I am finding that recently there have been more negative days than positive ones in my life at the moment. Negative meaning, health, feelings, and such... it's just getting on top of me at the moment but I refuse to ask for an increase in anti-Ds even though I knokw he'd say no anyway heh.
Pain is paramount at the moment, I am in such pain that it makes me grumpy and short tempered and the kids seem to be getting the brunt of my short fuse and my rattyness :S ((((hugs)))) for the children, I don't MEAN to bite their heads off when they upset me, but oh sometimes.
Mongedness is worse at the moment too, I seem to be moged far more than I used to be, perhaps it's the meds but I've not changed the dosage of them in the slightest
Maybe it's me personally, I am more monged than ever and need to get over it, maybe I need the kids to rum off steam with mean me not far far behind them just to open up the movement stakes :D :D
That would be a nigh on impossibility lol, would be funny to watch though.
Monday 27 April 2009
Thursday 23 April 2009
Tired oh so tired
I'm not well again today, overtired for a start regardless of the amount of sleep I am getting, last night was another earlier compared to normal night and I still feel like crap :S eek.
It's not just tiredness, it's mongedness as well, I am sitting here trying hard to keep my eyes focused and open, the focus bit is not easy at all as I keep losing focus and then my eyes want to shut.
I should give in to it and go to bed otherwise I shall be more ill tonight/tomorrow but I don't want to end up spending most of my waking hours in bed. i'll end up with a mere 9-10 hours of being awake! lol
Simon is writing the content for a website that his brother is building for his college course, it looks like he's done a lot so far! He's working hard too for his brother's bloody coursework lol
Simon complained that he had to do it and couldn't be arsed and the next minute he was tyyping away doing it for him.
Ooo-er that's a new one, hot/cold sweats with a very nauseous feel to it, I feel like crap now and breathing is difficult too. :(
I have no idea what is happening to me at the moment I really don't, I wish that everthing would go back to normal and I'd be OK with just a bad knee.
My Mum is in Germany at the moment, did I already tell you that? Clare had a hysterectomy yesterday so Mum is there looking after Clarebear and trying to stop her from overdoing it, but she's still in hospital at the moment.
I don't know if the pain from a hysterectomy is worse than the pain from a caesarian, but if it is worse then I well and truly pity her because I can remember how much pain I was in I couldn't even go to the toilet because I couldn't push down TMI? Yes, sorry. Anyway I am presuming that a hysterectomy must be worse.
I am trying really hard to keep the forum going by making sure I am in attendance every dy from now on instead of being away for so long... it does make a difference when I make the effort because I feel other people feel more comfortable posting when people are on the forum, when the posts are getting more responses they are more willing to post again.
We don't have any really interactive posts to get ALL our members involved with at the moment so they end up coming, clicking on unread topics since last visit and only getting one or two posts come up so they look at those posts, have no interest in posting in them and leave.
We need all known members to get involved with things, not known I mean regular I think? Oh I don't know what I think.
I've been seeing beautiful and fantastical scenes in my head and I wish that I could copy them down onto paper with pencils or paints or something, but I'm crap so I'd make a right mess and I wouldn't know where to start.
I love dreaming about faeries and dragons and mystical creatures, it really relaxes me and cheers me up so when i wake up I'm happy rather than uncomfortable because I had a horrible or bad dream.
I dreamed that all my friends and family were bundled together on this big rock in the middle of nowhere and the rock had dynamite under it and I was handcuffed to this metal post that was concreted into the ground and I had to sit and watch them all being blown up. What a bloody awful dream it was, I woke at 3:08 this morning, crying because the dream was so horrible. :( When I went back to sleep I got the dream away and dreamt about something else which was not bloody awful.
I don't think I have ever dreamed something so horrible as that, I've dreamed that Simon and the children have died, or one of the children has died before and that was bad enough without losing all my friends and family at the same time and watching too.
That's it now I'm not in the mood for writing anymore I'm tired, monged AND upset now lol
Huggles to all who read me.
Carol
x
It's not just tiredness, it's mongedness as well, I am sitting here trying hard to keep my eyes focused and open, the focus bit is not easy at all as I keep losing focus and then my eyes want to shut.
I should give in to it and go to bed otherwise I shall be more ill tonight/tomorrow but I don't want to end up spending most of my waking hours in bed. i'll end up with a mere 9-10 hours of being awake! lol
Simon is writing the content for a website that his brother is building for his college course, it looks like he's done a lot so far! He's working hard too for his brother's bloody coursework lol
Simon complained that he had to do it and couldn't be arsed and the next minute he was tyyping away doing it for him.
Ooo-er that's a new one, hot/cold sweats with a very nauseous feel to it, I feel like crap now and breathing is difficult too. :(
I have no idea what is happening to me at the moment I really don't, I wish that everthing would go back to normal and I'd be OK with just a bad knee.
