It's so not fair

The forum really has well and truly failed and is dead as a dodo at the moment, I think that it will not recover from this either, I think it's got so bad that people don't bother coming on anymore because they know that there are no new posts to bother coming to read. It's my own fault, I kinda gave up on it over the last few weeks because I'm so devastated that it's died, if I had worked at keeping it going the other members would have been willing to try and help too so we'd have an active forum, but as it goes right now we have nothing, we have me spending nearly £15 per quarter, that's £45 a year, for what? For me to watch as the forum dies a miserable death. For me to be upset when I see that there's been 3 new posts since the same time the day before. OH fook.

I don't think there is any fixing of it this time because I think I've allowed too much crap to go on and this has caused people to want to avoid the forum and they were the people that were creating the most posts.

I'm going to pop over there now and post some ratty pics but I bet they only get 1 or 2 responses because there is just no-one around to post. Coral is trying hard to come back bless her, but she couldn't have attempted it at a worse time lol bless her.

Becca never comes on anymore, she's probably too busy getting drunk with her college chums hahaha bless, she's a lovely lass and I miss her company, we used to talk a LOT in PM but now it's all gone :(

One of my main problems is that I cannot cope with change, and when people come and then go I can't deal with it, I try and hold on so much but with no avail, I'm a desperate prat.

That's me done.

Hmmmm

I dreamt that their Father was back on the scene and trying to fight for custody last night, he was winning too because he claimed he could provide a loving home for them, and him and his wife (Dawn, they've got to be married by now, unless he cheated on her too) were fit and healthy so they could provide the proper love and attention that the children required.

I don't know if he ever would do that to be honest, I think he is happy with his new home and doesn't want it disturbing with his past children. He's forgotten about them and doesn't give a monkey's now he knows he cannot make any money out of them and that seeing them only means that he has to pay money for them.

I know his parents desperately want to see them, I would love to be able to let them see them but it's just too much trouble, Simon would have to take them for a start and then we'd constantly be worried that "he" would be there to take them away, even if he didn't want them he'd probably nab them and take them abroad just to break my heart and rip me to pieces.

I wish I could arrange for his parents to see them, I know it would bring everything up again, but I think the children would actually benefit from seeing them and I'm damn sure that his parents would benefit because I know how desperately they want to see them. Simon won't let me though because I would have to go with them for a start and he knows how much I hate seeing them and how they have made me feel in the past.

We are off to Simon's parents' this weekend for Simon's Mum's Birthday which is actually on Friday but she works so we cannot go on Friday, also there would be no-one else there as they are all out at work, school or college. To be honest I'm half not looking forward to it because of the way Euan has been playing up lately, and the way he is really naughty when it comes to being hometime. Will have to make sure that their DS's are fully charged and that they don't go on them in the car they have to wait until we get there to play on them. That way they will last a bit longer so that they can take their time up more. They'll only beg to play on James' or Adam's games stations though.

I wish that Mum would invite us there more often but Sundays are for Dave, no-one can take over going for dinner on a Sunday, it's Dave's day and that's final! :( Apart from Christmas and Birthdays, we were invited to their house ONCE last year, they were invited here loads and only turned up half of the time :( It's just not fair, we're of no interest to them whatsoever, they've got their precious Olivia and David and Caroline now, they don't need anyone else. Unless Clare is over of course, then everything changes. Mum said she thought I had gotten over the "you don't love me" scenario, I did get over that ages ago, but it still doesn't stop me thinking that she doesn't love me as much as she does my siblings and their wedded partners.

I am a failure, I have failed all my life in their eyes, I have never done anything to make them proud of me, my Children are now fucked up because of what has happened with their Dad, so none of us can do anything outstanding to make them think WOW. :( :( :(

*sulks*

We're going to be a week late on the rent again this month :( It's Christmas that has done it, if I hadn't spent all that money at Tesco for other people's presents and stuff I'd have been able to repay the rent and not go behind at all. Hopefully next month my DLA will come in, in time to replace the money that we are behind so that we can start again with the rent and from March onwards we'll be able to pay the rent on time. I don't know how we've managed to even survive this long what with the little amount of money that is left in my bank after everything that goes out. I need to change this payment for the electric that I have made to Simon so that it goes out every other week as I cannot afford every week like we're doing, I need the "other" week so I can get shopping that week on a Tuesday when I know exactly how much money I have got.

Anyway, I'm hungeee so I'm off to get something to eat.

TTFN

Bits and Bobs

Lol just reminded me of the children's programme, bless heheh (I used to sit and watch it with Euan actually!)

How many parents have found themselves watching a channel from the KIDS selection on Sky or NTL? Come on, admit it, you're so used to your kids watching them that you select one for yourself to watch.

I know that Dave and Caroline will have done so that Dave can watch his precious Spongebob Squarepants heheh I love him too, but I have to say I wouldn't decorate my aquarium with the pieces from the show :P

Speaking of aquariums, ours is going pretty well and does look like a semi stagnant pond now, the plants have grown like wildfire spreading across the water (yes I know fire and water don't mix, it was just a saying that happens to be mildly inappropriate but my thick brain couldn't think of a better one at the time) The snakeheads seem very happy indeed.

In the terrarium opposite we have water and land for Simon's 3inch Rainbow Crab, who has now eaten the baby ones all up, Simon watched as he crushed one of them to mush in his pincers and then ate it.

