Hahah

Well, I survived the night, *sticks her fingers up at Death* sorry mate but you ain't gettin me yet! rofl

I've gotta stop thinking and talking about it, it's sending me around the bend, but what am I supposed to do, "oh you probably had a heart attack", "oh never mind such is life" and carry on the way I'm going? No I want to look at life and see what I can change to stop it happening again. Trouble is I have all but one of the symptoms of heart disease, but as already proved I have all the symptoms of various other things too, I could write a list as long as my arm of complaints that I have according to my symptoms... which is why I have stopped googling stuff, simply because I could scare myself half to death thinking about it.

The main bonus about seeing that Senior Registrar at the hospital on Thursday is that he said he was pretty damn sure that I had fibromyalgia, thank you, now diagnose it for me please Mr! I should have taken a photocopy of the ecg and given it to pain management and rheumy chaps to say, think again and diagnose me for heaven sake!

I'm in a good mood today considering the situation I am in... I survived the night, which was my main concern considering how I felt when I went to bed last night.. This morning/today I feel so grottily ill it is unbelievable. Sicky, tired, headache, dizzy, strange feelings in chest, all symptoms for today. Perhaps I do have heart disease and it's come on strong all of a sudden, yet my symptoms should be alleviated by the aspirin, perhaps it is the aspirin making me feel ill, I don't know.

I might not take the aspirin tomorrow and see how I feel by the evening, I may be asking for trouble, but then again if this aspirin is making me feel so sicky and dizzy and vertigo really bad then I want to stop taking it so that I can feel oK again. I'm thinking I wasn't taking it before and I'm not dead now so what is the harm in carrying on and not taking it, Doc said if it aggravated my gastric reflux too much then I'd have to consider the options of putting up and shutting up, or taking the risk and not taking it anymore.

Simon's lizard Bob (the Skink) has shed again today, bless him he's done everything he can to take off his skin including going through the water bowl and pushing himself along the tiles and the slate and pushing himself through the plant instead of going under it.

Bronny and Simon are playing COD4, the reason why I actually have my lappy is because Euan has been banned from the PC for a week for having a humungous tantrum on Wednesday, so Bronny is on the PC, thus freeing up my laptop for little old me to go on rofl.

I phoned my Dad last night and talked to him about various things, I can tell that he's worried even though he says there's no point in worrying, we've made the decision not to tell Mum until she gets back from Germany so as not to worry her whilst she's over there and not here so she can't do anything. To be honest she cannot physically do anything to help me anyway unless she has a cure for whatever I have so I can start a gentle regime of exercise so that I can alleviate some of the problems, it might aggravate them too though so I don't know.

Bronny has cottoned on that there is SOMETHING wrong but obviously I am not going to tell her the full story because I'll have her having nightmares that I died again or she'll not be able to sleep again and she'll be constantly all over me.

Euan, as usual is none the wiser, which is how I want it to be, he wouldn't understand even if I told him though so no loss there. lol

Oscar cat hasn't had his "morning fuss" as yet, he normally comes to me for a good old stroke and a sit down on my lap, but it was a short meow to say hello, he sat on my lap for all of 2 seconds and then buggered off to see Bronny I can only presume. Some days he's all for fussing, but then other days a fuss is the last thing that he wants.

Next door keep slamming the damn back door again, it shakes this wall that I am leaning up (the wall between our bedrooms) and feels like the floor is going to fall through. They are always slamming the door, I don't think they know how to close the door quietly, seriously, it's terrible, they all do it, not just the kids. The other day there was some kids outside the house and no word of a lie the door got opened and severely slammed about 20 times or possibly even more.

Rex is on the move again, he's been around his enclosure about five times bless him, he needs the larger enclosure now, but I don't know what Simon plans to do about it because he needs the one in between the one he has now and the large one that his predecessor has. I don't know whether we will get it or not, or how we are going to go about it. He's been shedding alot lately too. Growing Lizards, Simon must be doing something right lol

Bronny is now playing on MOSHI Monsters, which I am pleased about because I have paid £4.95 for a month's membership heheh. Simon will kill me if he finds out. He thinks it's a waste of money, it probably is, but still, never mind.

I have to check the rent balance at some point, I don't think we're going to have enough to be able to give him on Tuesday (when my disability comes through) because I have spent so much of the money on shopping, I did a shop and then did a top up shop for things I had forgotten which both probably equated to £150, and there was another shop on top of that I believe. I'll have to have a looksee.

I think that's enough waffling for now, I've actually run out of things to say which is amazine for me I must say! ROFL


Bye bye :)

Hmmmmmm

Hmmm, what to say. I am very upset and scared right now, I don't know where to put myself or what to do, I am also pissed with myself because I have managed to worry my Dad, I was so scared and didn't know what to do, I needed to speak to mum or dad and I didn't want to upset Mum while she is in Germany, it would be very selfish of me.