My Mum is in Germany at the moment, did I already tell you that? Clare had a hysterectomy yesterday so Mum is there looking after Clarebear and trying to stop her from overdoing it, but she's still in hospital at the moment.
I don't know if the pain from a hysterectomy is worse than the pain from a caesarian, but if it is worse then I well and truly pity her because I can remember how much pain I was in I couldn't even go to the toilet because I couldn't push down TMI? Yes, sorry. Anyway I am presuming that a hysterectomy must be worse.
I am trying really hard to keep the forum going by making sure I am in attendance every dy from now on instead of being away for so long... it does make a difference when I make the effort because I feel other people feel more comfortable posting when people are on the forum, when the posts are getting more responses they are more willing to post again.
We don't have any really interactive posts to get ALL our members involved with at the moment so they end up coming, clicking on unread topics since last visit and only getting one or two posts come up so they look at those posts, have no interest in posting in them and leave.
We need all known members to get involved with things, not known I mean regular I think? Oh I don't know what I think.
I've been seeing beautiful and fantastical scenes in my head and I wish that I could copy them down onto paper with pencils or paints or something, but I'm crap so I'd make a right mess and I wouldn't know where to start.
I love dreaming about faeries and dragons and mystical creatures, it really relaxes me and cheers me up so when i wake up I'm happy rather than uncomfortable because I had a horrible or bad dream.
I dreamed that all my friends and family were bundled together on this big rock in the middle of nowhere and the rock had dynamite under it and I was handcuffed to this metal post that was concreted into the ground and I had to sit and watch them all being blown up. What a bloody awful dream it was, I woke at 3:08 this morning, crying because the dream was so horrible. :( When I went back to sleep I got the dream away and dreamt about something else which was not bloody awful.
I don't think I have ever dreamed something so horrible as that, I've dreamed that Simon and the children have died, or one of the children has died before and that was bad enough without losing all my friends and family at the same time and watching too.
That's it now I'm not in the mood for writing anymore I'm tired, monged AND upset now lol
Huggles to all who read me.
Carol
x
Tuesday 21 April 2009
mong mong mong
Now this is going to be fun, I'm monged before I start, so I have no idea what I are not going to talk about, yes so I is.
Fed Charlie on Sunday :) she ran for it and scooped it up in her arms and started eating it yum yum so she must have been hungeee. She eats far more often than Si says she should do, but I don't think she would eat if she didn't want it.
My eyes keep closing on me and I carry on typing because I can touch type (now there is a rumour) and I end up putting my fingers on the wrong starting space, like one or two letters to the left or right and it all ends up gobble dee gook. I can't even do it on purpose so I'll have to leave it i when I screw it up so you can see what I mean.
Simon's snails are messy buggers by lordy they are, they pooh everywhere and it's so slimy and messy,especially when they eat cucumber.
Simon's Lizards poop quite a bit too and both of them stink when the have poohed until Simon clears them out. Skink is worse because he is enclosed within a wooden and glass box.
Simon is upgrading his pc again and is awaiting his new processor. I have asked him to purchase Bronny a pc for her Birthday and he is actually thinking about it which is fabarooney because she has wanted her own pc for years, she had her own 4 years ago but because she wasn't allowed to connect to the internet and only had one or two boring games on it she soon got bored of it and didn't use it. Euan is going to be asking for one next *rolls eyes* but he WILL have to wait a few years or so before he gets one too.
I plan on getting Euan an iPod I think or I might give Euan this Ipod I have and get Bronny an iPod classic because she wanted the one that she could watch videos on *rolls eyes again*
Clare Neil and the kids came over for Easter, we went to see them before they went, it was after lunch which was good as it enabled me to sleep in and not lose out on my lie in rofl. Neil has changed a bit, browner and more toned in his body, Simon doesn't agree but that is because he is a man. Joe and Amy are getting ever older, Amy is 15 this year! my god that is old! lol I can remember when we went down to see Clare when she had just had her and come out of hospital, we saw them in the marriage quarters at Blandford Forum which is where Neil started out first. Now he's a Sargeant in Germany, not bad upgrade eh?
I have no idea what Neil is going to do for a living when he retires from the army, I presume that he will become a vehicle mechanic, but they will lose their rich style of life when they move back over here because it's not remotely as good as over there, there's VAT for a start, that causes some friction lol Then there's the fact that they won't be getting his huge wages so they won't be able to jet off in the sun or go to Dinery Park Paris anymore or go skiing, they'll soon find out what it's like to live in poverty.
It only feels like yesterday since it was Amy's Birthday last but it's coming round again next month, it's amazing how quickly it's come about. I wonder if Amy will be spending it in Germany or whether she will venture over here again for her Birthday celebrations.