We know we have a boy because of the two big claws, girls only have small claws, males have bigger claws for fighting and showing off. (typical)

Going through to the hall we have 5 fancy rats, 3 common 1 roan and 1 dumbo.

Then, upstairs we have 18 tarantulas (eek?) a scorpion, Black Emperor to be precise, a trapdoor spider (he's a spider not a T), a pacman frog (Fantasy Horned Frog), and now our precious possession, or pet or whatever is our Yemen Chameleon (Veiled Chameleon) then there's my two roborovski hamsters.

Usually on ours or Bronny's bed you'll find Oscar our Turkish Van Cat :)

Going back downstairs, and outside you'll find Jasmin a Lionhead and Theodoor a Lionhead X

That's it then, our menagerie of pets :) it's just typical that I have chosen pets that require cleaning out on a regular basis. Simon cleans the rabbits out, I can't physically do it anymore, even just sitting down I can't do what is required to clean them out. :( So the only time I get to see them is when I pass them in the wheelchair on our way out. Not much fun. We are contemplating rehoming them to be honest, to someone who will give them far much love and attention than we are able to give them. True, in the Summer I'll be able to sit out there and talk with them but that's not really fair on my buns (teehee).

Going back to the ratties, they are getting a bit stinky poo so it's coming close to clean out day for them, it takes so much longer now they're in separate cages, naughty blacks for fighting and beating up the babies. Well, strictly speaking they are not babies any more, but they are still smaller than my original trio of ratties. It's been a fair while since we've allowed them out for a tour of Bronny's bed, will have to contemplate doing it soon. They need a bath too, stinky buggers. Perhaps I'll bath them when I've cleaned them out that way nice clean smelling ratties can go into a nice clean smelling cage. Then they'll go around re-marking everything in sight lol. They could play on Bronny's bed whilst drying then as her room seems to be the warmest in the house.

My O2 Machine seems to be kicking out a fair amount of heat at the moment, which means that there is a lot of nitrogen coming out (the engineer said that when the Nitrogen is extracted and pumped out it causes the heat underneath the machine to blow out with it) There must either be more Nitrogen in the air or the machine is just working up a heat for nothing lol It seems rather selfish of me to be taking the oxygen out of the air and pumping the Nitrogen back into the air, that must mean that when the children and Simon walk past the machine they are getting a higher amount of nitrogen in their bodies, I wonder what that must do to them long term? :S eeek

QUOTE: "There are two main things that these nitrogen compounds affect: the environment and human health. When nitrous oxide (N2O) reaches the stratosphere it helps destroy the ozone layer, resulting in higher levels of UV radiation and increasing the risk of skin cancer and cataracts. Ironically, when N2O is nearer to the Earth’s surface it can actually make ozone, which can become smog on a still and sunny day. Smog has been linked to respiratory problems, lung damage, increased risks of cancer and a weakening of the immune system. "

Crap.

I wonder how much Nitrogen the machine is releasing into the air? That is scary to be honest, if I'm causing a problem to my children and to Simon. Surely I am breathing it in on top of my 100% oxygen too because I am not literally just breathing my tube I breathe normal air on top of that. (which means effectively that I am getting more than 100% oxygen in my body, I am getting the 100%@2lpm from the machine and then some from the natural air around us. ??

Oh god, I'm on a ramble again, I had better stop before it gets any worse.

PS This blog is a copy of what I put on Facebook Notes

Thankfully

Euan was in a better mood when he got home from school, only problem was that he was totally hyper, I let them go outside tonight before tea so that they could burn some energy off, Simon said I was making a mistake because Euan and/or Bronny would expect it every night, but I don't THINK that they will, they might but so they should they SHOULD be allowed out to play when it's dry, they are kids for heaven's sake they deserve to be able to have FUN to run around and burn some energy off and generally BE KIDS.

Though saying that, it's me that has to sit there and watch them playing because they can't be trusted not to piss around and be naughty so I have to watch them. When I don't watch them they start being really stupid and doing really stupid stuff which is either dangerous, going to hurt one of them, get them filthy or lose a toy over the fence, various stupid things they've been known to get up to. Also the grass is still "wintery" at the moment which means if they play on it they will make it all muddy and it will ruin the grass as well as making their clothing that muggins here has to wash filthy.

Whilst Euan has been "grounded" at school he has come home in clean clothes that are actually suitable to wear the next day, today because they did the Big Bird Watch outside, he came home muddy on his shirt, apparently someone pushed him over :S

I don't know what it is with that school, either Euan is a blatant liar or the kids are all bloody nutters who race round breaking other people's stuff, fighting, bullying and pushing them over all the time, I've never known a school like it, it just does my head in. Take his birthday for instance, he took a few bits and bobs in after it and they were destroyed, he wore his watch and it was broken because the cretins literally ripped it off his wrist! It makes me sick!

When we have discussed Euan I am going to talk about the other children especially in Euan's class and try to explain that either Euan has become the gang leader and since he arrived all this aggression started, or it was already insitu and Euan just got pulled into it because he wants to do what his friends are doing, hopefully it is the latter although that is bad enough.

