Today's ramble 31.10.08

Well, what can I say about today? It's been as much the same as any other day really only I didn't get up til gone 12 this morning, I was actually woken up by a dream where I dreamed I fell down the stairs, and as soon as I started to fall down the stairs I woke up in a jolt because I could actually feel myself falling, I wasn't actually falling of course but it was one of those horrible dreams where you wake up in a jump. One person told me once that it is actually your heart that has paused and your body jolts to get it going again? I doubt that but still.

The children were as well behaved as normal although they were just waiting to get on my PC and my DS, roll on Christmas when they have their own DS's, I bet they'll still beg to go on my bloody PC! rofl I got Euan a Ben 10 game in the end and Bronwyn the High School Musical making the grade or something like that, I want to give them them as soon as they arrive so that they have something of their own to play with on my DS but Simon won't let me, well, it's not really up to him in the long run so... yeah....

Simon is fiddling with tanks and heat mats and stuff again I have no idea what he is up to *rolls eyes* He just told me he was putting the heat mats on the thermostat because the temperature of the frog's tank is now too hot. *sigh* One minute it's too cold and he's buying heat bulbs for it etc etc and the next minute it's too hot so he's had to plug the mats into the stat to make sure they stop working at 84oC

Think we're going to bed soon so I shall sign out and try and blog a bit more on my DS later on... nothing much to report really from today, same old same old. Oh, Solicitor says he's posted the cheque out to me today so hopefully it will get to me tomorrow.. Seems strange that they've got it when I'm pestering them and they didn't have it before, perhaps it's been sitting in an in tray or something. *rolls eyes again*

Good night for a while anyway.

xxx

Carol out.

x

Carol in on DS

Speaking of DS, has anyone seen the new DSi? It's basically the DS made slimmer still + SD slot in place of GBA slot, so - GBA slot, + poxy camera and if I recall correctly they are asking £159.something for them, which in my mind is a bit of a rip off, oh both screens are touch screens too, not sure why you'd want dual touchscreens to be honest heheh but still...

Oh did I say the cheque was on it's way? woot! I'm so excited about getting my laptop :) it means I won't have to sit struggling all nite on this thingymajig and I'll be on my laptop typing away on me old blog which inevitably, ad unfortunately for my readers, that I'll be able to blog even more and even bigger bloggies! Though compared to others that I've read, they are long enough already. Says me with the gob that never stops I run out of breath before I run out of what to say heheh.

Secret santa is exciting I must say, only one person accidentally told me who their partner was but that was by powers of deduction from me because of something she said, in response to finding out I've given her help and some ideas for a gift to get for their partner, I'm really happy with who I have been given because I know exactly what I am going to get her :) In fact I'll probably order it tomorrow so I can guarantee it getting here in time for me to send it out but I'm not going to put a clue in I don't think because she will deduct who it is from what I'm going to send her :) not saying any more as ears have walls rofl Sausages? woof!

*NOTE TO SELF: don't scratch itchy shut eye with wrong end of stylus, it still hurts*

Excuse my typing I am half blind rofl :) (joke sorry) - what, sorry that I'm not half blind, or sorry that I made a joke about it?

In my mind being physically and somewhat disabled it gives me almost the right to take the piss out of the inflicted, it obviously doesn't because, well I am white but that doesn't give me a free ticket to a take the piss session.

The damage that would only be done to me merely by the vibration of the angry crowd coming towards me would be ample enough thanking you! *tries not to imagine such things before bed* my nightmares are bad enough thank you! lol

lol I'm imagining angry crowd being followed around the streets of my village by two big, fooking great big elephants ridden by the owners of the corner shop. lmfao

*behaves*

apologies to all for being so naughty lol

falling asleep now.

ni nj

Today's ramble 30.10.08

Well, the Social Worker (Mandy) came around and she showed me the service plan which is basically to show me what she has tried to put in place to give us support from the services that are available. Emma Moll (my OT) is due to phone to arrange an assessment for Simon so that she can sort out some help for Si so he can go out and be himself for a couple of hours a week whilst someone is at home looking after me and all my needs.

There is supposed to be a Young Carer coming out to discuss what they are going/able to do with the children to get the children out of the house and into the fresh air and doing things that they can't do at the moment whilst I am poorly. Hopefully something positive will come of that.

I need to contact Emma Moll to arrange for a grab rail to be placed on the entrance to the property because at the moment I am using Simon to get up and into the house, this is not really suitable as it means that Simon has to be available every time I go through the front door. I also need to discuss with her the fact that I am going out in the wheelchair every time I go out now so perhaps a two way ramp would be in order to make it easier to get out of the house without Simon having to bust a gut to get the wheelchair out so I can then struggle to get in it to go out as he cannot obviously lift it AND me over the threshold of the property.

Bronwyn had a later bedtime than Euan tonight, I put Euan to bed and then allowed Bronny to play on my DS in our bedroom until what was supposed to be about 30 minutes later but ended up being an hour later. Cheeky monkey kept saying "just finish this game I'm in the middle of it" and that was at 8pm and at 8:25 she said the same thing and I actually checked and it was a different game all together about 3 games on (3 games between her saying hold on and me actually taking the DS off her).

It's my fault for not being attentive of the time or anything, in fact with not having a sleep I've been rather ill this afternoon and even more so this evening :( I might go to bed in a minute. Can't focus, spasms are really bad and feel like crap.

Emma has absolutely spoiled the kids rotten again with big baskets of sweets and chocolates! *rolls eyes* seriously she's bought an absolute fortune of sweeties for them, they were scoffing them loads and I kept telling them that they should stop eating them! Little buggers, I'll take a picture of the basket and what's in it tomorrow if I remember for you all and you'll wish that you had an Aunty Emma rofl Well I might add to this in bed, will see how I feel, for now I'm going sleepybyes. Night night. x

Back :) now on DS HEH I really need a laptop, I'm so fed up of this stylus typing it really does my head in. Going to call the solicitor in the morning and chase up this bloody cheque, unless I was supposed to have signed something and the solicitor screwed up, or tnt's insurance company are being right awkward buggars! I really could do with this cheque soon, we promised our landlord it would be any day now :S Though he's being really cool about it, as in not bothered. Hopefully he will stay that way. I am hoping at the latest to give him his money as a christmas present heheh, though half of it has to go safely away as a deposit for this place. When the Lanlord signed the Contract for 3 years I was so damn happy and relieved this will be the first time we will spend more than one Christmas in the same house since Si joined our family :) woot!

I'm half looking forward to Christmasand half not. I'm just wondering where the heck we're going to get enough money from to make Christmas better than any other Christmas that we have had, the kids have always been happy with what they have received but I would very much like to make them MORE than happy. I would LOVE to get the kids a trampoline but Si won't let me get them one. I suppose with their track record for accidents it would be wise to avoid something like that heheh. Would still be great for burning off their excess energy and all but it seems to be a complete no go with the boss. :(

We're with Simon's parents on Christmas Day this year and with my parents for Boxing Day. Clare and Neil are home for Christmas too so we will get to see them :) not that they'll be particularly bothered in seeing me as they are so distant to me that we don't even talk on the phone anymore :( I really miss her, we became quite close and now nothing she doesn't give a rat's ass about me. I'm not being selfish but you'd think with me being so poorly that she would actually make an effort? Nah not my Sister :( I feel like an only child with my Brother disowning me too. Wonder if Olivia got her birthday card this time round as moonpig sent it again for me, knowing me I have the wrong house number on there, I can't remember if she lives at 137 or 139 lol both look right, I couldn't even tell you which one I sent it to. :( lol I'm such a tw@

My hamsters sound like they are digging their way to China lol I wonder what the hell they are doing, one is tossing *snigger* himself around in the sandbath and the other seems to be digging a hole to China lol

Euan was really tired tonight and fell asleep within minutes of being put to bed bless him. He's been really tired all week actually heheh bless his little heart, he's going to be buggered when they go back to school next week poor little mite bless him. Bronny has been tired the last few days too bless her soul.

I wonder when I'll receive a reply letter from Jane ? hmmm it's quite exciting actually heheh I'm 32 years old and I'm excited about receiving a letter. Who cares though I love it! rofl

I'm also looking forward to other things coming in the post, I'm due some more delights from KPK heheh, a kave and a corner house :) I can't wait to receive them and see what they look like :D

I've still not received a confirmation email from Lovell pets where I have ordered my hemp, dog food, cheap rabbit food and a few other items from (all for ratties mainly)

That's all for tonight, I'm really bushed...