You're banging your head against the wall wanting to know what I'm going on about? Well, on Wednesday the nurse took my blood pressure and my pulse, she noticed a few missed beats in my pulse and asked me if there were any heart related symptoms before, I explained about the vibrations around my heart area and tightness of chest muscles when it happens and about going cold and clammy at the time and feeling light headed and sick and she referred me for an ECG, we went the next day to get it over with and when the nurse finished the test she went to see the consultant, he asked me three million questions and then left the cubicle, the nurse came in with my results in an envelope and said that the consultant had requested that I see my doc today, I explained that they were closed half day on a Thursday and she said well first thing in the morning then.

Phoned docs this morning and explained the situation and she got me in with doc at 11:50 which wasn't bad for a Friday hehe.... The doc waffled on a bit and concluded that I could have had a heart attack and that he was going to put in a request for the hospital to set me up on a 24 hour heart rate monitor to see if they can capture enough data to establish what is going on with my heart, in the meantime he has prescribed aspirin to thin my blood to try and avoid any more problems.

So, how do I feel about this? Pretty shocked to say the least! I knew I wasn't quite right lately but didn't realise things were THAT serious :( never mind when it's time for me to go, I'll most probably go, can't do anything about it so there's no point stressing hehheh however, on a more serious note, I really must make sure I sort out what happens to the children, I don't want them going to him when I've gone that is for sure!

I don't have anything to leave for them but I must make sure that they have a good home.

I'm falling asleep now so I had better go to bed, well I am in bed but you know what I mean.

Nite nite all.

Huggles :)

Hmmmmm

Hello again fellow blogreaders, sorry that I have not been here for some time now, I haven't really been in the mood for writing, although I should write as it's a way to get it out of me what is wrong, and I'm allowed to write about anything I want so there lol.

In my last blog I was talking about being on a downer, I'm afraid I'm still in that pit of downness and unfortunately I do have excuses for being here.

The most upsetting of all things going on in my life right now is my eyesight. It is very rare that I am able to focus on things for a long time now, I just end up going cross or wall eyed. I was telling a friend in an email about trying to look at Euan last night, I could NOT focus and the best I got was seseing him with 3 eyes, sounds funny, it is in hindsight but last night I wanted to burst into tears because I was scared.

Spasms are at an all time high again too but I cannot increase my spasm meds as the doc is trying to get me to decrease them as it is, which is REALLY annoying that he is working against me and not with me. I just wish he would understand. I want my old doc back, she was fantastic and always HELPED me instead of hindering me.

Pain is high as well, which is partialy due to spasms and cramps and mostly to do with I don't know what, I wish I knew what I was fighting for god sake someone give me a diagnosis so that I can work out what I am fighting and get it fixed.

My symptoms also point to POTS, which is Postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome.

Postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome (often referred to as just postural tachycardia syndrome or POTS) is a condition of dysautonomia, and more specifically, orthostatic intolerance, in which a change from the supine position to an upright position causes an abnormally large increase in heart rate, called tachycardia. This is often, but not always, accompanied by a fall in blood pressure. Several studies show a decrease in cerebral blood flow with systolic and diastolic CBF (Cerebal Blood Flow) velocity decreased 44 and 60%, respectively

Patients with POTS have problems maintaining homeostasis when changing position, i.e. moving from one chair to another or reaching above their heads. Many patients also experience symptoms when stationary or even while lying down. Symptoms present in various degrees of severity depending on the patient. POTS is a serious, though non-life threatening, medical condition that can be severely disabling and debilitating. Some patients are unable to attend school or work, and especially severe cases can completely incapacitate the patient.

I just need the nurse to check my blood pressure on Wednesday of next week when I see her for my depo injection... if my blood pressure doesn't drop when standing up and my pulse increase a great amount, then it's definitely not that.

My problem seems to hide from all clinical findings, so I don't know how I am going to get diagnosis.

Bronny has been banned from my laptop this weekend which is making her moody and making her sulk. She shouldn't have been naughty lol I don't see why I have to give up my laptop so often and for so long for her anyway, it's every night after school until teatime then every weekend from when we get up and have somet to eat until bedtime. It does my head in because it messes up my routine on farm town for one, I end up having to harvest and sow at night and I don't want to be busy on the laptop at night I want to be able to see Simon heheh.

At least this weekend it won't mess up my routine, I'll have to think how I can sort it so that every other weekend I'm not disturbed and I can do the farm work without Bronny moaning that she wants to go on the laptop. How sad am I? That damn farm town takes over my life lol

Right I'm off for a shower now because I rinky stinky dink lol

Huggles and lubs

x