Euan would never have done something like that in his old school, in fact Euan was renowned for being although a little bit hyper at times, completely normal and excellently well behaved, he'd NEVER EVER dream of doing something like he did the other day, so why the hell, how the hell, has he turned into the type of evil child who would do something like that now? If I were the parents of Connor I would be totally devastated and exceptionally angry and would insist that each child be reprimanded and required to apologise formerly to Connor and both parents after school or in front of the whole school.

I forgot to say a while back that I've bought an epilady to use instead of shaving in the bath and then having to sit in my own removed hair and scum whilst I shave other areas, I can't shave in the shower because I can't keep balance and the bath seat doesn't fit the bath properly so I cannot safely sit down in the shower to shave. Anyway, I'm rather nervous about using it, I mean it plucks hairs out so, does it hurt, I don't know, Eeek, I have to use it though because it cost me £15 (was a bargain at BigD, discontinued line probably). Hopefully it's not at BigD because they recalled it, though it would be illegal to sell a recalled product surely? *doh*

My toes feel funny tonight. I have my toe socks on (the ones that have glove like attachments at the end purposely tailored for each toe so each toe has it's own little socky on and it's all knitted in with the main part of the sock so it's all together. Normally they feel OK but tonight it's obvious on my right foot that I have the toe sock on and it just feels "strange" not painful or awkward or anything, just strange. heheh

Simon is watering his tarantulas (not so they grow, I mean providing them with a drink of water) lol geesh that was quick, one minute he was watering them and the next minute he was going downstairs, strange man, he can't decide whether or not he is coming or going bless him. He's going to wake the kids up in a minute (he's pissing about unlocking and locking the bathroom door *rolls eyes*)

Baron Greenback has spent more time hiding, sitting right close to the UV light than he has basking today, I hope he's OK. It's a shame we can't have a sensor for the basking light so it only comes on when he comes onto his basking perch, that way we would be saving a tonne of electricity each day and it could be left 24/7 incase it's really early in the morning and he wants to bask so he can go and switch it on, though he doesn't bother with it until about lunchtime anyways, it takes him forever to wake up (typical man really then? lol) People on the reptile forum have said that he needs the UV light for 12 hours a day and that if he's not within so many feet of it it won't work, well most of the day he is further away from it than what they said (can't remember now) because he's close to the bottom or covered by the dense foliage in the middle (height) of the flexarium.

Right, tis nigh on 10pm and I'm tired yes I am so I am going to get a cuppa, fill up my drink bottle and go to bed I think.

Sleep tight world.

x

ARRRRGGHHHH

Euan had another flid this morning, whatever I did he was not happy with, he just wanted this that and the other but he didn't want to play ball he just wanted me to run round after him trying to calm him down I think, problem is the more I do that the more attention he gets and the more attention he gets the more he's going to realise that being naughty gets him attention, which is why I am supposed to ignore the bad and praise the good, but it just doesn't work in this house, whatever we try doesn't work. If we tell him off he has more of a flid at me when Simon is not watching, whereas if we don't tell him off he just gets more and more worked up until he has such a raging fit that he ends up going to school late because he refuses to walk to school, Simon gets cross with him and just takes Bronny, then when he comes back he goes straight upstairs and I have to persuade and beg him to take Euan, this happens every single time there's a big flid.

Euan's temper and anger is not HIM though, it's an alien that is attacking him and it needs to either be calmed down or removed from him, I'm guessing that calming down will be CAMS approach towards sorting him out. Whether that be with sessions which will just piss him off in the long run and I'll have him getting even more pissed with me, or medication which I honestly think would be the best option, although I do not want Euan to be sedated it would be such a relief to have a day where he doesn't get worked up because Bronny has "looked at him" or because he can't have a donut when I've said no.

BRB need toilet.

Sorry about that, nature calls and all that, cleaned toilet whilst I was at it, well if I didn't do it no-one else would it would look like a public toilet and probably smell like one too.

I'm trying to remember how old I was when Mum started having me doing jobs like cleaning the bathroom, cleaning the kitchen sides down etc etc, I'm thinking of perhaps getting Bronny to do the simple jobs where she doesn't have to use the chemicals to clean, like wiping over the sink at the end of every day, cleaning the bath with just elbow grease and water lol, things like that, to make it easier on me because I have to clean the bathroom, it's one room that Simon won't do, he'll put chemicals down the toilet if I ask him to, but he won't clean the bath or the sink, he seems to be oblivious to the fact that because the bath is so low down it is one of the jobs that I DO do that cause me so much pain and suffering :( *stops complaining*

This is the remote control that we have bought for Simon's Mum lol HOW big is it? We put it next to a standard Sky remote so you could see the size difference. It's a piss take because they've just bought their very first TV since their last one blew up when Simon was a kid, we are going to say, we thought you would need a large remote so you can see what you are doing with the buttons.

I'm thinking of getting one for Gramps, I think it might be useful for him so he doesn't have to put his glasses on just to look at the buttons of the remote control, and so that the buttons are easier to find, would take him a while to learn how to use it though I think, which might cause a problem. He would probably get pissed off with it and either put it in the bin or put it away and just get it out when he knows we're going to see him lol

Right, I best bugger off and do my dailies now.

x

Ant Colony Wonder

Giant Ant Colony is a World Wonder - Watch more Animal Videos

Do I?