Night night.

x

morning ramble 30.10.08

Sitting here nervously awaiting the Social Worker, I keep thinking that they have had someone sitting next door and they've recorded the times I've told the kids off rather loud lol :S I think that everyone shouts at their kids at times though.

I had a really crap night's sleep last night, I just couldn't get to sleep and couldn't get remotely comfortable. When I finally got off to sleep I ended up waking up in pain *rolls eyes* so I would then struggle to go to sleep again :( one big horrible vicious circle. bleugh

Euan is playing on Sky games and Bronny is sulking because I won't let her take over and play the games instead of Euan.

They've just had a two player game and now they are still arguing over who is going to play.

Social Worker here now.. back soon.

Today's Ramble 29.10.08

Hello Blogger

Today has been pretty much like every other day this week, got up, fed kids, did dailies, lay on bed whilst Euan went on the PC and Bronny on the DS I'm thinking of getting a couple of games for the children to play on my DS especially as there's a good chance they'll have one of their own to play with after Christmas, IF Em manages to get it them that is, it's a lot of money for her to spend on both children. Even if she doesn't manage to get them there will be plenty of time that I'm not using my DS so the kids can play on it during those times. Bronny just needs a game where she looks after a virtual pup or kitten or even a horse maybe petz would do her. Euan would need some kind of racing game of some sort, maybe mariokart will have to have a looksee. Will look tomorrow, that would be nice for them yup yup :)

I did say when I bought the DS that I'd never allow Bronny OR Euan on it, but they are older now so I can trust them not to totally trash it.

IF Em does get them a DS each I think that it will make a world of difference with their behaviour especially Euan's :) We could expect a lie in every morning to because the chilldren would be forced to play their games quietly until we got up. I think that if Em doesn't manage it, I will save up to get them one each, I'll text her tomorrow and see if she's any closer to winning them because I can start planning games for them if she's managed to get some. *stops waffling*

I'm quite looking forward to playing games against Bronny actually lol we'll probably be really sad and play on pictochat lol

Anyway, enough DS talk lol was talking to Charlene on msn tonight and we got talking serious and sad again, but within minutes after we had finished what we were talking about were giggling and taking the piss out of each other again. It's been a long time since I've had a friend that I could really trust with my deepest darkest and that I can also be naughty and they're not offended by my soiled mouth and daft antics, you see the REAL REAL Carol swears like a trouper most of the time. Charlene and I have the kind of relationship where we can tell each other to fuck off and we laugh and giggle about it without taking it personally. I'm not saying I CAN'Twith my other friends, I just wouldn't as they don't seem to have the same make up as Charlene and I, I think it's called not bein common as muck rofl soz Charlene that was aimed at myself more than anything. Charlene is one of my bestest buddies. :)

Jane is a bestest buddy too, I loves my Janeypoo like a lil Sis that I always wanted and I'm forever in awe of her intelligence :)

Clarebear is also a bestest buddy who is an absolute star she ain't got a bad vibe or hatred in her whole entirity she's a good egg and I lubs her to bits.

Vikki & Kezz are next on the list of bestest buddies the inseparable duo that they are, I lubs em to bits I does, they make me laugh they does, especially their mohair addiction!

Bronny wrote me a note this morning, she has been having more dreams that I am dying or have died in them and obviously said dreams are really upsetting and scaring her. All I can do is reassure her that I am not dying and that I will be fine.

I feel so bloody awful that my beautiful princess is having such horrid thoughts and even worse dreams, she's only 9 ffs she shouldn't have to think like that. I am going to ask Mandy tomorrow if there is anything that can be done about that. I really want my baby to be happy and not think things like that.

I'm still nervous about Mandy coming tomorrow even though I know there is nothing at all to worry about. Mandy being the Social Worker who is coming out to give me the report of her initial asessment and to do a review, although none of the agencies that Mandy had contacted after the IA have actually been in touch with us. *rolls eyes* to be honest I think she forgot about our case until Tuesday when she called to arrange another meeting.

Euan's behaviour has been challenging but we've not had a battle full scale tantrum with him since that Monday morning in which he had the hum dinger of a tantrum that had me on the phone talking to the Social whilst in floods of tears in the first place. He's had his hyperactive nutty moments, but I've seen them swiftly turn into fist clenching, teeth grinding bursts of anger which lasts mere seconds but it is scary enough to witness.

Right, falling asleep now so nite nite.

xxx

Kittens :)

Blik, and Waffle :) two kittens that I adopted from vets and looked after until I could look after them no more due to the fact Oscar hated them. :( I had them from 23rd July 2007 - February 2008. Beautiful babies they were, Waffle was my absolute fave. I wonder if they would recognise me now? Heh

ramble / amble

Incidentally (in answer to a hypothetical question I pondered last night):

amble

1.	to go at a slow, easy pace; stroll; saunter: He ambled around the town.

2.	(of a horse) to go at a slow pace with the legs moving in lateral pairs and usually having a four-beat rhythm.

–noun

3.	an ambling gait.

4.	a slow, easy walk or gentle pace.

5.

a stroll.

ramble

1.	to wander around in a leisurely, aimless manner: They rambled through the shops until closing time.

2.	to take a course with many turns or windings, as a stream or path.

3.	to grow in a random, unsystematic fashion: The vine rambled over the walls and tree trunks.

4.	to talk or write in a discursive, aimless way (usually fol. by on): The speaker rambled on with anecdote after anecdote.

–verb (used with object)

5.	to walk aimlessly or idly over or through: They spent the spring afternoon rambling woodland paths.

–noun

6.	a walk without a definite route, taken merely for pleasure.

Today's ramble 29.10.08

I was just thinking about how much I think I am enjoying my relaxing days and giving the children something to do at the same time, but then I realised that I am missing so many of my friends, I hoped to see Charlene on MSN tonight but she didn't log in, maybe she is too busy at Chez Charlene, I don't know, perhaps she's had a stressful day and opted to have an early night? I hope not for her sake.

I kinda hate Tuesdays, when I'm called away by CSI so end up being away for the last hour of Jane's online time, and Clarebear's too, Lisa's too so it seems, but oh how I love my CSI and wouldn't be without it!

I need more hours between the children going to bed and my friends going offline, the only way I could achieve that is put them to bed earlier, but as Bronny is already protesting about their joint 7:30 bedtime every night I don't really have much chance of doing that... not that I would anyway rofl

I'm not sure what to do about that to be honest, whether I SHOULD be forcing Euan to bed 30 minutes before Bronny because she is 9 now and he is only 6, it seems unfair that Bronny should have to go to bed at the same time, I distinctly remember after a certain age our bedtime would go up half an hour every birthday until it reached 9pm... but if you work on that, the children will be going to bed the same time as me some nights, I'll have to have a chat with my Mum and see what she thinks is the best way around it. Bronny whines like nobody's business that she is not going to bed at 8, 8.30 already because all her friends go at around that time. I really should consider putting her to bed later, it's better than it was though, it used to be 6:30 then 7 and now 7:30, BUT they are still going at the same time, maybe a 15 minute slot with all the messing about and talk time they get, by the time I've got round to settling Bronny down it's at least 15 minutes after Euan anyway.. but I really cannot see him going up to bed before Bronny, it just wouldn't work, he just would not do it, and Bronny wouldn't stay downstairs on her own either. *rolls eyes*

I roll my eyes a lot on these blogs *rolls...* rofl oh! I have to scan a picture in tomorrow that the children have done for me, it's absolutely beautiful and brought a tear to my eye, bless their socks :)

Oh I just had the "horrible-ist" thought ever, I just wondered what Simon would do with the picture and the rest of my belongings should I be dead, like not wake up in the morning. ewwwwwww gruesome thought.

Do you ever contemplate what would happen to all your loved ones when you shall pass? I constantly wonder if my Brother who has disowned me at present, whether or not he would be upset at all... If I died.. you know? Then there's wondering how my parents would take it, because I am the middle unwanted kid anyway, the boring one that shouldn't have been, I should have been a boy and so therefore I shouldn't have been me sort of thing... I wonder how they would feel if they had a phonecall from Simon telling them that I had died... what about Clare, my Sister, she hardly ever talks to me, I spoke to her on the phone momentarily the other day and I felt so god damn awkward speaking to her, like she was a complete stranger? Well she is now, she doesn't know me and I don't know her, same with the kids, they have no idea who I am on the phone and are not capable of keeping a conversation up with me... it's like there is no feeling there? Like I'm just a nobody? So... how would she feel... should I die by morning.