There's dogs barking again, there are so many dogs around here that set each other off and then they don't stop barking for ages, then one will give up and go quiet but then another will start and get the quiet ones going again. I wonder what the hells they are talking about lol.
I wonder if snails communicate with each other? Whether they have little voices that we don't hear or whether it's body movement or sliming each other... would be interestig to find out actually lol
Right, I have waffled enough about total crap so I am going to depart now
Huggles to all that still read me.
With love
Carol
xxx
Fed Charlie on Sunday :) she ran for it and scooped it up in her arms and started eating it yum yum so she must have been hungeee. She eats far more often than Si says she should do, but I don't think she would eat if she didn't want it.
My eyes keep closing on me and I carry on typing because I can touch type (now there is a rumour) and I end up putting my fingers on the wrong starting space, like one or two letters to the left or right and it all ends up gobble dee gook. I can't even do it on purpose so I'll have to leave it i when I screw it up so you can see what I mean.
Simon's snails are messy buggers by lordy they are, they pooh everywhere and it's so slimy and messy,especially when they eat cucumber.
Simon's Lizards poop quite a bit too and both of them stink when the have poohed until Simon clears them out. Skink is worse because he is enclosed within a wooden and glass box.
Simon is upgrading his pc again and is awaiting his new processor. I have asked him to purchase Bronny a pc for her Birthday and he is actually thinking about it which is fabarooney because she has wanted her own pc for years, she had her own 4 years ago but because she wasn't allowed to connect to the internet and only had one or two boring games on it she soon got bored of it and didn't use it. Euan is going to be asking for one next *rolls eyes* but he WILL have to wait a few years or so before he gets one too.
I plan on getting Euan an iPod I think or I might give Euan this Ipod I have and get Bronny an iPod classic because she wanted the one that she could watch videos on *rolls eyes again*
Clare Neil and the kids came over for Easter, we went to see them before they went, it was after lunch which was good as it enabled me to sleep in and not lose out on my lie in rofl. Neil has changed a bit, browner and more toned in his body, Simon doesn't agree but that is because he is a man. Joe and Amy are getting ever older, Amy is 15 this year! my god that is old! lol I can remember when we went down to see Clare when she had just had her and come out of hospital, we saw them in the marriage quarters at Blandford Forum which is where Neil started out first. Now he's a Sargeant in Germany, not bad upgrade eh?
I have no idea what Neil is going to do for a living when he retires from the army, I presume that he will become a vehicle mechanic, but they will lose their rich style of life when they move back over here because it's not remotely as good as over there, there's VAT for a start, that causes some friction lol Then there's the fact that they won't be getting his huge wages so they won't be able to jet off in the sun or go to Dinery Park Paris anymore or go skiing, they'll soon find out what it's like to live in poverty.
It only feels like yesterday since it was Amy's Birthday last but it's coming round again next month, it's amazing how quickly it's come about. I wonder if Amy will be spending it in Germany or whether she will venture over here again for her Birthday celebrations.
There's dogs barking again, there are so many dogs around here that set each other off and then they don't stop barking for ages, then one will give up and go quiet but then another will start and get the quiet ones going again. I wonder what the hells they are talking about lol.
I wonder if snails communicate with each other? Whether they have little voices that we don't hear or whether it's body movement or sliming each other... would be interestig to find out actually lol
Right, I have waffled enough about total crap so I am going to depart now
Huggles to all that still read me.
With love
Carol
xxx
Monday 20 April 2009
Beep beep
I WANT TO BE ABLE TO DRIVE! IT'S NOT FAIR!!!
I so want to be able to drive the car that is registered in my name, that I have a licence to drive it's just not fair. It's not just that Simon is stopping me from driving the car, it's because I honestly cannot focus on the road long enough to be safe, my eyesight keeps failing on me. :*( I should have my licence taken off me really but I need to keep it as a form of identification because I don't have a passport anymore. Either I lost it or the Anchor stole it from me, most probably the latter. Either way I should have updated them that it is missing.
I've not written my blog for a long time and those people that like reading it, I apologise to you, I will try to spend some time here more often when I'm not busy playing farm town or going on the forum (which I am trying to build up again, my attendance and other members attendance, I feel if I work harder then other members will feel more comfortable joining back in again)
The forum used to be my life, I would go on it as soon as I woke up, sit on it all day and then go on it all evening too, more than once it threatened my relationship with Si, I think he has now found out it's not the forum that I am addicted to personally anymore, I am addicted to being on my laptop rofl
I can't even remember how long I have had my laptop for so I can start thinking about extra protection for it (insurance) in case it blows up the day my 1 year warranty expires lol. It was a couple of hundred pounds to add it on (5 years) and I couldn't afford it at the time so I went with the included 1 year warranty thinking I'd be OK, but I just know my luck, obviously I'd have to save up for it but at least I would have it once I got it (lol that's obvious)
I'm just waffling now so I'm going to bog off and have a sleep, it's 12 something and I'm getting a wee bit mongerooed (my new word for being monged lol)
Love to all who read me!