Blog for the sake of blogging? I don't know, none of my readers have complained about my blogging content, nothing ever gets commented on though, so either they feel no need to comment, or I'm being ignored because my blog is crap! rofl

Went out to B&Q and Tesco today, Simon had to buy a box and a tube to make a drainage and collection system for the water in the flexarium to save him having to stand and transfer it to a bowl to tip in the sink by the aid of a turkey baster, not a fun operation when you have to do it on a daily basis lol

The dripper is now working perfectly and Simon believes that he has fixed the drainage problem (there was a leak) on the flexarium. So hopefully all is well. Baron has spent a lot of his day hiding today which is strange, he has eaten and basked and had a drink though and Simon said if he wasn't well he wouldn't have done those things. It's just strange because he was out for most of the day yesterday. Maybe he has days where he is out, days when he hides, maybe he just had a bad hair day and didn't want to be seen lol

I haven't seen many beautiful colours on him as yet, he seems to be keeping all the wonderful colours that he CAN turn to himself, when he puffs up and hisses at Simon he can be quite colourful, not quite sure why he did that to be honest, maybe it's all the faffing around with his house Simon has done to day (thinking about it that's probably why he is hiding, because he is not settled with the stuff we are still doing to perfect his home.

To be honest we should have THOUGHT things through a little bit better before we got him like where he is going to get the water from, yes OK a drip system, but we didn't think about where the water was going to go afterwards did we? Oh no we didn't lol if we'd have thought about drainage in the first place Simon would have been able to make a proper "plug hole" in the flexarium *rolls eyes* never mind we can't always plan ahead.

Right, tis time for CSI now so I'm off to watch it fellow friends See ya later!

A very crap night

Jebus was last night crap, I didn't drop off until just gone midnight, I woke up at 2am sweating my ass off, so I took the safety pad off the bed because that's what makes me 100 times hotter, it took me forever to get back to sleep, I could hear music playing like a television constantly with music in the background. Then I woke up again at 4am and that was it then I was wide awake! Absolutely knackered but wide awake, I finally got back off to sleep some time around 06:40 was the last time I looked at the clock, then the alarm to wake us up went off at 07:30! I could have cried, I'm not feeling too bad right now considering, apart from feeling very very tired of course, I mean I don't feel ill. At the moment anyway. (I normally feel rather poorly if I've not slept too well and end up in bed all the following day, but I seem to be doing OK at the moment)

At one point when I was trying to get to sleep I lay on the pillow and I swear to god it felt like somethingS were eating my ear in and out, like I had laid down on a pile of maggots or something, I could feel the wriggling literally and I could HEAR the wriggling, it was very scary, then I lifted my head swiftly off the pillow when I felt a maggot climbing into my ear deeper and deeper. Obviously that didn't really happen but it was horrible enough, I think I must have drifted into sleep at that point to feel and hear that because obviously we're not into putting maggots in the bed.

Between 4am and 06:40 all I could hear was music in my ear, I was tempted to get up and check the kids to make sure they were not up that early and playing on their DS's because they have a habit of having the sound up when they think that we won't be able to hear, however Euan's latest habit is turn it up and then turn it down when we tell him to, but then turn it straight back up within minutes of being told to turn it down again, this cycle goes on the entire time he plays on his DS, it especially does my head in when he's playing his shooting games.

We are booked in to see the headmaster and Euan's teacher together after school on Thursday, I'm not looking forward to that I know that I'm going to end up crying because I'm so ashamed of my boy that he would do what he has done :( I was supposed to be discussing things with Charlene but I wasn't around that Saturday morning as we were collecting Baron, then in the afternoon the excitement of it all ensured that I had a nice deep sleep, well as deep as can be expected, I still woke up exhausted.

That's what gets me, I wake up naturally after my afternoon nap which means that my body SHOULD be saying "you've had enough sleep now get yer ass out of bed" however when I get up I am just as knackered and feeling like poop as when I went to bed, I'm wondering whether I should bother having a sleep. Then again judging by Christmas this year, I definitely do need the sleep, it's not something that I can casually decide not to have. Even when we are out or something and it rearranges the day I still need to get home at some point and have a sleep.

I woke up early yesterday afternoon which enabled me to give my children some attention before their tea, they seemed to enjoy the fact that I was with them and playing with them instead of being fast asleep. I always feel guilty for sleeping through the after school before teatime, but if I have to I just have to! I can't just give up on the idea of sleeping.

So many times when I have put the children to bed, when they've both FINALLY gone by 8pm maybe later, I just fall asleep on the bed myself because I am so knackered, obviously I don't WANT to because I would appreciate being able to go online and talk to my good friends on WLM and see what is going on in the world, and I'm getting addicted to Facebook also and there's not that many people that use Facebook in the day so after I've updated my status and say, made a few posts on people's walls, flung a bit of food and such, there's not much else to do. I love flinging food on a sneak attack in the day because those who work or go to school inevitably lose and I'm like !woo hoo another win! rofl which is very cruel of me really don't ya think?

A messed up world

I have so many friends who are going through different problems at the moment, I just keep remembering back to this time 10 years ago say, when there wasn't as many things going on as there is now, or at least they were not out in the open.

A 93 year old lady has been attacked in her own home and hospitalised today/last night. My friend is beside herself and in a complete mess poor poor person, I don't know what to say to help, I assured them that I would do what they asked of me and I have done, so at least I've done a tiny tiny bit towards helping if not directly to help the cause.