Then there's considering how the internet world would feel, well they'd only know if they were members of TN and Simon logged in and said "Carol passed away this morning in her sleep" or something, do you think he would do that? Contemplate letting everyone on the forum know? Would he bother? He knows so many of you are good friends... it's just whether he would think about it at the time, I don't know how his mind would work. If he did there would be the question of how many of you would be remotely upset? I wonder how many of you would talk to me if I was just a member of TN and not the boss *has just remembered she didn't do the forum backups today ARRGGGHHHH* *makes note to do it tomorrow*

Then I think about how my beautiful precious children would cope, would they be strong and carry on or would they be emotional messes and require special help to get them back on their feet. I don't know how they'd feel actually... nor do I know who they would go to, should I die? I am the only legal parent and legal guardian at the moment, so... if I died would Simon have to apply for custody from "him", would he want the kids himself, would he just hand them over like objects because he now has his own family? I have no idea.. He'd probably say that Si couldn't have them just to spite him and then dump them with foster parents or get them adopted or something...

I'm in tears here thinking of this, it's ripping me apart, but I have to think about it, I have to think what would happen to my children should I die. IF there is feeling after death, I would miss Simon terribly but I would miss my children so god damn much that I'd want to be dead dead, as in nothing, black hole emptiness.

What happens to us when we die? Is our life on this planet in a body all we were destined for, or is there more instore for us, is death really only the beginning like was written once? If so, what is life after death like? Has anyone ever been there and come back, as in died but was brought back round. Is that where people who are in coma's go? Do their souls temporarily delve into the life after death but be there like watching a film, so you can't interact but you can go places, see people and stuff, but they don't know you're there?

Do we really meet the souls of our animals at the end or are we destined for separate places... if animals come with humans then where is the control to make sure a savage beast cannot come into the same place and eat us all up bit by bit, slowly whilst cooking another one on a turning spit above a nice warm open fire... do the flames of a fire really show shapes and images to those who look carefully? Does everything that WE don't know about have a conscience?

What a world we live in, plenty of questions from I as I wander aimlessly along the path of ramblement, I never intended to become this fanciful tonight but I enjoyed it, I enjoyed delving into my mind and my imagination again, if only I could talk pictures so you would get the image of what everything I was thinking about was like... but maybe it's better that I cannot, so it makes your conscience and mind work harder and make pictures out of my text and imagine what life would be like yourself...

scuse me, I need the toilet.

rofl *is now in bed on DS* what a magical mystery tour I have taken us on tonight, I think any "Dear diary" blog out there woud look whingy and weak compared to tonights' ramblings.

Speaking of ramble, how is it different to an amble? geesh I'm so cold tonight, lol I missed th c off the front first time round lol that sounds so right too. Though saying that, I've not felt old for quite some time, ill but not old, there is a difference, I know.

Hamsters are running around making lots of noise tonight. naughty lil buggers .

That's it from me, I'm falling sleep.

Ni ni

Over and Out.

x

flippin shoppin

... eats my pennies up all the time :(

I sulk and pout oh yes I do, I had £220 in my bank this morning thanks to my DLA payment, £160 of that had to go towards the rent, I've got nothing to show for taking the money out of the rent in the first place yet as the things that I ordered have not yet arrived, apart from some shopping last week. At least the rent is going to be paid though so every penny that I get on a Saturday is MINE all MINE until I need to stock up again, but this week's money is mine and I have every intention of spending it too! lol... brief pause there whilst I had to race off and check something on my bank and I was right, I hadn't allowed for money going out tomorrow so I've now sorted it out so that my standing orders will be honoured tomorrow now... which obviously means that I owe about £20 back to the rent, so now I'll have to make sure I pay that on Saturday *rolls eyes* at least I've checked though, would be embarrassing tomorrow morning when the shopping doesn't go through again and I get a call from Tesco Stafford asking me to find another source of funding (like they did that time I forgot before about direct debits going out and stealing the money out of my bank BEFORE the driver put my shopping through. *rolls eyes*

I hope that pizzas are not out of stock tomorrow, they were out of stock last time so Simon couldn't have them which was a complete pain in the butt indeed.

Anyway, to change the subject.. the children AND Simon have gone off the chicken nuggets from Tesco because they have no flavour anymore (the value ones so I'm not surprised really) back in my day if something didn't taste nice or tasted of nothing we were forced to dollop some sauce on it so that it tasted nicer! rofl, I can't see why they can't do that? huh? rofl anyway, that means there is about 4 bags of chicken nuggets in the freezer that are not going to be eaten, there is also other stuff which I have bought for Simon to go with his dinners as there are so many things that he doesn't like? Well, he didn't like them. I've spent a fortune on trying to find something that Simon WILL like and will continue to like *rolls eyes* at the moment I've not found anything so his diet continues to consist of chips and beans, *rolls eyes AGAIN*

Maybe I should just go on strike and tell him to cook his own meals and cook something for the kids whilst he's at it? rofl that would be rather nice, for me to not have to stress EVERY day over feeding their faces and making sure they're having balanced diets and not just full of crap.

Says she who is still only on one meal a day :S

*shuts up*

I is out.

x

Meh 28.10.08

I already have an awkward little boy standing at the side of me asking when he can go on my pc *rolls eyes* I long for the day when I can have my PC AND my DS back to myself rofl I built a rod for my own back I suppose, never mind.

I went to bed not long after the weird session, at 9ish and then was woken up by Simon at about 23:30 when he decided it was time for him to come to bed, unfortunately taking the cat protector off the bed and doing everything we normally do for bed woke me up, I was able to do a small blog, but I found myself drifting in and out of sleep until about 3am ish when I gave up and posted the blog and fell into a sleep that I wish was deep. After this it was the usual night of drifting in and out of dreaming sleep, wishing that I could go into such a deep sleep that I wouldn't be disturbed by the world.

Was woken at 07:30 by the alarm for Simon to get up and await the delivery of his filter, boy is it big! It's bigger than the average bucket! Then again at 8am so I could try and phone to cancel/postpone my foot appointment. I managed to get through and postpone the appointment until 9th December! Which, unfortunately is their next available appointment, it is very difficult to get in for a podiatry appointment!

I drifted in and out of sleep until about 11am, constantly being awoken by the children pissing about making lots of noise, calling me because one has hurt the other, they are SUPPOSED to be tidying their bedroom at this point. *rolls eyes*

I got up and made the children some food and now I'm being nagged to give up my PC so that the children can have their PC and DS time. *rolls eyes til they fall out* I really wish I hadn't started this, as long as they don't expect this every evening when they come home from school. At least they're not watching the TV for hours on end anyway.

Well, I had better be off. Stinky boy Euan needs my PC now and Pooh Face Bronny needs my DS (I'm only saying that because they are standing over my shoulder reading what I type lol.)

Right... Gone is I.

3..2...1...

x

Today's ramble 27.10.08

Hmmmm after the last tripping entry I'm not really sure where to start lol, no wonder I went to bed when I started my weird hallucinating journey lol

I've often questioned the tablets, but when I went off them for some time in '07 to ensure that it wasn't the tablets affecting me, I still continued to have the symptoms that were in question. Though, I think I am actually worse, although I can actually talk now (than when this thing first hit me)

I really need a new doctor, one that remotely understands what is going on :( Dr Westwood was a fantastic doctor and she truly cared for me and gave a shit about how I feel. *sigh*

Euan's behaviour has been turbulent at times, he gets himself all worked up and usually releases his temper on Bronwyn, he has become so like his Dad it's frightening. Even with having my PC or DS to play with he's still stupidly scary, poor Bronny must have so many bruises.

We have to tidy their bedrooms by Thursday afternoon so that the woman from the social can see a nice tidy bedroom instead of an absolute bomb site lol

I am quite nervous to see what she's put in her preliminary report. Most people will avoid the social like the plague, I invited them to come into my house.

Just a small one ]tonight as I lkeep falling asleep.

