what he iss hoping to do.

Well, it's 1:24am I really must consider going to sleep now but I have to wait for the forum backups to complete, I'm doing them daily now just incase you know, just in case, I would hate for something bad to happen to us and me have more than a day old backup, we maybe a small forum of oh so few members at the moment but it doesn't stop the oodles of posts coming in each day which shape and mould the forum into what it is, and when those posts are removed because they were not included in the backup, they were written especially for that post, they can not be rewritten so easily :( so it would be a bit of our forum that is lost forever.

Right I've waffled on and on again tonight, so I'm going to go to bed and rest my weary head now, finally falling asleep again heheh

ni ni bloggythingymajiggy

Today's Ramble 02.12.08

I'm in a good mood tonight, the rheumy chappy made me one happy person :D

This morning I didn't want to get up out of bed, I was so very tempted to tell Simon to sort the children out himself because there was no way I was getting up lol, I dragged myself out of bed though, even though I felt like crap.

When I've been lying or sitting down for some time and then get up and walk the soles of my feet REALLY hurt, it's like a weird pain that I can't describe, a bit like a pulled muscle in a way but a slight headachy feel and a cramp hurt too, it lasts for quite some time whilst walking around on them, I have no idea why they hurt so, it's pain all over, the ball, arch and heel all hurt, and the upper part of my heel towards my ankle too and the sticky out bones on the ankle also ache. Isn't it strange?

They're hurting now, in fact the only part of me that is NOT hurting now is, erm.. nowhere I can't think of a single body part that is not hurting so, my fingers feel so painful yet I'm stubborn and grind on through the pain because I am addicted to internet, all aspects of it, not just blogging and Tamed Nature, everything else too.

I was going to say that my head didn't hurt but my sinuses are playing up because of this constant stream of mucus that is going down the back of my throat bleugh, more than once I have gagged on it and tried so hard not to be sick as I am so very scared of being sick, so very scared.

Cut myself shaving in the shower this afternoon, it bloody stang like you never know what, geesh, I actually took layers of skin off my shin, enough to make it bleed, I've done that on my ankle before and they seem to bleed more than a slice and geesh did it sting when the shower was pounding on it (well, trickling actually because our shower is so crap but it FELT like it was pounding on it :S)

Euan was well behaved after school today and he played nicely on the PC/DS and went to bed lovely too, was very impressed, kept asking myself if that was my Euan or he'd been abducted by the invasion of the body snatchers eeeeek lol

Reminds me was forced to watch that film and so many other crap "B movies" back at college in film studies, we were supposed to write notes on each one and write an essay about the film after we had watched them, but most people seemed to use the film watching as an excuse to have a laugh and mess about, we were situated in the theatre at the college and the tutor always used to "pop out" of the lesson, no idea why unless he was hooked on coke lol shouldn't joke, as chilled out as he was that might not have been wrong.

Bought Simon and I a sub each (from subway) bought Si a chicken bacon lettuce and mayo on a foot sub which came to £5.50 and I stupidly had the 1/2 foot, I had planned to have the full one but wasn't thinking straight, i had steak and peppered cheese mmmmm

Ni Ni

Nearly there heheh 02.12.08

Saw rheumatology today, the Doc I saw was a lovely Irish man and he was exceptionally friendly but didn't understand my humour as much as I'd liked but we got on well. He knew that I knew what I was talking about with regard to prognosis, symptoms and treatments available which was good, he was actually relieved that I knew so much so that we could get through it all so quickly. He is as sure as me that I have Fibromyalgia, I just have to have a couple of blood tests to completely rule out rheumatological things and he says if they are all negative he is completely happy to diagnose me as having FM and will refer me to pain management as required. He was fabulous he really was, he was completely honest with me in saying that he would respond personally to me with regard my blood results be they one or the other, and then we'll go from there. I'm 99% sure that the blood results will come back as being negative in all aspects because, well, I know that the last lot done came back practically negative apart from a wee bit of inflammation but the good doc and myself put that down to my knee as it was pretty puffy at the time.

He said that he would respond to me within 6 weeks, so if I heard nothing from him by the end of 6 weeks, I should phone his secretary and ask what had happened as to why I have not heard from him but he said he doubted highly that would be the case. I am so happy that it looks like I am so so close to a Dx and finally treatment for it :D

Today's Ramble 01.12.08

WOOT WE'RE BACK!!!!!

I am so relieved I really am. The bastard had left such a mess in his wake though that we had to delete everything and thanks to me backing the forum up the other day (last Wed, should be every day but... well I won't slack now!!) we had a version that we could just slap straight back on there.

Our only hope is that the outdated and security risk script was within JOOMLA which we have completely removed and not with one of the mods I did on the forum to improve it better. :S If it's in one of the mods and we get busted again we're going to have to either find someone who can split the mods from the bare basics, or we're going to have to start completely afresh, new forum new software every member registering again etc. :S Not fun I know but that is what would have to happen if we're hacked again.