Another friend has a Sister who is having strange requests from her In Laws which is causing problems and a big argument.

Another friend has just split with her fella because he has started to bat the other way, apparently he was secretly bi and practising it for years and he finally came out in the open because he wanted to be come completely gay and not bi. What an insult, I love you but you don't have bollocks, sorry love. rofl

Not heard from my parents in a while, Mum should have phoned me by now to see how things are going, but probably she's had more important things to think about, yes, I know I could have phoned her, but every now and again I like to wait, wait it out and see how long it takes her to realise she's not found out about something and call me. Sometimes she's so completely wrapped up in her own wonderful life with her wonderful Son, daughter in law and daughter, her wonderful daughter, son in law and son and daughter, then there's the wonderful niece and nephew. It's a lot to think about you know, it really is, no wonder she never phones til it's all blown over.

Darnit and tartar sauce. I should have remembered what weekend had just past so that I could provide more support to another of my friends, see what I mean, another messed up friend, another proof that this world is so fucked up it needs fixing soon before all the films about fucked up worlds where every man kills to survive, becomes a reality, or something like that anyway.

Then theres my friends that cut themselves, it REALLY TRULY hurts me every time they do, not because I'm a selfish bitch and because everything has to be about me (wonder how true that is?) it's because I CARE and I mean that from the bottom of my heart, it worries me that those who cut can take it too far and really do themselves a serious injury or even quietly bleed to death and obviously... die. :(

I hate death, it is so frightening yet so eerily welcoming to those who want to end it all. Does death sit there on the end of your bed and say "come on you know you want to" sort of jaunts, or does it just wait for that moment to take away your soul to the forgotten land.

Is death the end, or like some say, is it only the beginning?

Says me.

x

What a wonderful sight

Just watched Baron Greenback eating mealworms offered up to him on a plant saucer by Simon, his tongue is just amazing! Heheh he seemed to like them very much :)

I loves him to bits. I was in tears earlier from relief when I realised that he wasn't dying he was merely shedding lol lmao bless, well how was I supposed to knowthat that is what was happening?

*feels dumb now*

So, me likes me new pet :)

Alphabetti Spaghetti

Well, what can I say about the title? Basically I was thinking of a title and that is the first thing that came into my head, so it will do, it doesn't HAVE to have anything to do with the text following it after all.

Simon is faffing around with the basking lamp for Baron Greenback, he's going to put a lower wattage bulb in and try to hang it from the ceiling instead of having it hooked on the curtain rail, that way we won't risk burning the Baron lol

We still have to get a smaller UV tube and a reflector for it because at the moment we have one that is hanging by about a foot over each side of the flexarium and we are being contaminated by the rays because it's just a bulb, fluorescent style tube with no covering. I am supposed to be careful in the sun with my moles and now I'm doing the equivalent of sitting in a very weak but still potent sun lounger lol would be nice to be tanned though lol

Euan's behaviour has not been too bad since the two day incidents, first the gang fight, then the day after the sharp pencil incident, I could cry you'd think that someone was injecting him with a naughty virus, this is not Euan in the slightest, I cannot understand what is wrong with him, I really do not know, poor little man, I just hope it's curable because he doesn't WANT to be like that he WANTS to be a good boy, you can tell. He sits and cries when he's been naughty and is all apologetic and that's without being prompted, he just suddenly stops being naughty, bursts into tears (usually) and says sorry, he genuinely doesn't want to be naughty, he's a wonderful boy with a fantastic nature and a fantastic personality, I just wish we could sort out these anger issues then he'd be perfect again.

Bronny was in a total arse this morning, she just wouldn't stop moaning and bitching about things, she's having an early night tonight, in fact Euan can have one too considering how tired he looks lately.

I'm wondering if it's a lack of vegetables and goodness in his diet that is contributing to whatever is making Euan naughty, what I mean is that he insists on eating crap every day and hardly ever eats something decent so perhaps he's just not getting enough food or the right kind of food in his tum, I have to be more strict with their diet and start pushing vegetables on them again, they HAVE to eat healthily really they do, it's breaking my heart that all they ever want is crap. It might help if I just stop giving them crap food and make them proper food then they can eat it or go hungry, simple as that.

We should all eat healthy meals cooked by me every day, I should be more insistent that they have something that is good and filling instead of them just having toast or pizza or cereal for their tea, yes they've had a school dinner in the day but it seems to me that the school dinner is oft not eaten and it's not enough to keep their little bodies going anyway. Bronny is going to have Tuna with pasta for dinner tonight and Euan will have baked beans and toast, I shall get more vegetables in and meat products so they can have a potato product, vegetables and a meaty product for their dinners instead, if they seem to be putting on too much weight then I can just cut down the portions of what they are having. Euan looks really unhealthy and like he's not had a proper meal in decades, not true but I THOUGHT that the dinners were adequate enough but alas I was wrong.

Simon is still faffing with the bulb and the lamp to go over the chameleon enclosure, bless him, it's a difficult job to try and invent a way for the bulb to sit nicely in the lampshade whose hole where you put the bulb is too big so he has to invent a way for the bulb to hang off the hook with the chain to hold the lampshade in the right place. YAY he's sorted it, how long for is the next question heheh.

Baron now has a perfick basking area, he just needs to use it lol, he's down in the Ivy plant at the moment, would help really if that was taller for him to sit on it higher up instead of down in the shade, perhaps he's cooked himself on the 100watt bulb that was in there eeek.