Ni ni

x

Mon 27.10.08

I'm still bloody livid about losing all that blog I did last night because I was a stupid arse, roll on that damn cheque so I can purchase my laptop! rofl

Today has been as eventful as yesterday, got up around 12pm and fed the children, when they were fed and watered I made a mug of tea and came upstairs, I was planning to go on my PC, but alas that wasn't to be, Euan wanted to go on it as it was his turn today *rolls eyes... what have I started?*

Euan went on the pc and Bronny went on my DS, after a while they swapped over, no chance of a sleep for me as Euan kept disturbing me, every time he saw my eyes shut he started talking, it was almost as if he was keeping an eye on me and making sure I DIDN'T go to sleep *rolls eyes*

Had another proper dinner tonight too, I had a piece of turkey quick cook breast steak done on the grill (George whatsitface, Foreman?) and boiled basmati rice and some green beans and a couple of boiled eggs mixed in there too, and it was all mixed up in a bowl and a tad of gravy poured on and mixed in to add the flavour. Yum Yum :)

Saw Charlene for the first time today in a picture that she put on the forum, very pretty and only slightly what I imagined ;)

Was millimeters away from smacking my head off the keyboard then as I'm dropping off to sleep, maybe the face would have typed something interesting out? lmao

I haven't bothered logging in to msn tonight because it's taking me forever to type this little blog and it gets me REALLY irate when I'm talking to my friends on msn and I make a mistake typo, and then I make another one. It's so degrading, I did better in Year 9 of school :(

This is no good I'm falling asleep so often now I'm even beleiving that I had typed a lot more words than I actually have, and my auditory hallucinations are back again.. that bit is quite funny actually.......

I am in what sounds and looks like the sewers at the moment listening to water plopping and plipping and plooping, and now the people with the white coat are coming dow the ladder to take me away...Must escape.. no, it's no good, I need money to get onto the higher level where there is civilisation, instead I have to live in the dark ages with dinosaurs and monsters. I can't get onto the higher ledge without paying some money, where am I going to get the money from to pay to allow me through, is there a simple way to get out or is it as difficult as it looks. maybe if I go under the water there might be a dry cave hiding on this level, somewhere I could get through to get away, but there is one cave which I can get into, it has new supplies and tools within it, I've taken everything that is available and suddenly... there is a magic comb that you use to comb your hair and you can wish for anything that you want and it comes doubled. OW OW OW OW I just bashed my top tooth on the bottom tooth and it really hurt. Oh, I can't stay awake now I'm falling falling fallig into this mad deep sleep that I cannot awake from so time to go now I thinks yestis

belated Daily Ramble 26.10.08

*calms down* right... here goes...

Yesterday I ended up just sitting in between Bronwyn and Euan, Euan on my pc and Bronwyn playing Zoo Tycoon on my DS, they were both in their element, and here was me, bored as anything, I just lay down on my back and rested, it did me the world of good because I actually felt fine in the evening, less pain than usual, was still there, but it was bearable, I could easily cope with that amount of pain. :), I even logged out of the pc at 10ish and went and cleaned out my stinky rats! Woot! :D

The day was weird really, everything was calm and quiet, made a refreshing change heheh, I'm still not happy with Euan and Bronny playing on girl games though because of the nasty games that are on there, the swearing and shooting people dead. As long as I stop them from playing those games specifically everything should be OK, after all the site has the most games online in one place than I've ever seen. (I will be reporting the site to school though, I don't think the kids in school should be playing on a site that has so many inappropriate games and stuff - yes I know I'm letting my kids on it, but I've been watching them like a hawk to ensure that they behave.)

Right, I have to get off the PC now as Euan wants to go on it again *rolls eyes* I am beginning to realise that I have made a mistake allowing them both on my stuff lol, roll on when I get my laptop so I'm not left with nothing to do.

Huggles to all

Carol.

x

Rant rant rave

I did it again! I spent literally 2 hours typing away on my DS doing my daily ramble for yesterday and when I came to save it so I didn't lose it, I tapped on the wrong button and it all disappeared quicker than you can say jack, and nothing I could do enabled me to put it back :(

So much time. Wasted.

mini-ramble 26.10.08

I woke up initially at 9am but Simon had said that I wasn't allowed to get up "early" because I've been better healthwise by not getting up, I wish I hadn't gone back to sleep though as I ended up waking up feeling like crap. Nothing new there then heh heh

I am lounging on the bed with Bronny one side playing games on my mobile and Euan on my other side playing on my PC, I was correct that some of the games look rather unsuitable for children on girlgames247, Euan was playing a game in which he was shooting a cartoon boy and real looking blood came out an then he slashed him with a samurai sword and then to add insult to injury, big letters on the screen "finish the fucker off" thankfully you would think .. Euan couldn't read it, but the ever helpful Bronny stood behind him and read it out! I'm not sure whether to laugh or cry right now, incidentally to finish him off Euan used a grenade and blew him to pieces.
I am going to have to have words with school as Bronny plays on this website in school time! :O *blush* they obviously don't watch over the children when they are playing on the internet! :(

Bronny soon got bored of the games on my mobile so I am allowing her to play on my DS for a few hours lol.

Carol's out.

x

Today's ramblespamble 25.10.08

Well, kids got home about 9.30ish and were truly knackered heh but had enjoyed themselves thoroughly, been on a double decker bus and had candy floss and a donut and they had been on the fayre rides including a junglehouse (funhouse - do you remember them at the fayre?) and one of those big wheels where you get put in a cage and you go round (not flat to the floor though, vertically like a wheel on a bike etc only it stays still and just spins) and you can opt to put the brake on so you don't spin round in the cage itself as the whole thing goes round, geesh I can't remember what that ride is called! I have made it sound so complicated! Bronny came home with some colourful lights flashing bunny ears and Euan came home with a sword/wand which is neon blue and has 2 different flashing patterns and an always on or off options lol I'll take pictures perhaps to share heheh.

At least they have been somewhere they can talk about with their friends heheh Emma is also planning on taking the kids to the switch on off Birmingham's Christmas lights on 8th November bit early for Christmas lights switch on though lol

Reminds me that Bronny famously switched on the lights last year at Gnosall :) bless her she was so shy for that, she was chosen because she was smallest girl in the choir rofl, she was picked with the smallest boy whose name escapes me right now *rolls eyes* hmm *wonders what text emoticon looks like for rolls eyes rofl* she was quite a star that year with her classmates *still rying to think of name* rofl

I have a sore (I have just found out by accidentally touching it and now I definitely know it is there!) on my toe next to my big toe where it has obviously rubbed wtf those toes have been next to each other for 32, damn years, wtf would they have a grumble with each other now? rofl

I have a feeling that lad's name was something totally chav like Levy or something, his Mum reminded me of a "typical chav" although I didn't notice her wearing any burberry rofl Will ask Bronny in the morning. Although it's really bugging me now :S Patience prevails and all that rofl

Bronny seems to have grown up overnight, there is something about her that is definitely more grown up anyway not sure what it is though, whatever it is I likes it heheh :)

Ratties have almost eaten through one of rattybums hammocks which is a shame, a great shame in deed, I was going to open up the cage and let them have both halves, but thinking about it they are better off safety-wise in the one half then they can't fall as far.

Simon is moving ever closer every time he gets closer, I love him to bits forever and ever but I need a bit of space to sleep heheh speaking of sleep....

Goodnight lol

Til later my bloggy friends

xx

Waffle 25.10.08

Got up at 12 with a splitter of a headache and rather poorly to boot so I fed the children their brunch and went and lay back on the bed, I didn't actually go to sleep though as cramps and spasms put paid to that so I let Euan go on Sky games and Bronny went on my PC on a website called girlgames247, I have yet to decide the suitability of some of the games but still.

We had dinner early as Em was due at 6ish and I know what her idea of "ish" is lol bless her . I cooked jacket potatoes for all and even insisted that the children were having the same and made them have it too, especially as they were going to be out in the cold for a couple of hours in Walsall, they were done in the microwave and then crisped off in the oven mmmmmmm Euan had jacket spud, burger and beans, Bronny had jacket spud with cheese and burger, Simon had jacket spud with beans, so jacket spuds all around, even I had one! lol. It is the first proper meal I've had in weeks lol

I'm happy now though, I've got enough to think about, with my deteriorating health, Euan's behavioural problems etc, without even starting to think about the weight issue, truth is, if I don't get off my ass and exercise AS WELL AS dieting I won't lose a significant amount of weight anyway so I am better off just eating a sensible low calorie, low carbs and low fat diet and making sure I don't add MORE weight. Which obviously means no crams of biscuits like 10 custard creams in one go! rofl

Ooh, I just heard a firework, bit early don't ya think? Though it'll be next weekend AND the weekend after won't it? Always is when Bonfire night is midweek... if it's not midweek though there's usually fireworks the whole end of October and beginning of November *rolls eyes* there was at least 3 weeks of fireworks at the weekend in Gnosall last year and the year before, maybe Country folk like them more often rofl *rolls eyes again*

Simon said "what on earth have you got to write about for today, you've done bugger all and have been in bed for most of it" what do men know heh? I'm not sure how I've managed to waffle on so much actually.