I only hope to anyone watching us, that it does not happen again, once is enough, I don't want that gut wrenching feeling ever again when I go to log in on my forum. *sigh*

Euan was a little crap this morning, shouting and mouthing and generally being horrid, he was hyper because of his trip today which soon turned into pent up anger as it usually does, not exactly sure why but there you go.

He went to "Santa's Wonderland" at the Snowdome in Tamworth, which was basically the idea of the panto that was on that Emma took them to see, and there was Santa and the Ice Queen. Euan was scared of the IceQueen bless him. When the production finished they were able to meet the reindeer and fuss them, after that they were allowed to play in the snow and have snowball fights and stuff how utterly cool is that?! heheh the Snowdome was the first all real snow indoor skiing centre in Europe :D He had a fantastic day but came home without one of his gloves, his scarf and his jumper. I'll have to phone the snow dome and see if they have them handed in if so put them in a carrier for us to collect next time we're over that way, or for my Dad to collect for us to save us going just for a few items of clothing.

He came home in a really argumentative mood and often completely ignored me, told me to shut up at one point and got really nasty with Bronwyn hitting and kicking her for no reason whatsoever, then he got really arsy, he only behaved when Simon came down. Simon's Dad came tonight and saw me in my PJ's :( and the lounge was a tip too, I forgot that he was coming to be honest otherwise I would have gotten dressed :S *blush* at least they are cute and cuddly complete cover up pjs instead of some sexy neglige or something pmsl *blushes again*

Both children arsed when they realised that they couldn't have PC and DS time, I didn't realise they had become so dependant on it and it had become such a ritual that they EXPECT to go up on them every night *rolls eyes* Maybe a break for a while from them both will do them good, it will do me good too, though knowing me I'll be on my laptop downstairs instead of actually giving them quality attention. Though, they have a set time of an evening before they go to bed where they receive quality attention without the other child butting in. They love this time and thrive on it, they don't look foward to bedtime but they look forward to their attention.

Simon managed to fix the forum after a lot of stressing about it, the barsteward had deleted the front page of our forum (index.php) to put his poxy message on there, stupid arsehole needs finding and shooting, I would shoot him in the balls and make him realise what it feels like to lose your most prized possession lol

Not many people actually came on the forum tonight to celebrate it's return but I am sure that they will all be on tomorrow at some point. I know I sent the email out to our members, but we'll find out how many did and didn't get it.

That reminds me, I need to check what email address that Laura is using and see if it is different to that that I have on record. Yup it's correct, it just surprised me that we didn't hear from Laura whilst the forum was broken, she must have not read my messages because they were in spam or something heheh.

I keep going on about the forum and it's fixed now, you know I've hardly been on it myself! rofl just knowing that it's there and working a treat is good enough for me, however I am going to go and do a backup now.

Huggles

Ni nI.

Morning 01.12.08

Had such a bad night AGAIN. Took me forever to get tired because of having that power nap at 5pm *rolls eyes* so I was up until gone 1am which meant I only had about 5 hours sleep by the time I settled down for the night, if that wasn't bad enough I kept waking up, Simon woke me at some point but I'm damned if I can remember why he woke me up. So yes, it's the morning, just about and I'm tired again already :( *rolls eyes*

Simon is playing a horrible game again where he has to kill things but it's just the realistic sounds of the gun and then the blood spurting out and he keeps dying too and the sound of a knife slicing too it's just too realistic sounding (well according to the films anyway I've obviously not witnessed someone be murdered in that way (shooting or stabbing)) not very nice at all, and he hasn't exactly got it on quietly either *rolls eyes* he always seems to play his games as loud as he can. I swear he doesn't want to hear the door being knocked. If they knock whilst he's pounding some "baddy" I'm not going to hear it and then by the time I realise there was knocking at the door, they're going to have gone, then I shall get the blame no doubt.

I'm hungry and there's not much left to eat in the house :( I need to be able to have loads a money so that I can pay the rent and so that we can actually eat. Unless I can 100% guarantee that Simon will have the £100 he owes me by Saturday to go with the rent, I can't do a shop to stock up.

We have more milk than we need again. It's typical when we have loads to drink the children don't want to drink it or have cereal but when we have bugger all to drink they want cereal and milkshake lol

That's it from me for now, just a quickie. Oh yeah, I've set up a blog for the forum members to keep in touch with each other, not sure how many people will bother though heheh

Today's Ramble 30.11.08

What a day, dying of boredom, not knowing what to do with myself, I didn't realise that the forum took up so much of my time, if it wasn't for the novelty of having lappy and talking to vikki today, I'd have probably ended up sleeping all afternoon on and off whilst the kids were playing on the PC and the DS.

Euan is bored of the DS now, I'm wondering if he will feel the same way when he has got his own DS to play with or whether he will be able to renew his interest in it because it's a different shape, it's his own and he'll have 200 games to play on.