Everyone likes him by looking at the responses on the forum, he is a beaut, I'm hoping to get some pictures of him of my own eventually I just have to wait for him to be in a good position for me to take a pic easily.

Here he is:



Meet Baron Greenback, Simon named him, if you've never heard of Baron Greenback then you have never lived.

Anyway I need to sleep now so I'm going to love ya and leave ya.

Have fun

x

Oh bugger

I made another friend on facebook, an old best friend from school, we were chatting away and I was talking about Euan and his anger management issues and stuff and all of a sudden she went offline and now I can't view her profile either, I have a feeling that she has "blocked" me if that is possible. I don't know though maybe I'm being paranoid. I did go on about the crap in my life though so maybe she just thought she didn't want to hear about it all. Bless her. Never mind, I'll just talk to everyone else and just wonder how she is getting on, I can always message her via other friends to talk to her and say sorry and explain why I typed what I did, she asked me for an update and I gave it to her, it's not my fault that EVERYTHING has gone wrong in my life at the moment, what with me being ill and with Euan having so many problems.

Geesh.

On another note I have become friends with a lot of old school friends, it's interesting to know what they are all doing with their lives now, I think I must be the only one that has had such a crapper of a life up until I met Simon, it's not my fault, I'm sure that I didn't do anything to cause it.

Ooops, that wasn't another note, my friends on facebook all have fantastic lives, beautiful children in most cases and are getting on swimmingly which is really good to hear. I still can't believe that one of my friends was an Orc in LOTR and had a speaking part and he was an extra in Star Wars the Sith one (can't remember if it's Return or REvenge of the sith and can't be bothered to look it up right now) <-- which isn't like me because usualy I google like mad rofl

I haven't blogged for AGES and AGES I'm sorry, been busy most of the time not even coming on the lappy, when I do catching up on the forum and on Facebook. Facebook is a full time thing if you let it be, it's daft how many things you can do, I'd be sending drinks, throwing sheep and lordy knows what other animals are available to throw at each other and as for food fling, well I'd compete in every competition that it gives to get food fling points so I can sneak attack my friends and give them a mere 2 hours to respond lol

Well, the chameleon is here and looking absolutely beautiful, he has been an asset to our lives I think, he's really cheered me up anyway and apart from contemplating some mice from Laura from the Welsh Rescue, I don't want any other pets.

Simon has called him Baron Greenback and wouldn't give me a chance to choose a more apt name (as he's a Lizard not a Frog/Toad) but he's decided it and there it goes, bit unfair really considering he is OUR pet, Simon doesn't like the idea of sharing him at all, but it's not fair if he doesn't especially as he used my birthday money to purchase some of the stuff required for Baron in the first place.

I was just about to go and look at him when the timer for the lights switched them off lol so no looksee for me tonight because I will disturb him whilst he sleeps if I look now. :( Hopefully he is going to be OK living with us and he's going to be happy and healthy for a long time going. :) He has a couple of white spots on him that I told Simon about but he didn#t even look at them he just said they're probably a few pigments that have gone white instead of going the colour that he is. I think it looks like someone spilled paint on him even though they wouldn't have done.

His old owner emailed Simon and asked for pictures of Baron in his housing that he is in now bless, he wants to know that we are looking after him properly ;) I can'tsay I blame him I would want to know what housing he was in.

It's like when I handed the kittens over, I still want to know how they are now and request pictures of them because I miss them so much bless them.


Right, I'm off to bed, am bloody knackered lol night night.

Waffle waffle waffle

(COPIED FROM FACEBOOK NOTES)

We're off to the doctors for the dreaded thing that a woman has to do at 11something, not looking forward to that, not in the slightest, I've already cancelled lots of appointments and missed the last one, accidentally on purpose like. I cannot stand them, well, you have to lie down, but nevertheless they are no fun at all.

Why cannot a man have something degrading have to be done to them on a regular basis, cough and drop is nothing, they do that in the bathroom at home alone anyway. I don't think ANY man on this planet does not know the intricate ins and outs of his manhood. He probably has every millimetre of it mapped out on the back of his brain so that he knows it in the dark.

EWww. *shuts up*

Euan's arm looked like it was getting better yesterday, I just cannot for the life of me understand how on earth he could get a boil/infection, though he is a pretty grubby boy, but that would have had to have started in one of his pores, I just can't think what it could be. Poor little man he said it's hurting him again today whilst I was giving him his antibiotics and the cream which I buggered up again and gave him a hippo sized squirt instead of a "thin layer of cream over the affected area" lol

I wonder if Rachael's kitty has been found yet, that's a bloody busy road for a little kitty to be visiting the neighbourhood in. We keep Oscar in because we don't want him to end up as Road Kill. If you hit a dog it is law to report it, if you hit a cat you don't have to, what's with that? Poor kitties deserve some recognition and respect too?

Was looking at pictures and can see that Becca is thoroughly enjoying college social life, I just hope on all hopes that she is working hard too ;) (don't hit me becca rofl) I just don't want you to get kicked off the course.

I enjoyed the social life of a pint at lunchtime at the pub over the road from the college, they must have a steady trade from that college it's the nearest thing towards civilisation to the college. I think I spent more time in the pub than I did at home actually eventually, we'd go to the pub at lunchtime, we'd visit it at tea time before we went home on the bus, then train, then I'd walk from the train station to home.