That's it for now, await my ramble later on ;)

xx

Today's Ramble 24.10.08

Woot! Bronny opted for the cheapest coat which looks remotely like it might actually keep her warm and dry, I must say it was the coat I'd have least expected her to choose, it's quite plain compared to some of the coats she could have chosen. Lo and behold she chose a hat too! She had better wear it lol, she looks really cute in it, I'll have to get a better picture of her in it to show you :) I bought Euan a new wooly hat and some gloves today which I must remember to label up before they both go back to school. I bought me some slippers too but as beautiful as they are, they're a little bit tight for my swollen feet. I am going to have to get a size 7 :O thankfully I didn't take the label off them and I still have the receipt. I have no idea when I'll actually get to change them though lol. I have two pairs of slippers atm but I like to have a wash and wear for my feeties lol

Not done anything else today, Euan played on my pc for a couple of hours whilst I had my nap but he had a screaming fit when it came to switching the PC off.

Well day two of the half term holiday (teacher training days) and so far so good I've not actually felt the need to scream or to send them to their rooms yet, they are excited about Saturday night though. :D

Well time flies, two weeks ago Em said she was going to take the children to Walsall Illuminations and now it's here, they're off tomorrow woot! Em is picking them up at 6pm and they're off! lol

I changed my cannula today which made a huge difference. I don't change it as often as I should but I am being good and changing it at all. I thought it might help with the sore nose issue but this one is actually a few mm longer so actually rubs on the area that is a problem at the moment. *rolls eyes* oh well I'm sure it won't do any extra damage heh.

Got stared at in Sainsburys again, it doesn't bother me as much as it used to but it still bothers me a bit. I bought Euan a triple pack of Kinder Suprise eggs for being good and waiting nicely in the car bless him, bought Simon a pack of 5 curly wurlys and me too heheh I can remember buying them on the way home from school with my tuck money as they were only 5p back then. There is less chocolate on them than I remember but it crumbles up and falls off anyway heheh

Simon is playing the car game again, Oscar is dreaming about something his back was just twitching whilst he was asleep, he has now woken up and is attentive of the hammies, he cba to move to actually go to them though. (don't blame him) lol he's now settled back down but you can see his ears are still twitching .

I'm going to get a mug of tea and put Oscar to bed now then I'm going to give ratties their supper before I put myself to bed lol.

Good night world.

xx

a quick pop in....

Just popping in to say when I've fed the kids we're off shopping to get Bronny a new coat, will try Sainsburys again first as they have a good selection of clothing which isn't badly priced at all. If Sainsburys is a nil point then we'll trl Tesco and Asda if they're no good then it'll have to be Matalan or Mothercare in Tamworth and that's IF our chauffer allows it. Right off to the kitchen now peoples! bah bah


xx

Today's Ramblings 23.10.08

Hmmm, let's start with some positives!

I am alive, I didn't die in my sleep last night.
Simon is alive and didn't die in his sleep.
The children didn't die in their sleep.
Bronny was exceptionally well behaved today.
Euan didn't have a major tantrum today.
My computer didn't blow up today.

I could think of more but I think the joke has already worn exceptionally thin in deed, whether it was even funny in the first place is the question you've already asked.

I'm still in a world of pain with added spasms and palpitations. BUT I am OK Vikki seemed really down tonight, not sure whether it was just because Kezz wasn't there or whether it just didn't help.

I feel so utterly useless when my friends are hurting, I hurt a little bit for them but it doesn't help with the hopeless and out of it feelings I get, then I feel guilty because it wasn't my right to hurt because of them, I should only feel love and support feelings, then I'd feel a bit warmer. BUT still it's not all about me, my friend is still majorly hurting regardless of me or my feelings, I need to think of ways to stop her from hurting.

Carrying on with the guilt theme, I have been feeling incredibly guilty today that all I've done lately is tell them what a shit day I'm having, there is no doubt about it, my days are incredibly shit, but, people, my good faithful friends must dread asking me how I feel, they must dread the onslaught of my poorliness. so no, not any more, from now I'm fine. I want to keep my friends, they don't need to know the gruesome : "well actually, I've felt like I'vebeen walking around with a dislocated shoulder for a week, the pain in my neck, shoulders and surrounding areas is so breath-takingly intense, literally If I move slightly out of holding position. Euan held my wrist whilst he kissed my hand (he proposed awww) oh so delicately but the pain shot up my arm and into my shoulder as if I'd been electrocuted. I almosted haltered to check my heart was still going I was that convinced the jolt that went up my arm was real. Just a crease in my pj's in the wrong place throbs and screams at me like I just fell on it. That is the tip, of the tip of the iceberg.

Yet still, there is only so much more that my friends can take if, that is, they haven't already got to that place where they REALLY REALLY DON'T want to know but they are asking out of politeness.

I haven't decided yet, whether I'm going to actually stop blogging about my health.. I might create a whole new blog (pvt for no-one to see) dedicated to my health so that people don't have to read it here. That might be far better because that way I can continue to write in THIS blog as a diary type blog. Yup me do that. Will set up a new health blog at some point tomorrow. That way I can give full and detailed account for that day and when I finally get linked up with some specialists the night before I'm due to see them I can use the blog to help me give an account of what is happening between visits.

Anyway, going to have an early night tonight.

Good night.

Oh boy oh boy

Oh boy what a disaster today is. I didn't realise that I had run out of Baclofen and Tramadol, doctors close half day today so can't do anything about it today. I have a 5mg dose liquid baclofen bottle which is 1/4 full which MIGHT last til tomorrow, I ran out yesterday morning and have been on an exceptionally decreased allowance from 60-15mg per day. I will be lucky if I can have some more at all as this is the drug that caused the argument back when I saw him last when the barsteward had me in floods of tears.

I am already experiencing withdrawal symptoms as I was on a high dose. My spasms and jerks are increasingly worse and because muscles keep going into spasm the pain is intense. I have a headache too which is not being helped by a hyper silly naughty Euan

At least I have SOME baclofen, the withdrawal symptoms list for a dead stop on using the meds is VERY scary.

I didn't get up til 12pm and it was only knowing that I had to get up for the children that made me get up at all, Felt so ill and fragile and weak I couldn't move, it was frightening how long it took me to get going this morning, was like a bleeding reptile lol

Taking it easy today, just tidying up the sofa cushions knocked me for six and made me have to sit down for five minutes to recover. Such a wuss lol :)

Emotionally I'm fine today, not as happy as before but I think that is understandable considering how utterly crap I feel right now.

I'm not all woe is me I'm just being factual about how I am feeling right now. Ooh I'm proper hungry too which means I can have something proper to eat :D

Right food and mug of tea now :D

xx

Today's Ramble 22.10.08

As far as the scale goes I am 8.5 and that with me feeling emotionally good great super smashin spiffin would be on about 9.3 if I was on a crap day emotionally.

Simon has been in a good mood for most of today which has helped because his bad moods upset me and then I'm upset all day, he sulks and has tantrums like a child, which i think is the same as the majority of men when you think about it.

Had to constantly treat Euan with kid gloves this morning his flids are getting worse and he is more aggressive as the days go by now, he's actually hurting me a lot, Euan got VERY silly tonight at bed time and started beating the shit out of me I asked him nicely to stop and he just carried on, I shouted at him to stop and he hit me about 10 times in quick procession (?) and shouted between gritted teeth and clenched fists "I hate you" I managed to calm him to settle him to sleep, he fell asleep within seconds bless him.

Bronny been an absolute star as normal this morning, she never knows where to put herself when Euan is having a tantrum and she's usually worrying about my health bless her. We had a huge cuddle and a laugh before it was time for bed, bless

Well it's now 3.50am so I had best get me gone now, I think!

little bit peeved

would be an understatement?

I'm getting a little annoyed with Hannah and Lisa to be honest, them both combined because they took a payment off me for three hammocks and I've not seen hide nor hair of them or even been told how long they are going to be, I paid for them on 4th October, if they have run out of the material or something you would think that they would have the decency to tell me? I have emailed them via the proper website contact and I have talked to Hannah on MSN and still nothing.

I'm rather pissed with Hannah too, she is regularly logged into MSN and I regularly talk to her and try to get her attention to talk to her about the hammocks, the money owed for the bracelet, which I'm just going to paypal to her on Saturday which will be the easiest bet I think, I was trying to find out whether she would rather me paypal her the money or wait til I see her next and give her cash for it? Nothing, I've text, messaged on msn, pm'd her on the forum and emailed her... nothing at all :(

I know she is normally terrible for getting back to me and from what I can tell she just logs into her pc, msn starts up automatically? and then she buggers off to do things, it's the only thing I can suggest to think where the hell she is and why she is ignoring me. She USED to leave me offline messages, but since the show I've heard nothing from her, it's almost as if she's fallen out with me and I have no idea why she would fall out with me unless Lisa said something to her.