Bronny has been a bit mouthy again today, no where near as much as yesterday but still enough to get my goat. Yesterday she was sent to bed without a kiss and a hug and some attention because of the amount of mouthing that was coming out of her mouth :( I was sad that I had to but Simon said she is never going to learn if she is not punished for it.

Today has been a bit of a write off again :S but it's my own fault for letting them sit on the PC and the DS all day :( well, since just before lunch which is when I got up again *Blush* I'm going to be dead tomorrow morning and probably struggle to get up on time but it's my own bloody fault. It's now 1:03 and I'm still sitting here wide awake on lappy *rolls eyes*

Simon's locusts are jumping around a bit tonight, they keep disturbing each other they jump on eah other and not for that so the one that got jumped on jumps on another and it's a vicious cycle and a bloody noisy one at that! lol

I've been in quite a lot of pain today which is why I've wanted to do absolutely sod all, though Simon told me off before bed tonight for not cleaning out the hamsters, THREE times today I've asked him to carry them downstairs for me for me to clean them out and he's ignored me. Yet, if I carried them downstairs myself I'd get a bollocking about carrying something like that in case I spasm and drop the cage and so on. I know exactly what he means and I know it's a HUGE risk, but what else am I supposed to do? I'll carry them downstairs in the morning if I'm not overly tired. (being overly tired means definite cage dropping spasms)

I talked to Vikki about the rabbits today, more than once Simon has complained about having to do MY rabbits for me and on bad days when they've needed a proper clearout he's said things like if I'm not fit to look after them I should rehome them... problem is I don't know how serious he is because he might threaten me that but on another day he'll do them without a complaint. I discussed with Vikki about what would happen if the worse came to the worse. She informed me of one option but hopefully with no offence it won't come to that.

Although I don't feed the rabbits or clean them out it doesn't mean I love them any less, I'd like nothing more than being able to clamber into their run and feed them and clean out their toilet and give them fresh veggies and steal a cuddle off them when they are least expecting it like I used to be able to, but I just can't get in there anymore, doesn't mean that I don't love them or care about them, I watch them quite often out of the lounge window, or from Bronny's bed so I can sit on the bed and watch them out the window, usually whilst fussing Oscar who has come in and realised the opportunity for a cuddle. :) In the good weather I've sat outside with them too :)

I think I'll sign out now as I've started to fall asleep and although I've not had the forum to post all my daily crap on, I still can't think of anything to write about :S *blush*

Good Night forum friends :)

xxxxx

An expensive way to go

We have been looking at foolproof software for our new forum and have looked at Vbulletin, it is amazing what you can do with VBulletin it's the best software out there. The only downside to it is the cost.

You can either lease the license for £55 a year, which means it'll be £55 every twelve months, or you can buy the license outright at £100 a year. The license is required to enable software and database updates and back up should something go wrong and if there is a problem with the forum we have support to help fix it.

It really is the best out there and if we could get the active members to donate towards it, we can have a new forum in no time and with VBUlletin on our side, we're laughing. If we can install the forum as it stands in to it too we're laughing even more instead of having to start all over again heheh :)

All we need is for AFMU to help us to remove the dodgy script and then the forum will be secure so there is no back door into the forum. Although I highly dougt a server that charges £6.99 a month would exactly allow a back door in THEIR software.

The only problem is that the majority of our members are absolutely skint so cannot help out any. Especially so close to Christmas if we end up being this side or the other side. Oh bugger. Simon has given up the fight and said that the forum is not worth bothering about and not worth the money that we would have to find. I am gutted that he feels that way I really am :( I don't know what has changed his views on it all, but he has to remember that he is not as devoted to the forum as much as I am, and some of the members as a matter of fact.

We were discussing advertising last night, where the advertiser will pay to have their advert at the top of the forum for a year thus giving us money towards the forum and hosting fees that we will have to pay (there will be a £20 renewal of contract fee every 12 months so that we can continue to receive support and updates)

It's a lot of money for someone who is so skint and doesn't receive much money into their bank but in the long run the forum will be better off with all the things we have to pay for, with the safety and security of a new server and the safety of a database with no back doors or loops in the system.

Hopefully on all hopes the script that is the security leak will be one of the mods that I put on the forum and not a major part of the forum therefore breaking it all and causing it all to collapse around me and be no longer a working database.

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Had a really bad night last night and woke up with a headachy head which has now turned into a headache :( I feel like crap and should be sleeping but I don't want to disappoint the children and have them not being able to do anything in the bedroom whilst I'm asleep. Though I have slept before whilst they are playing in here on the PC and on the DS so maybe....

