am so tired....

Hi all,

Am really tired tonight, need sleeeep lol, I'm going to try and not go to sleep too early tonight though, I'm going to be a good girly.

At least I don't have to get up early anymore. Simon was supposed to be swapping his tarantula for a gecko and the chap was coming round at "about 9" in the morning, so I had to get up and get dressed ready for about quarter to nine. Alas the bloke's missus has told him he's not allowed to swap the gecko or he moves out too, so he's backed out on the deal, which is a real shame as I fancied having a gecko in the house, I think they are really cute. Especially Tokay geckos which is what it is. The only bonus to it is that I don't have to get up early any more. lol

So, how am I REALLY? I'm exhausted and have back ache and all I did was unload a pile of clean dry washing onto the bed and sort it and put it away. Emotionally I'm fine, happy actually, I've been to see the neurologist and he is referring me to see a neuro-psychiatrist because he feels as though the problem is with software and not hardware. I don't mind either way it would just be nice to have an answer as to what is wrong with me really. I want to be better too, he said he believes that it is curable.

I'm so tired all the time too, I have a rest in the day, which at the moment I NEED, and then I sleep from 8pm until when Simon comes to bed and then I go back to sleep until I get up in the morning, at weekends I am up at 11am ish and then I'm back in bed a few hours later, I'm fed up of it and want my life back.

I will have to find a job when I am better but I have no problems with that, I don't mind looking for work and doing a job as long as it is not physical, I've never been any good at physical labour, all the physical jobs I've had I've had to quit before long because my body just won't do physical work, it's not that I'm lazy it's the pain that is caused, like back ache and joint ache.

the next thing to consider is, how much of the problems that I have is actually down to this problem and how much of them are just there anyway, I know that my knee is due to arthritis, but exactly how much of the crippling pain is due to arthritis and how much of it is due to my poorly, that's what I will call it from now, to make it easier to refer to, because I still haven't been given a label, perhaps the neuro-psychiatrist will label it for me, I thought it was psycho-somatic, but the neurologist (Dr Leonard) said that it was not psychological that it was something more than that something deeper in the workings of the brain. I am looking forward to finding out though, because the brain is a strange and wonderful thing, I know that some people have been so poorly with the brain that they are 100% sure they cannot feel or move their legs, and that it has been a genuine problem, the patient really can't move their legs, but it has been found out that it is software based and not hardware.

Shopping online for Bronny's Christmas presents tomorrow, will probably get most of it from Argos to be honest, will be easier cuz then I can reserve it and Si can use my card and go to the store and order the bits and pay and pick them up just like that (computerised system) which will be far easier than going to other online stores and paying for delivery costs and wondering whether or not it will come in time. Far far better than actually physically walking around toys r us or something like that anyway lol.

I will do it tomorrow though so that Si can collect the things on Monday when the kids are at school instead of trying to get them in the house and hide them from Bronny on Saturday or Sunday. She'll only try to find them knowing her when she knows that they have arrived in the house and she will hear Simon opening the cupboard which the stuff will be hidden in and she will find everything, her's and Euan's stuff.

Right that's me done for a while, Bronny has just added me into a group conversation so I'm going to bugger off and watch what goes on in that ;)

Love to all and Christmas Merry you to.

Huggles

x