That was a boring statement. *yawns* I'm really tired and feeling monged this morning, I've increased medication to relieve the pain though so it could be a reaction to that until I get used to the higher levels again.

I've been so badly in pain the last few days, Sod my Doc's request to reduce different meds, I'd much rather not suffer the pain thankyee, at least without suffering as much pain (you have to understand I have the migraine equivalent of pain all over my body 24/7, that's the level of tolerable pain I suffer, anything above that and I will have to talk about getting another pain relief) I can get on with being a Mummy and a g/f fiance type person, basically chief cook and bottle washer, though I don't wash up, the dishwasher does that, and Simon loads the dishwasher. ALso I don't cook, I just put things in the microwave or oven or grill etc and hope that they come out looking remotely cooked and fit for human consumption. If I created masterpieces and cooked them to perfection then I would gladly call myself "a cook" but as I just shove stuff in the oven for the time it says and the temperature it says, I cannot profess to be a chef, even a cook.

I am waffling again. The pain, that's what I was talking about, anyway, I've been bed ridden for most of the last week or so, I can't sit on the sofa when I'm in too much pain as it just makes the pain worse, I don't know why it must be the position on the sofa compared to that of the bed. I want to try and stop SITTING on the bed though because that's how I buggered the mattress that we had before the new bed (not this new bed, or the new bed before that, the one before that (long story)) because I ended up creating a big pit where my arse was always sitting up, thus being in the same position day in day out, and then eventually the mattress started collapsing under me and I ended up having to lie across this immense pit that my ass (it's huge you know, I have a siren attached to it so when I walk backwards or go to sit down I get a "warning this vehicle is reversing" sound and beep beep coming out, I also support a pair of hazard triangles and a wide load sticker don't ya know?) had created. Not comfortable at all.

I waffled. I am a waffle, only I don't have little square spaces. *yawn*

Doc said...

It's a boil apparently, some kind of scary boil anyway, he's prescribed fucidin cream and flucloxacillin (I googled spelling lol) medicine (it's pink! Euan was a bit upset that it was girly pink and not yellow lol) I'm pleased though because it's not the one that sends him hyperactive. We put some cream on and gave him a spoon of medicine before he left us to go back to school, hopefully just in time for his lunch.

The doc seemed very confused that we had let it get so bad, he didn't understand that it was only last week that it went big, and then overnight Saturday it grew three times bigger, it wasn't always that big otherwise I would have done something about it. Poor Euan.

I'm surprised that he is not remotely bothered about the pain to be honest, surely it must hurt, it's certainly given him a temperature and a grumpy aspect.

I just hope that the medicine makes it better so that he doesn't have to have it lanced or flushed :S though I don't think they do that unless it's an abscess? But I guess if it's a non-curable boil on a child's arm they'd want to get rid of it as soon as possible.

At least that explains his recent behaviour, I should remember, I say this time and time again, that if he is especially playing up, to check his temperature regularly because he is usually poorly and fighting some kind of infection.

I have lost count of the times I've tried to remind myself this.

Anyway.. that's the low down on Euan's Alien being.

Remember the alien in Euan's arm?

It has gotten 2-3 times bigger so we decided enough was enough and we have booked him in to see the Doctor today at 11:50 I think we said. I'm worried about it because whatever happens it is going to hurt, if they cut it open to remove all the infection that will hurt, if they squeeze it that will hurt, the only option that will not hurt is giving him antibiotics which I am betting that they will do, other than that it'll be in to see the nurse I'm guessing, I don't even know WHAT it is though so I can't really guess on a prognosis or anything. I just hope that whatever happens they get rid of it because he's had it for months on end now and it's getting daft. Thinking back, he has had a temperature with it and he has been a little shit which means he's not feeling well, he's always majorly grumpy and short tempered when he is ill.

So, time to give Euan some good luck vibes for his lovely bubble alien on his arm.

Going Public

I am debating whether or not to go public with my blog, I'd like to share my daftness with more people but I'm not sure whether I should or not, I think I'd be safer just hiding with the odd person invited to read the blog, I could always invite more people later on it's not as if I am restricted with the amount of readers I am allowed, at least I don't think I am restricted on readers.

I'm tired right now so I'm going to have to have a sleep before teatime I think.

Catch you all later :)

xxx

Today heheh

Well, I never I can't believe how many of my family are on Facebook now, even including my Mother! rofl that's got to be a bad sign, when yer Mother is on Facebook, I mean come on? She is 56 this year and has decided to welcome herself to technology rofl I am waiting for her to join msn so that I can talk to her of an evening and laugh at how slow she is with the typing rofl. Bless I'm so cruel to my Mumsie. it's great that she's finally trying to get connected to it all :) It's a shame that it took my BROTHER to introduce me to her though, I mean why couldn't she find me? :( It's not as if there are that many Carol Venables;s on facebook is it? There is 10 including me actually rofl and that's not including CAROLine s either god knows how many there is of them.

It is rather strange to see someone with your name, I mean if you had a name like Sarah Smith you'd not be surprised because come on, how common are both of those names? And the chances of them being together? There we go, lots and lots of people. My name isn't really that common though, Carol Venables, it's not common at all really. Tis not no tis not.