I played sudoku yesterday and I have to say I have really gotten to like it, I never used to be able to play it but now I can do the puzzles, I cannot remember what game on the PC has the best version to play I know I have it on the Brain Training game but there's a version somewhere else on another game which is animated and I cannot remember which bloody game it is on,, I'll have to search through them all to find it lol

Dad plays sudoku and actually has a board where he can lie a situation out manually to help him win on paper, it's difficult to explain but it works for him. He loves playing sudoku :) he needs a nintento and the game sudoku quest or something so that he has lots of animated games he can play instead of writing them out on the piece of paper. Of course Mother could always let him play on hers instead heheh I think she's still addicted to Nintendogz and animal crossing to be honest. *rolls eyes* she's 55 for god sake! lmao

I wonder what games the children will be into when they get their DS's... they should get into something as they have 200 games to play! rofl Though I think that Bronny will but Euan flits around too much to be able to be addicted to one game bless him, I think he'll play footie a lot though because that's the sort of thing he would be into I think. Though he might completely surprise me and be into something totally out of his character and play it lots and lots, but I highly doubt his flitty nature will enable him to do that.

I've just put the Christmas songs on to try and make me feel a tad more Christmassy heheh. I'm sure I'll be in the mood for putting the decs on the tree eventually instead of just letting it sit there on the unit all bare. *sob* I was going to go on the forum and create a show us your Christmas Tree thread :( it's so not fair at all. That bastard MrSaFa should pay for what he has done to my precious baby of a forum, it is one of my children and now it's gone, it nags at my mind every second I'm awake and plays on my mind when I'm asleep so I end up dreaming about it again :(

Right I had better bugger off for a bit because I have a headache and I am falling asleep.

Ni Ni everyone. xx

Today's Ramble 29.11.08

Firstly I want to say shit shit shit shit shit. I cannot be without my forum! That thing is a big part of my life, goddamnit at one stage it nearly split me and Si up! We can't lose it, NO NO NO NO NO. If it's not JOOMLA and turns out to be one of the scripts I installed to improve the forum I am going to go apeshit I really am! Every single one of the installs passed as Test Successful on security.php which would lead the innocent, ie me to believe that it is indeed safe! Maybe the developer purposely left a back door open within the script and chose us to corrupt seeing that our Server also had a back door open. :( It's really REALLY not fair that we have been picked on. I mean why not pick on a nasty forum that is about nasty things, or a forum that is about role playing games online, some shite like that, not an innocent fun loving friendly family style forum that helps each other out when looking after animals etc. I am tempted to just set the new one up anyway just so we all have somewhere to go whilst we are awaiting the crap to be sorted out. Just because they have fixed the server it does not give them the right to put us in limbo on a suspended account until they can be arsed to find out where the problem is. We pay for our server space, we should be getting good customer care not sod it leave it until Monday. Not once did anyone say that they would resume on Monday so I knew it wasn't going to be worked on once they left for the weekend.

I am really annoyed and upset at this MrSaFa, he deserves bloody shooting! Seriously he does! I still cannot believe seeing it that fateful Friday morning, seeing that horrifying message on the screen that we had been hacked. :( I cannot believe the little twat went further and hacked the server too. If they had just hacked our account we would have been in receipt of much more help from the server I believe. I am just gutted.

I am sorry to go on and on about it, but the forum was everything to me, a place where I met all my bestest of friends, without the forum life would be so unfulfilled and boring, like it is now. At least, I suppose, I have my friends, but talking to them via email and on msn isn't quite as much fun as talking to them via the forum. :( *pout*

Oh well, it's probably gone forever now, all that wealth of information that we collected throughout the three whole years of existence. Gone. Vamooshed. :( I have to stop looking into the past and start looking into the future, we have to get back into gear, get new hosting, have forum software and start again. If we can fix the broken bit of the old forum I am tempted to move it across because like I said it is 3 years of valuable information.

Am looking at VBulletin software, it would cost £100 for a license but it really is the best forum software out there by far. We could also look at advertising to get revenue in to pay the hosting fees and the renewal fee for Vbulletin, which would be about £20 a year. Si said if we got the members to help us pay for it cuz we wouldn't be able to afford it all ourselves, we love the forum and all that but we certainly can't afford £100 to pay for it.

On to different matters now

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Didn't get up until lunchtime *blush* I was absolutely knackered and wanted to sleep in longer but I could hear the bellies of my children rumbling away like mad (lol not really but you know) so I had to feed them as they were absolutely starving after not being fed for well, weeks and weeks. *tee hee*

I fed them brunch and sat at the laptop hoping to get an email response from the host, it was then that I realised that they don't work weekends. *rolls eyes* I sat and kept an eye on the kids whilst they wathed TV for a short time, then Euan wanted to play on Sky Games so I paid for a 24 hour day pass for him so that he could play the games and not just the demos or the first 5 minutes of a game and then "pay up chuck" (not literally lol) comes on the screen.