xx
I so want to be able to drive the car that is registered in my name, that I have a licence to drive it's just not fair. It's not just that Simon is stopping me from driving the car, it's because I honestly cannot focus on the road long enough to be safe, my eyesight keeps failing on me. :*( I should have my licence taken off me really but I need to keep it as a form of identification because I don't have a passport anymore. Either I lost it or the Anchor stole it from me, most probably the latter. Either way I should have updated them that it is missing.
I've not written my blog for a long time and those people that like reading it, I apologise to you, I will try to spend some time here more often when I'm not busy playing farm town or going on the forum (which I am trying to build up again, my attendance and other members attendance, I feel if I work harder then other members will feel more comfortable joining back in again)
The forum used to be my life, I would go on it as soon as I woke up, sit on it all day and then go on it all evening too, more than once it threatened my relationship with Si, I think he has now found out it's not the forum that I am addicted to personally anymore, I am addicted to being on my laptop rofl
I can't even remember how long I have had my laptop for so I can start thinking about extra protection for it (insurance) in case it blows up the day my 1 year warranty expires lol. It was a couple of hundred pounds to add it on (5 years) and I couldn't afford it at the time so I went with the included 1 year warranty thinking I'd be OK, but I just know my luck, obviously I'd have to save up for it but at least I would have it once I got it (lol that's obvious)
I'm just waffling now so I'm going to bog off and have a sleep, it's 12 something and I'm getting a wee bit mongerooed (my new word for being monged lol)
Love to all who read me!
xx
Saturday 4 April 2009
What is life?
I'm sitting here wondering what my purpose in life is, everyone has one, that's how this big old ball ticks along not always nicely but most of the time it works.... So what am I supposed to do to put in my input? Or am I supposed to aimlessly plod on in my half existence that pretends to be a life.
Whatever the answer to that, I wish I knew, or maybe it is one of those darned rhetorical questions, one that you want to hear an answer to but you can't because law says it's rhetorical of course.
I often wonder weather we are part of something bigger, that maybe, like Horton Hears a Who? Maybe astronomers are wrong... we are merely a speck or particle within a world that is hugely vast with huge creatures that roam and we sit safely on the bed of a moon cloud star flower, which is why it LOOKS like there's a universe out there, because that is exactly what this flower looks like, a universe.
I wonder how people felt when they realised that yes indeedy we are not flat, there is no "end of the world" and that we are sitting on a ball with great potential, whether or not we use that potential is up to the politicians of the world, they rule the world with their damned rules and regulations and way of life. Some of it makes sense, other bits you just want to sit and think "why..?"
If I were a Horton, I would only promise to put the speck that is Earth back somewhere safely if the politicians would all shut up and let the people speak about how they want to rule the country, usually it would mean a highly roudy debate, but at least the people would be in agreement (after a few years or more) on what should be what.
Nature is far more organised and"for the people (most of the time)" than us, so why don't we take a tip from nature and sort out those problems that we seem to hear about
Well I just fell asleep for the third time since I STARTED writing the blog so I am going tosave and lose now (close) I started hours ago lol good night all.
Huggles.
Carol xxxxxx
Whatever the answer to that, I wish I knew, or maybe it is one of those darned rhetorical questions, one that you want to hear an answer to but you can't because law says it's rhetorical of course.
I often wonder weather we are part of something bigger, that maybe, like Horton Hears a Who? Maybe astronomers are wrong... we are merely a speck or particle within a world that is hugely vast with huge creatures that roam and we sit safely on the bed of a moon cloud star flower, which is why it LOOKS like there's a universe out there, because that is exactly what this flower looks like, a universe.
I wonder how people felt when they realised that yes indeedy we are not flat, there is no "end of the world" and that we are sitting on a ball with great potential, whether or not we use that potential is up to the politicians of the world, they rule the world with their damned rules and regulations and way of life. Some of it makes sense, other bits you just want to sit and think "why..?"
If I were a Horton, I would only promise to put the speck that is Earth back somewhere safely if the politicians would all shut up and let the people speak about how they want to rule the country, usually it would mean a highly roudy debate, but at least the people would be in agreement (after a few years or more) on what should be what.
Nature is far more organised and"for the people (most of the time)" than us, so why don't we take a tip from nature and sort out those problems that we seem to hear about
Well I just fell asleep for the third time since I STARTED writing the blog so I am going tosave and lose now (close) I started hours ago lol good night all.
Huggles.
Carol xxxxxx
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