Anyway, I'm not happy, I'm going to paypal her the money and leave it at that, I have to find a supplier for the rabbit food and dog food hopefully penparc do it otherwise I'm stuck because I don't know where Hannah goes to get her supplies.

Today's Ramble 21.10.08

hmmm where do I start?

Oh yeah, some sods law for you. We were at school waiting for the children and my nose started running, I steal some tissue of Simon which has been used and find a small corner that is clean? I expect only a trickle anyway, what do I find? I snot everywhere and make a right mess, I have to try and clean myselfup with the smallest piece of tissue you'd ever believe but I manage it. The sods law is that if I had my huge handkerchief I'd have just literally had to dry the trickle, but because I had forgotten it, I snotted a pile of snot onto the smallest corner of tissue ever. Moral of delightful story - NEVER forget big handkerchief, especially when going out into the cold. (bit of an obvious statement there)

Hah blogger not gonna catch me out on the DS again, am saving as I go so if somet goes wrong, or should I nod off I am not going to lose the WHOLE blog, only upto where I last saved.

Hamsters have just started Part 1 of being noisy and active lol bless them, it's not THEIR fault that they are active through the night lol evolution made them that way so they have less predators or so their predators find it more difficult to catch them, and I'm waffling on about things that don't matter lol

Was about 7 today, had the scoring been just about health that would read about 8.7 but as the score is also about emotions my excellent happy mood has brought the score down to a respectable 7.

My mouth is really dry and feels weird tonight, feels like I have got chewing gum between my teeth and my cheek? Tis a strange feeling so it is.

I have been happy since I heard the reports about the kids for parents evening :D the kiddies have made me really REALLY proud of them bless their little socks.

Simon is snoring again *rolls eyes*

Haven't really got much else to say about life really, I'm bored and tired so am going to go to sleep and hopefully dream about nice things, maybe I should visit Planet Carol again?

Speaking of planet Carol? You remember the misunderstanding between the grass and Hovver? Well, I had to go back and re-emphasise to the grass that if he grew too long then the bottom half of him wouldn't be able to see ANY sun and therefore wouldn't be able to photo synthesise and he would be a horrible yellow-brown colour and look dead? He understood me but showed me that his middle was a bit like that anyway, I explained that it's OK to have a little bit of yellow on oneself, but he just didn't want to be all yellow, he agreed and asked Hovver to trim him again next time he was over.

Tis morning already at Planet Carol, Sun is happy today, the clouds are not in her way so she can beat down on all the Planet of Carol, apart from the side that she cannot reach right now which is in the dark and asleep ;) dew made a fantastic job of making all the spider webs and grass tips look beautiful this morning, she really is a beautiful contribution to the world. I love Jack Frost too, I know it's cold when he's been about, but he makes everywhere look so virgin and so pretty, so beautiful, peaceful and unified. :) He never misses a drip or a drop to freeze bless him. I love the way he leaves all his crystals about and he makes dangly crystals sit on spider webs, spiders don't mind really they agree that they look far pretties with Jack's contribution, it also provides the spiders with a quick little drink should their food not provide all the moisture that they need. It's not his time to be about just yet though but he's looking forward to when it is.

Toaster kept nagging me to use him this morning but I just fancied a special K bar instead, should keep me sated until lunch, not sure what I'm going to have for lunch though because I have gone off bread somewhat, not sure why, just have. Kettle been working hard as usual today, gotta cut down on how often I use her though because Simon is counting the amount of tea bags that I use today therefore seeing how much tea I drink in a day. Think I've had 2 or 3 so far which isn't bad for me. Hmm, I've been thinking about what to have for lunch and now tummy is beginning to wake up and give me hunger pangs, I'll have to feed it in a minute or so.

All is well at planet Carol this morning, no fallings out, no problems for me to solve, so far *touches wood* everything is going hunky dory. Makes a change lol

Planet Carol signing out.

Nite nite world.

Happy

I needed to blog this as I rarely feel like this, but I am actually buzzing with happiness, I think it was the really positive reports from the kids parents' evening that put me in such a good mood :) I'm so bloody proud of them I could burst.

I just want to record that I am happy because as I said it's a rarity for me these days, I feel a little bit guilty for feeling happy when friends around me are all pissed off and falling out but considering I don't get these feelings often I am going to stay happy.

Just a quick blog from me this time. :D

woot! go Euan, go Bronny!

We went to parents' evening tonight and were very relieved to find that both kiddies are doing really well.

Euan is average and above average on all aspects and generally an all round good boy.

Bronny is above average on everything but maths where she is being let down by sums where there is more than step to get to the answer, she is still average on maths though which in my eyes is still excellent :D

Bronny needs to work on a social life, she still says she has no friends bless her. Teacher says that Bronny is exceptionally timid and quiet in class and that she needs to gain some more confidence.

All round good exciting reports for the children then WOOT, go me for having such brill kids! rofl Sorry, but there are not many things I can be proud of to do with myself, but I'm bringing my two up to be exceptionally well academically, just got to work hard on the behaviour now! lol

FlipFlops

Oh flipflops, I added a humungous amount to my post that I did yesterday last night and it didn't save it all again! I clicked on publish before i saved the extra though so that might be where i went wrong? Unless I dreamed that I'd published the new comments and I actually hadn't so when I woke up at 3am and glanced at the clock and hadn't realised that it was a dream and not real I switched the DS off thinkng that it would be OK haha eh erm Second time I ave lost 100's of words down to pure stupidity.*rolls eyes*

\

Brrrrrrr

Outside it says 6degC and I wouldn't be surprised if it's much more than 18 in the house. We need to start boosting the house in the morning by putting the heating on and then have it on a bit later in the day to keep the chill off but Simon won't, he's too worried about the high gas bills, so he would much rather we all freeze instead. He knows that I'm poorly and that I can't regulate my temperature as well as he can, so he should understand that we need just a blast of warmness in the house in the mornings when we wake up and when we goto bed.

I'm going to have to invest in a kingsize electric blanket but get one of those where you can control the heat from either side rather than have one together because I could have mine on longer because I need it more than Simon does. mmmm *feels a bit warmer just thinking about an electric blanket heheh.... actually no I don't I feel colder.

Simon is on his way out to buy his fishies now, I hope he gets something nice but CHEAP! I don't want him to spend ALL my money in one go :S rofl

Parents Evening tonight, I'm really nervous about it actually :S I don't want to be judged on something the kids have or haven't done, like if they didn't complete some homework because I didn't know about it or something?

Going to have a look through the lost property box to check for Euan's missing jumpers too, little bugger I swear he never checks enough, I bet he doesn't look at the labels in all of them.

Oh well. Crap night again last night, couldn't sleep and when I did sleep I either got woken up by Simon or by hitting the bed rail or myself lmao. Got up at 6:45 to give the children a shower as I didn't have time to do it last night and then I remembered that Bronny had swimming this morning so showering her would be a waste of time as I'd only have to shower her when she got back anyway.

The keys on my keyboard are losing their letters, which only poses a problem when Euan or Bron is trying to use the keboard because I touch type so don't need to know where the right keys are, I know them off by heart. :D

Crap I am soooo tired! I REALLY REALLY want to go to bed but I can' until Simon comes back incasae I miss his delivery, he'll go mad if I miss the delivery.

*yawn*

Will have to go and nap on the sofa, that way I will hear either back or front doors and be able to answer to either. :S heheh I'm so flipping Lazy :(

Jane and Kerry/Vikki had a misunderstanding last night, I was stuck in the middle and could actually see both sides' points of view but I daren't say that last night because they both wanted to be right. *rolls eyes* so I stuck with smpathising with both and trying to change the subject a few times too.

I upset a lot of people last night talking about being sick so I am very sorry to you all I promise I shall not mention it ever again.

Huggles to my bloggy readers...

Love Carol

Today's Ramble 20.10.08

Well this makes a change, to be doing my daily ramble on the pc instead of on my DS.

Shit I just got something in my eye! It stings! I think it might just be an eyelash but it damn well stings something rotten so it does oh yes :( that's better, it has gone now, thankfully.

Simon has had all my cash off me and is going to buy some random fish to help cycle the new tank tomorrow, he won't let me come because he's expecting post and deliveries, it's so not fair, that money was supposed to be for Bronny's trip as well, he said he didn't want to draw out the tenner in his bank that he needs for other things, he's a cheeky bugger, I should have said I have no change, I wanted to pay the £10.65 we owe for Bronny's trip to get that cost out of the way as we seem to owe little bits of money everywhere and it owes up, not only that but I have a milk bill of £57 that I have to pay.