I haven't had a sleep today because Emma told me on msn that she was going to pop round at some point in the afternoon to give the children their advent calendars :) bless her, really nice of her to buy them a calendar, I wish I had remembered to get Si and I a calendar each rofl

26 Sleeps til Christmas! I can't believe it heheh Mum has annoyed me about Boxing Day :( David is having his day on Christmas Day and because she wants a photo of all the kids she's invited him round on Boxing Day ASWELL which I think is highly unfair and stupid, to try and squeeze 7 adults and 7 children in the house is just bloody stupid. Well, I just hope they don't stay for too long because it's not going to be much fun considering my Brother has decided that I do not exist. :(

We're due at Simon's parents house for Christmas Day this year, which I am thoroughly looking forward to, she always puts on such a lovely spread it's really nice and I love the warm magical family atmosphere, and of course the children will not be causing problems this year because they will have their DS's to play with to keep them occupied instead of constantly nagging James or Adam to go on the racing game. James and Adam will probably be nagging them to let them have a go on their DS's lol (joke)

I know I shouldn't but I always look foward to the Christmas Dinner at Simon's parents because for some reason Christina piles so much on my plate, I actually have more than Simon and more than Gary, in fact it is more than anyone else at all! She knows I have a ravenous appetite when it comes to her dinners, they're always bloomin gorgeous! rofl :)

My Mum is exactly the opposite, it's always rations, and as my Sister is there too, I can imagine that we'll have one roast potato each... lol I know that she hasn't got a HUGE oven but still you know.... Though the food she puts on is actually nice even if there isn't much of it. Although there's only a tiny amount for some reason we never come home hungry. heheheh

I'm looking forward to Christmas this year, I'll have a Christmas pressie to open Christmas morning heheh which makes a change, normally I have to wait until we get to Simon's parents or my Mum's but I'll have the secret santa present to open instead heheh woot! I'm really looking foward to it. I know it won't be much, just a token gift, but it'll be nice to have a gift at all :D I'm excited about giving mine to, I think it'll be JUST right, will have to see :D

I have thought of another little thing that I can make out of a few other things and send to her as a keyring perhaps, as she does go out so she needs a keyring for her key/s

Ni Ni.

Bored bored bored

Simon is playing a game on his PC, just put kids to bed, now would be the time that I check the forum again for posts and reply to them and have a good old bash with them.

I THINK I managed to get in touch with everyone to tell them the status of the forum, hopefully the important ones will have all got the message, I guess it depends if the email went straight into their junk mail or not. We have done a forum wide pm before when there has been a problem so hopefully they will have already either added us as a contact or at least said that we are not junk.

I'm at stalemate at the moment, I can't get hold of AFMU to find out whether the problem has been fixed or whether we are supposed to be finding said corrupted file, even though we now cannot as we cannot get into our database or information to do anything with it, they've put us on a complete lock down and now that is it, we cannot do anything. They are not open at a weekend anyway so I can only get in touch with them when there is someone to get in touch with which is obvious but I bet they work weekends for higher paid hosting problems.

I am praying that they haven't just locked it down and are going to say, no it's not our responsibility to update files, just start again or something similar. I'm gutted I really am :( totally gutted.

I have sent the members another update with my apologies etc in it and I've not had any complaints yet. I just hope that everyone stays cushty and doesn't have a problem with any of their animals so they have to go and seek advice from other sources like our large competitors and then they find that they like it there far better in comparison to ours and never bother coming back.

I think I'm being to paranoid and dramatic, we will only lose those who were not really interested in the forum in the first place, these members will be reluctamt to leave.

Oh well, will teach me not to update the joomla sofwtare for the front end.

Well, according to Simon I keep falling asleep so I am going to pack up and go to sleep now.

NI Ni

Still no forum :(

I'm getting severe withdrawal symptoms from not being on the forum, other members are rather upset about it too :( It's so not fair and because they do not work on a weekend it's going to be Monday at the soonest before we sort something out, it's so not fair, because it was our fault they are not being too helpful at the moment. I don't know how many members will bother staying with us and how many members will just give up and find another forum and stay there.

I guess it depends on how many of our members are truly loyal to us. I've not heard anything from global gold either, I have paid for the first month in advance and I've not had confirmation from THEM that I now have an account and some webspace hosted by them.

Euan is playing on Sky games and really pissing Bronny and I off at the moment he is so crap at all the games and acts so thick and it's really really frustrating it really is. lol Bronny is doing my head in getting angry with Euan for being such a nob on the games lol

Am now listening to The Corrs, only when I sleep I'm banging my head up the wall now because Euan has no sense at all. I swear he is not all there in the head heheh bless his little socks. I can't believe that he acts so brainy at school yet at home he acts thick as piggy poop *rolls eyes*

Had a bad night last night, kept waking up and the hamsters were being noisy little craps and keeping me awake. Simon has said that when they go to the bridge I'm not allowed any more because they are nothing but stinky noisy little buggers :( bless them it's not their fault that they are active at times when we are trying to sleep. As for stinky as far as I'm concerned, they only stink bad enough for us to smell when they are overdue cleaning out :S erm yes they are a little overdue but it's not going to KILL them to be smelly.

I need to make some more mixture up for the ratties in a moment because have run out of their mix. I use the shunamite diet which is 5 cups of rabbit molasses, 4 cups of cereal and 1 cup pasta and 1 cup dog food. At the moment I am using puppy food because it it usually higher in protein for a baby doggy which is also ideal for growing rats. Said babies really are growing well now bless their little socks, I am sure that Hannah would be really proud of her babies right now, I just need to get them out and give them a decent photoshoot.

Right, that's me waffled on about loads for a while, will leave bloggy at that for now.

"Ni ni"

Batman & Rudolph lol

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This is how the children came home last night lol beautiful are they not?

Today's Ramble 28.11.08

Well, at this present moment in time I do not know what the future of the forum is, AFMU (our host) have emailed me and stated that they think that the breech was via our account and that there must be a insecure script within our account that has caused the breech initially of our account and subsequently the whole server. Even if our account was hacked, it should not have spread to the server, their "security hole that they didn't know of" shouldn't have been there in the first place so I can't be put to blame on this.

I will await another email off them to see what is going on, I have apologised to them and explained that I have not knowingly installed any insecure scripts the only scripts that I have installed of late have been SMF modifications to supposedly improve the forum, none of them came up with an error and none of them knowingly altered the security of the database either.

I really hope that it can all be fixed and that afmu give us our account back at least so that we can have a look at what could have caused the problem in the first place, perhaps we could manually re-install the security.php file if we believed that it was that file for instance that had caused the problem.

Hopefully they can tell us exactly which file was used in the script or something I'm not too sure how it works, but if it's simply a file we can change then obviously dependant on what it does to the database, we will change it.

I just so so so want this to all go away, it's not fair, if it is our account it is not directly our fault that the server was compromised, that bit was their fault. :(

HOPEFULLY we will all wake up in the morning to our forum back up and running -1 days postings, and find an apology in my inbox telling me that it wasn't us after all and therefore we were reinstated. I can only hope. Probably a false hope, but if I go to sleep thinking that at least I'll actually go to sleep.

Nothing else to blog really, kids really enjoyed Christmas Fayre and came home with their faces painted lol, they looked wonderful! :D heheh Euan sang for the first lot of songs but refused to sing for the second lot, so he was racing around being his usual hyper let's find everything self and poor Aunty Emma was rushed off her feet trying to catch up with the little bugger trying really hard not to lose him because she worries about that more than anything because she knows that's my number one fear, her coming back in floods of tears from somewhere (anywhere!) in floods of tears because she has lost him.

Set the Christmas tree itself up tonight, will set the decorations up tomorrow night when I have seen how Oscar relates to the tree, if it shows signs of him climbing it and generally being a little shit, we'll know that it cannot go in the lounge where Oscar sleeps, although there's not really anywhere else for it to go so it would have to be packed away until another year where we have the space for it.

*sulks*

Nothing seems to be going right at the moment, every spare penny I have at the moment has got to go towards the rent which means as far as I am aware there is not a penny for Christmas Presents. Hopefully I can make 2 + 2 = 5 this year? rofl chance would be a fine thing!

Right, it's 1:50 now so I had better bugger off to sleep, kids aren't going to be bothered what time I went to sleep the night before heheh.

Ni ni everyone.
Ni Ni :D

xxxx

Bollocks

Logged in mid morning today to find the forum is gone and that the web host has been hacked. That's it, no Tamed Nature :( it's been gone all day :( I just hope when I log in in the morning that it's all back as normal and it's not just a blank mess.

I'm just devastated, totally devastated I really am I never in a million years thought it would happen to us, I know it's not us personally that's been hit but it still hurts as much because we have no forum to be on.

If we lose any members I'm going to hold AFMU personally responsible :( if and when they get back online. I just don't know how many members we are going to lose that I've not managed to tell about the forum :( I guess they are just going to presume it's gone for good. I wish I'd gotten off my fat ass and updated the member list :( Though if I find the paper list I have I will have more members that I can email. Hopefully all my loyal and long standing members will have already got the message though.

I do not want to say more about it because I am just so upset about it :(

Today's Ramble 27.11.08

Today has been a waste of a day if you ask me, I still have the headache that I tried to sleep off this morning but it's a lot better than it was. I'm falling asleep now though and will probably go to bed when we have watched the documentary about a twin who was born with two heads.

See here

Well, watched and now upstairs and not going to bed just yet, I have woken up a bit, I am only going to blog and then it's bed methinks. Simon has read a little bit of my blog and has decided that my blogs are boring and that I am boring and there must be no-one who is really interested in reading my bloggies.

To be honest even if no-one read them I would still create them because I am not typing them for a certain person, I am typing them for me, as a diary for me, because I have a shite memory and can't remember this morning half the time never mind yesterday or a few days before, in fact I've been known to forget something that has happened within hours of when it has happened and when I query myself I get really confused.

Also I've done things before that are reasonably mundane but have to be done, and then within minutes I'm asking myself whether I actually did them or not, I honestly cannot take my mmind back until the monent that I am supposed to have done that something.