I want to set up a standing order to get the milk paid on a WEEKLY basis instead of monthly but no-one is helping me with an account number and sort code and my account number with Dairy Crest. Will have to phone them tomorrow and get all that set up so that I can start paying towards the milk and it won't keep going UP every week. *rolls eyes* I can't believe how expensive it has gotten to be honest, £8somet for a week supply, that's 4 lots of 4 pinters thinking about it, that's 50p a pint so I guess it's not THAT bad? I don't know, i've never known what a good price milk is or anything like that.

Speaking of prices, when I first started shopping with Tesco in Stafford in 2005, their value loaf was 18p, it is now 30p, thats a 12p increase in 3 years, that's four pence a year increase! That's outrageous! Isn't it? :S

*shuts up*

I'm going to spend time on the DS talking about Planet Carol, I'm sure you'll all enjoy my stories from Planet Carol, well they are stories, but true stories as planet Carol truly exists didn't ya know?

Anyway, time for bed now.

being sick :S

Well, I know where I stand now lol I shouldn't laugh, it's a serious subject though, Charlene, Kezz and Vikki were telling me off and trying to get me to see sense tonight, I was talking about trying to get over my fear of being sick and trying to be sick to lose some weight or at least not gain any more. One thing Charlene said made me laugh, about the bad breath and rotten teeth? I know I have bad breath and I have most probably got rotten teeth too (hence the bad breath) considering I don't clean my teeth. I'm not a scutter, I cannot stand the feeling of a toothbrush in my mouth, it makes me gag really bad, and obviously gagging quite often produces sick if there is food to be sicked up and I am absolutely shit scared of being sick, seriously you wouldn't begin to believe or understand how scared about being sick I am, I nearly kill myself whilst being sick because my panic attack is so bad that I cannot breath, I cannot see, it's horrible, everything just goes black and I want to die at that moment.

So yeah, a vicious circle really, I don't even know why I mentioned it again, it's just well, if I didn't have the phobia of being sick, I might consider it as a way to lose weight? I'm not talking a quick fix, I am talking I can't starve myself as I don't have enough will power to control my cravings for carbohydrates for that, but perhaps when I am having my carb eating binge, if I could void it straight away then I'd not have to worry about it building up? :S I'm a twat I know, but yeah, I have these thoughts regardless of being told off for them.

I promise I won't DO anything though guys, so there is no need to tell Simon? (you know who I mean) I will behave and not do anything about those thoughts, they can just get locked away in the back of my stupid head.

Glace Iced Rich Tea Biccies

Bronny had some homework where she had to follow a set of written instructions to make something, so as to cheat and be easier on me *blush* I said she could make glace icing and make some iced biscuits. The kids weighed out the icing sugar themselves and I gave them the water to add and they mixed the icing sugar to make glace icing, I gave them my tin of Rich tea biscuits and rich tea fingers for them to use their icing on. They used LOADS of biscuits rofl

Euan made some triple decker biscuits by sandwiching some icing between them (I hope they seal well so they don't fall apart for him) They both did really well and worked really hard and only made a minimal amount of mess which made me even more proud of them, both kids filled a couple of dinner plates with their biscuits, and ATE their fair share lol

I'm so happy that they had so much fun and both enjoyed themselves so much AND behaved too, I was very surprised that Euan didn't have a flid when his icing ran out, he was totally ok about it and said he felt sick so couldn't eat any more anyway *rolls eyes in a cute way*

Both kids went to bed after their "baking" experience and I've told them both we can do more baking in the future if they stay that well behaved ;) They were both asleep within minutes! :D

In the middle

Well, I have to say that I've only experienced about 10-15 minutes of it and already I've realised how Jane felt, and how Vikki felt when they got stuck in the middle of arguments between me and others.

It's a horrible feeling and one has to tread dreadfully carefully to ensure I don't end up slightly on the other person's side, or that I don't say something to one person that would upset them.

I'm just keeping completely out of it, I have told Kezz and Vikki that Jane could well have meant me too when she said everyone was having a moan (and that we could, she didn't care about it it's just that she commented we were all moaning, just a common comment I think) but to be honest, I don't care, I know full well I moan rofl I don't mean to but right now I have not much to go weeeeeeeee about, which is why I've tried to lighten my blog with Planet Carol and sarcasm towards myself etc etc...

But, back to the subject in hand, I promise never ever to put a friend in the middle again, if the argument is with a mutual friend of both of ours I shall not talk to that person about it even if I am not whining and just making a point. I promise to just keep my trap shut.

Lubs to all

Cat Fow

Hmm, I'm so bad, I've eaten a total of 10 custard creams throughout today, that's 600 calories, which left me 400 max for tea? So I had a Special K Bar at 90 calories. I have to try and remember it's not just the calories, it's the carbs I won't burn and the fat that won't burn off and the sugar that will just sit on my hips/arse :(

I'm such a twat and am so angry with myself :(

Have I finally gone cuckoo?

Jebus did I get a crap night's "sleep" last night. I might as well have stayed up if I could keep my stupid lazy eyes open. I want to go down and eat some breakfast but I really cannot be arsed to go downstairs right now and I'm not sure my stomach will allow me to eat.

I don't really want to eat though because I know I'm craving for something sweet right now and one of them yummy rich tea fingers I have bought small as it is contains 22 flipping calories, it's just not fair, why can't they make biscuits out of air but make them taste gorgeous? Or make a tablet that looks and smells and tastes like a biscuit but it's just one hundredth (0.01) of a calorie? I'd have to eat a hundred to just eat one calorie, mmm that sounds good, they'd have to be filling too, or make your brain think that you are full at least.

I have to write Jane a letter at some point this week, I was going to write it this morning but then realised my wrist is too knackered to write it this half of today :( and NO I didn't use it in bed :P (my wrist)

Euan was well behaved this morning, I thought we were going to have problems but he was to excited about SOMETHING to bother getting silly on me, I think he behaved for Simon on the way to school too which is amazing, Simon didn't say anything to the contrary and he normally does though, so maybe he did actually behave *fingers crossed*

I asked Simon for a doggy again and he still shouts no at me, I don't think he is EVER going to back down, the only way I get a dog is if I get 100% better, then he has no excuse because I will be able to clean up after it and walk it etc etc. *strains to get better* nope, not working yet... maybe I need some magic...

I have just sat here tapping on my keyboard whilst I think of something more to say (I have lots to say but it's a case of trying to think of remotely relevant things, which my blogs never are, completely relevant to their title) ... I did it for quite some time, getting a little worked up and not knowing why, so I tapped harder. I came back down to earth from planet Carol and realised that the tapping was extremely pissing me off?! *rolls eyes*

Planet Carol is a wonderful place, all the water runs a thick purple colour and all the animals are like their cartoon counterparts only they have Kezz's anime bear style faces with huge sad puppy dog eyes, they are so cute and cuddly looking like cuddly toys they have pretty much the characteristics and personalities of their Earth friends but Planet Carol animal life including plants, anything that breathes... can talk, anything that is man made can also talk, like a coffee maker, a combine harvester, a toaster, a pc..... When it can be arsed that is.

I had a long conversation with a blade of grass this morning, it was getting a bit pissed off at trying to grow to reach the sun above all the other blades of grass and then having itself trimmed down by the lawn mower, which incidentally is like a Bob the Builder vehicle, it has a face on the front of him, correctly speaking and he can talk and does the job himself. I asked Hovver if he could possibly leave it a little longer before he trims the grass to allow blade 1,325,981 (commonly known as Greeny) to grow a little bigger before he is trimmed down, Hovver and Greeny struck up a deal and now tis said that a lawnmower and the grass, all 1,326,001 of the population (in my garden alone) can actually have a friendly relationship if they are handled correctly.

Am I mad? Nope, I just like to play around with my imagination now and again. :P I'm sure that everyone has imagined something similar, I'm just one of the only people brave enough to draw on it and tell the blog about it rofl Please don't report me to the men in white coats, I just have a good imagination that's all :P

Right, I've just been really naughty and eaten 8 custard creams at 60 calories each = 480 calories so that's half of my allowance at LEAST gone for today, I had better end up having a healthy dinner eh? :S *thumps herself*
I am so flipping fat! :(

Had a really nice natter with Bindi last night, she is busy working on her family tree bless her, she's had some fun doing it I tell ya, lol bless her socks. I might invite her to my bloggingness actually, it might interest her to create a bloggness if she hasn't already got one :)

Right, that's it for a bit, I think I has worn out my thunking machine.