Kezz & Vikk are quiet tonight, I think that they are busy sewing to be honest, they both have quite a stock of bears to make as their Christmas stock heheh I wonder if they will manage to do them in time or whether they will end up running over and having to get other gifts or make apologies, I know they are troopers though, unless the amount of bears that each of them are due to make is an unrealistic amount they won't manage it. Bless them, they have known for some time what they are going to do though so maybe they should have started sooner. It's obviously up to them how they work though innit? heheh

Morning 27.11.08

Just woken up. I woke up this morning after not much sleep anyway yet again, with a headache from hell, I had obviously slept wrong again and my sinuses were blocked too (lmao I just put blogged, I'm addicted I tell you!) which was causing a killer headache which was also making me feel ill. As soon as the children had gone off to school and I had been on lappy for a short time, I realised that I wasn't doing headache any good so I decided to try and sleep it off flat on my back to try and drain the sinuses and relieve the crick in my neck. It has relieved both for a while but I have to be careful not to slouch in the same position which helped worsen the neck in the first place.

I used to have physio on my neck because of the pain I had in it, it was only relieved when she worked on it and removed the knots of muscles, that was a huge relief it really was. I wish that I could be referred back for physio on my neck but I would have to see the doc and seeing the doc is no good and useless.

I just realised it is Thursday already? It only feels like yesterday that it was Monday. lol

I hope Janey poo is online tonight, I didn't see her at all last night, I'm hoping although this sounds bad, that she is poorly rather than dead. EEEK We always joke about not dying before seeing each other again the following evening, irony would be so evil at this point. In fact when she logs in tonight, because she will, because she's NOT dead... I'm going to give her the biggest huggle ever. Just because I will be relieved that she is indeed alive and well.

Today's Ramble 26.11.08

Well, what a day, firstly the night was as crap as ever, not only did I not get a decent night's sleep but when I did go to sleep I had bad dreams which I had to wake myself out of so that was even less sleep and even more being awake, sometimes I really do wonder why I bother jumping into bed. I woke up with a screamer of a headache too, which was because I had a muscle in my neck/shoulders that was cramped really tight in fact there is still two balls of tense pain now, they feel like lumps under the skin they are that knotted up. I think until they go away I'm not going to get rid of the headache I have had all day. I am going to try really hard to sleep on my back to alleviate my neck tonight, not sure if it will work or not.

I would like to go into town to get some real feather pillows from Dunelm if they do them, I noticed that Ikea do them from £6.99 which is good value for a pillow, I just need to hopefully get them at that price from somewhere where we don't have to put petrol in the car specifically to go to.

Simon has told me off again tonight, he has been in my paypal account borrowing money and he saw the Christmas present to a friend and because he knows I spent £20 on Secret Santa ALSO he went rather mad at me, apparently I am just giving money away and I might as well draw it out of my bank and go and hand it out to perfect strangers on the street because apparently the people online are strangers really and not people that I should be spending SO MUCH money on :( I get him in a way but it'd be different if he wanted the money or if he was buying someone something, he says that because they are not family I shouldn't have paid out so much if anything at all :( Simon just does not understand the act of generosity. I have spent in the region of £300 on him over the last few weeks and he has the nerve to complain at me for spending money on my FRIENDS? Just because he hasn't made REAL friends on the forum or probably ANY forum he just doesn't understand it.

WARNING ICKY GRUESOME PARAGRAPH ABOUT SEPTIC TOE

My left big toe has gone really bad again, I had an ingrowing bit in the corner of my toe and thought I solved that with a v shaped nick and pulling out the V, but I must have left some behind as it went septic again, only problem is because it's swollen so much and has been for so long the rest of the nail is growing and cutting into the swollen bit and causing immense pain and infection, everytime I just touch the toe it just oozes puss. I really need it seeing to, but the only problem is the appointment on 9th December is just to assess my condition and see if I need long term podiatry care instead of a one off fix. This has been waiting so long that my toes have had lots of repeated infections and I have been in so much pain, I give up. :( I know that they are not going to help me straight away on that appointment so I am going to have to put up with this pain for a while longer. It's oh so painful and oh so stinky and messy with the puss it's disgusting, I have to put a clean plaster on each day with antiseptic and it's doing NOTHING, it's not getting the swelling down or ridding me of the infection which you would think it would do.

Sorry for that gruesome information, maybe a bit graphic and perhaps a warning would have sufficed up before the entry... hmm.. yes I think I will do that. *done*

Only going to be a short blog tonight really because I don't have that much to report, using new mouse with lappy, it is pretty with pretty morphing colour on it, the label morphs from red to green to blue and back to re again which obviously gives some colours in between, like purple between blue-red, yellowy colour between red-green and a turquoise colour between green-blue which is quite nice I think that colour is my fave closely followed by the purple colour and then the "yellow". It has a setting where you can choose the dpi with the hardware, and then use software on the lappy to change it to the extreme. The good thing about it is that I don't have to move it far across the board for it to go from one side of the lappy screen to the other, it's a bit difficult to get it to click on smaller items though because I have very little fine motor control left.