Luv Me.

Today's Ramble 19/10/08 (posted late)

Euan calmed down this afternoon, they were playing lovely when I went to sleep and still playing nicely when I awoke, I was woken up halfway through my sleeping quota by Mum phoning to say that she was on her way to Clare's, I must have sounded really disinterested in what she was saying though (Oh I wonder why) because she asked if she had just woken me up. So that's it, another month without Mum, literally, she never phones or texts when she's out in Germany, I'm sure it wouldn't kill her to text me once a week or phone every other week.

The truth? When she's with Clare and co she doesn't care what anyone else is doing, not even Dad.

Dad must really love Mum, I'd have left her by now. She spends an absolute fortune going over to Germany for a month each end of the year (March-April and October-November), she hardly does anything at home unless it's for herself, she claims to be really poorly and need knee replacements yet she walks the mile and half into town twice a week and then waddles around town for hours upon hours. She goes to watch my Uncle play football in all weathers. She looks after my Uncle's kids nearly every Wednesday night and has done since they were wee bairns, she looks after my brother's daughter all the time and has done since she was a wee bairn. She acts as though she's ever helpful yet she only does favours for who she chooses. Dad comes second best in all of this he works his balls off all week 9-5.30 and Mum controls the purse strings pretty much and he never once complains, never have I heard him mutter a single word against her.

Remember back to when I talked about her looking after my Uncle's kids nearly every Wednesday and looking after my niece all the time? Well, whenever I've asked Mum to have the kids for me, since I split with their Dad, in all those 5 years she's had them probably once, and that was sheer begging. She's always had to be well enough to have my kids, and usually she'd never be well enough. :( *sobs*

Mum has had Bronny to stay for a few days and spoiled her rotten but she's never "babysat" for us or anything, she also had Bronny to stay for a week when I was admitted to hospital to have an op on my broken ankle and the same again when I was admitted after giving birth to Euan but she's never had Euan? Strange that. Perhaps it's his little horns and forked tongues which gave the game away? *rolls eyes*

I've just seen an image in my imagination, with Euan looking like the devil, imagine hellboy but in a scrawny little Euan size and shape body rofl so he's red, got black horns coming out of his head and has a huge red tail but all this on Euan, right now you've got that image, he's just walked down the stairs with his wings holding him upright whilst he becomes accustomed to the big claws...

Effin wotsits my bleedin hamsters are being noisy tonight, one of them has literally sat in the food bowl and been digging in it and flinging food all over the place lol

I have such a huge cramp in my right butt cheek, it REALLY hurts, like flipping on fire pain.

Am fallin asleep now so ni ni. xxx

Just for Kerry....

Kezz is nagging me to update my blog, so here's a post especially for our Kezz ;)

Hello our Kezz, I just pulled a bogey out of my nose and it was really bloody, not bloody awful, awfully bloody. It's always at this time of the year that the oxygen blowing up my nose 24/7 starts to cause the skin of inside my nose to deteriorate and bleed. My old Doc said that I have to be careful when I'm unblocking my nose to receive the oxygen flow that I don't catch a major blood vessel because that would mean a trip to the hospital to have it cauterised OUCH I bet that would flippin hurt innit?!

Euan's behaviour has been volcanic all day, constantly spitting out rocks of hot lava getting ready to explode all over the place, thankfully we've kept him to only minor eruptions but they were bad enough to deal with, they really tire me out and make me feel ill :(

I'm supposed to be showering them now but I'll just set my alarm a tad earlier to do them in the morning before school. I need my disability money NOW so I can buy Bronwyn a coat that she will actually wear :( The only coat she DOES have is now too small so she won't wear it because it looks daft and to be honest doesn't fit her. She had a coat off Shannon or Sophie back at Gnosall but she refused to wear that too because it was from the "wee kids" *rolls eyes* That coat actually disappeared I think it got binned otherwise I could get it for her and con her into believing that it's her new coat rofl

When the DLA comes through I'll get her a nice coat with that, I'll have to take her with me though otherwise I'll only end up buying her something that she doesn't want, you know what girls are like, especially ones who are 9 coming on 19. *rolls eyes again*

Oooh-er tis nearly time to get them settled in bed, I better sign out so I can get the lil bugger bags into bed and have some more piece and quiet :D woot :D

Right peoples, Kezz etc... Time for me to go ;)

Lubs to all and huggles

Carol.

x

Oh what a morning! :(

Bronny and Euan have been playing together this morning, which sounds lovely until you realise that the little bickering they do is stage 1 in Euan's route to naughtiness :(

I made Bronny's lunch which was hunky dory, Euan went for toast and decided as it was toasting he wanted sandwiches, so out came the warm crustyish bread and I put spread on it for him and whilst I was doing this Euan was scoffing a piece of bread, (this was one of the three slices that went into the toaster) I then placed ham on the remaining two pieces and cut them up and as I was putting them on the plate he started shouting that he wanted three, when I was arguing with him he got louder and louder and expected me to back down and give him another slice but no way was I giving in. He got really angry and threw himself on the kitchen floor, after I got him to answer what 2+1= I completely ignored him all together and he eventually sat and ate his lunch without mentioning piece of bread number three. He has been really angry and so easy to wind up into an angry frenzy *rolls eyes* oooh Tesco is here, be right back.
Mmmmm custard creams.... munch munch :)

Simon is sitting downstairs now so Euan is behaving, after they were chasing each other trying to stick a peg on each other that is *rolls eyes*

I'm nw in bed about to have a nap so "night night, sleep tite don't let the bed bugs bite, if they do bite the buggers back! (alternate ending: if they do, blow them up with dynamite) not sure which ending I prefer, they're both cute in their own right lol what a sight so many rhyming words all squished in tight *stops right there* {never knows when to end a joke as the line between still funny and ｜ now you're just downright annoying is exceedingly fine}

night campers

Today's Ramble 18.10.08

I'm lying here in bed not completely with it, looking at Simon's desk, I have to say it is looking pretty cluttered to say the least! I simply couldn't work with all that crap around me it would totally do my head in.

Had a bit of a "what would be the start of a disagreement but nothing has kicked off yet" run in with Jane tonight :( I made a comment that people who know that they are beautiful and perfect are arrogant about it usually and Jane argued that the don't but agreed that some are, but that was what I meant. I THINK we agreed to disagree on the subject as the subject was swiftly changed. I will still argue here though that people that have perfection a lot of the time are arrogant b@stards about it because they KNOW they are beautiful, you see it in the films the American stereotypical school girls that are beautiful and they're usually cheerleaders, and everyone and everything is inferior to their beauty etc, it's like that in real life too sometimes, I grew up knowing that first hand. I'm sorry Jane.

Today has been a strange day, getting up at 12pm kinda knocked me off balance and nothing that is supposed to get done on a Saturday got done *blushes* it was the childrens' fault in a way (yeah go me, blame the poor innocent kids) for insisting on playing outside when we should have been working on stuff.

I've got to help Bronny with her homework tomorrow, she's got to copy some instructions and show the proof at school, I have no idea what to do, I thought baking but I don't know if I can be arsed to deal with baking and all the cleaning up afterwards, then there's going to be a little boy wanting to join in and do the same and he's going to get cross when he can't and oh god, I can't do this. Why do they have to have homework that HAS to involve a grown up every week, I'm not back at school! I don't mind the odd time but every bloody weekend is a bit of a ball ache and I haven't got balls! lol

Incidentally, totally off topic now, I actually am able to sympathise with a bloke when he gets hit in the balls because I know, or kinda know what that feels like, I've never been a man so let me explain. One of my motorbike rides caused me a great deal of pain in the ya know what area so I went to Dr Killeen (the best Doc Mum knows) as a visitor and got seen by him... it turned out that my oviaries kinda dropped back and got stuck between my anal passage and my cervical canal, so yeah, I had balls for a while, so every time I sat down funny or had sex, it felt like I was being kicked in the balls according to Doc. Thankfully I was saved from an operation by falling down the stairs and they popped back up where they were supposed to be :) woot! So yeah, the doc explained that I was in so much pain so often because a ladies ovaries have exactly the same nerve make up as a man's balls, so yeah, being hit in them felt like I was being hit in the balls. So girlies, men do not exaggerate like we once thought that they did. It does flipping hurt.

Hmmm how does one follow that up? Oh well, I'm getting rather sleepy and actually nodding off now, it's gone 1am (on the DS it doesn't auto save or update the time) so I had better bugger off now.

Love to all.

Carol.

x