Have been in quite a bit of pain today, which I wasn't dealing very well with :( I hate the big pain days because I can be quite pissy or have a bit of attitude and that is not fair on Simon or the children. :S

Remembered to order my oxygen woot, and I remembered to sort out the tax credits too, apparently I am entitled to claim all or part of a certain amount of money that was possibly unpaid to us during 2002-2003 tax year. IF it wasn't paid I can either claim it all because Anchor is not with the children anymore or part of it because he has a right to claim the rest, or none of it because he will have already cottoned on and secretly claimed for this. He never gave me a penny during that year ANYWAY never mind the tax credit I was entitled to for the children themselves. Perhaps it isn't worth even trying because I know that he would keep his hands tightly in his pockets when things were needed shopping wise, so if he had it he'll never ever pay my half back to the tax office. That's even if he is in this country.

enough about him anyway don't want more nightmares (I'm being serious)

In fact enough blogging for tonight, I'm not in the mood anymore :( *sob*

Today's Ramble 25.11.08

Nothing much to say about last night only that it was crap again, I find that if I sleep on my right hand side I am in immense pain and numbness down the whole side within minutes, yet if I sleep on my left hand side I face Simon and have been accused of often snoring at him lol so the only position I can really sleep in is on my back, I'd never be able to sleep on my front, I can hardly breathe if I lean forwards never mind actually lying on my front, no way would I even try it incase I couldn't get up again lol

My word next week is December, OH MY WORD!! *panics* I'm panicking for nothing really because we always do the shopping the week before Christmas so I can't see any change in this year lol My only annoyance is that I have spent £80 of the shopping money on grocery shopping, yes we have to eat (according to Simon) but that's £80 that could have bought more Christmas presents for my children :(
Bronny knows that Santa is pretend now, I have threatened her no Christmas if she spoils it for Euan and tells him that there is no Santa, at 6 years old it's a bit young to find out that your parents have been lying to you for the last so many years. That was the first thing that Bronny said to me, "so you have been lying to me all these years" she queried why there is a picture of her with a reindeer in the photographs that I have, I simply explained that reindeer are real, santa is not. I was asked how I know he isn't real I told her that if she wants to believe he is real then that's her choice, she doesn't believe him but she doesn't believe that I've been buying the presents all this time either rofl she's growing up really quickly :S

Isn't it strange how children have developed so quickly compared to when we were children? We were so innocent and knew nothing at the ages that girls are getting boyfriends and getting pregnant now, we didn't even know what it was or how to do it until school lessons taught us, I know that a group of people at our school were rather promiscuous but I didn't think for a minute that they were able to do such things. I'm confusing myself now but I know what I mean. Bronny knows a shit load more than she is letting on to me, I am trying to find out by way of deduction how much she knows but when I try to talk to her directly about it, I get a giggly embarrassed little girl, so out of respect for my baby girl I don't delve any further into her life.

Speaking of Bronny I have to make an apporntment at the doctors for her, she claims to have had a headache for the last 3 weeks running, and when we were talking and messing about tonight she called out in pain and said that her head was really hurting her. Not sure if she's pretending or not, I don't THINK that she is, but if I get her in with the doctors tomorrow night at least I have had her checked over. I'm probably going to be told to get her in with the opticians but she's not long had the all clear on an eye test when we lived in Gnosall :S She faked to get herself a pair of glasses but obviously the optician knew she was faking the results.

Geesh I'm tired tonight, moreso than normal, I keep falling asleep whilst trying to type this lol
Oh, I've just had a power wake, where I am wirde awake for a few moments, but now I've gone all sleepy falling asleep again. It won't be long before I'm signing out and going to sleep.

I hate Tuesdays. Well I don't but I kinda do, it takes me an hour to get the kids in bed from their bedtime at 7.30, Euan has half an hour until 8pm, and then Bron goes to bed and has half an hour til 8.30pm, by which time I've used up the entire talking to Jane time. I then only have 30 minutes with her, whih can be a lot but then again it's not really that long at all, then I'm off to watch CSI at 9pm and that finishes at 10pm, by which time she has signed out for the night.

I need to sort out the childrens' bedtimes actually because with the way they re doing it at the moment Euan is ending up going at 8pm and Bronwyn 8.30 whereas Euan's bedtime is 7.30 and Bronny's is 8. I need to put Euan to bed at 7 so that his half an hour of bedtime gives him a bedtime of 7.30 which is his proper bedtime, then Bronny's half hour goes from then which means she is in bed for 8pm. It would make things much easier and I think Euan would benefit from having an earlier bedtime, especially as he is falling asleep in the daytime at school.

Ooops it's 2am I had better bugger off to bed now :S well, just finish the bloggy wog then I might go ni ni lol

I've been tired all day, even after my sleep this afternoon I felt tired :S it has been a relatively bad day today :( which is quite usual O well, never mind.

Right I think it's time for me to go to sleep properly now I have got to get up early in the morning for school, in like, five hours time lol oops!