OK,, so it is, I just googled me and there are quite a lot, and a lot of Carol Venable too who is a professional by all rights heheh. Here's me just a boring done nothing achieved nothing, lost nearly everything disabled dork in Cannock, UK. :( *stops the self pity*

OK so I'm deviating from the point here, incidentally there is a Carol Venables on Deviant Art too rofl

On page 2 of google it showed my name a few times for the forum and for another forum in the forum profile it's got my nick name and full name. maybe I should edit that out, but then again I've never posted anything to get me in trouble, or anything personal in that forum so I just forget about it, especially as I won't be going back there again. gnome-look.org or somet like that, hmmm don't think I'll be needing that no not I heheheh no no I not. Unless I wanted to reinstall kde or gnome on either of my pc's er, I don't think so certainly not yet anyway.

I think I am sharing the bedroom with the ghost cat, I just saw something out of the corner of my eye, a dark colour so I knew immediately it wasn't Oscar, then I heart the noise of when they open their mouths and ready their tongues for a licking festival, that is exactly how it sounded heheh.. *looks for cat* I can hear it but not see it. Either I'm going totally effin loopy or there really was a cat in this room. It would have to have been Oscar who is not in the bedroom at the moment I've just checked for him in fact I'll most likely find him in Bronny's bedroom if he's not downstairs. Oh, he's downstairs, so that confirms that it was not Oscar. (I just heard Simon telling him he couldn't come upstairs)

Right, now I have done the ghost story it is time for me to go to bed, I got to hurry up because Simon will moan at me and because I want to go for a cuppa too.

Huggles and lubs

Carol

xx

Weeeee

Have ordered 2 off Micro SD cards, one for the mobile and the other for my R4 card to play on the DS :) I wish I had ordered the R4 with the card and I'd have it already then, but I think this way I've done it cheaper as I've managed to get two inclusive of postage for £8.40 :) woot. They were only £2.20 each and £4.00 postage which I admit is a lot considering it's only the cost of a first class stamp but most of the 2Gig SD cards were advertised at being £4 last week so that is where the difference is, they're making it look like a bargain and then whopping great big postage prices on the thing, bit Jack really but still, just like ebay.

I am really looking forward to finding out what games like Animal Crossing have that make them so addictive and to see if I get addicted to it instead of sitting online or asleep all day, would be good to have something else to do to try and reduce the amount of hours I sleep. I need sleep in the days but I honestly don't need as much sleep as I've started getting, I don't think I do anyway because it has started to disrupt my bed time sleep, well going to bed at 8 or 9pm is screwing it up anyway, I need to stop going to bed so early and just waiting for it to be time for bed *rolls eyes* my friends would be far happier to witness me in the evening anyway lol

Oh, we managed to get Bronwyn some shoes, this was after a tantrum of hers because she didn't want the only pair of Mothercare shoes that looked like they fit her, they were £15, we had to go back into Clarks where she was measured (incidentally good job she was measured because she is 1 1/2 on one foot and 2 on the other instead of what I thought (1 and 1 1/2)) we found a pair of shoes in Clarks that were an absolutely perfect fit and she actually liked them too, they were not admittedly the pair that she first chose, but they would do. She wanted the ones with patent on them. I can remember insisting on patent for so many years and never being able to have it, and then when I considered myself too old for patent the only pair of shoes that fit.. you guessed it... were bloody patent. Darnit! rofl I think that was about the time that I ordered myself a pair of £40 Doc Martens and paid Mum weekly for them out of my allowance (it was called pocket money back then).

I am going to make a promise to you innocent bloggy readers now, I am going to try very hard to curb the words that I am using in my blog, the swear words, not what I consider to be OK, like bloody etc, but the F word will no longer be used, even if I am fuming about something I will try very hard to keep it out. I know that some of you use such bad language anyway, but I should not encourage it so I am going to leave it out of my blog from now on, I hope you understand why I'm doing it and don't feel like I'm patronising you. Some people just don't like those words ANYWAY no matter how old or young that they are.

*behaves*

That wasn't a joke or sarcasm or a response to being told off, that was me genuinely realising that such words are not required, no matter how hot ones feelings get, there are other words, far more potent but non swearing words that can be used. The English Language is a wonderful thing when you think about it.

Bugger, I have just remembered that my medication is sitting at the chemist awaiting collection, I have run out of meptid, and the chemist closed at 5pm I think today, in the week he is open until 7pm, but only 5pm on a Saturday, bugger and bother and all sorts. I've run out of meptid, hopefully I won't notice any side effects from not having them, it doesn't warn not to stop taking them suddenly or something like my other meds do, the ones that you risk respiratory failure or a heart attack or both by stopping dead if you are on a reasonably high dose. *eeeks* rofl

I have the farts heheh *blush* big loud embarrassing ones that keep getting me told off by Simon, oh well, he's lucky they are not silent but violent at least the very vocal ones do not smell at all they are just trapped air that go downstairs into the cellar instead of up and out the roof rofl ;)

I think it's a Joe's Pizza night tonight, I so cannot be arsed to sort food out for the kids, I am going to share my chips with them too instead of having 1 between them because even one between them is too many.

Right, time to order and bugger off and stop waffling. brb lol

I'm baaaaack :) heheh

went, was abducted by Euan to help him finish off a jigsaw heh.

I'm off downstairs now so will see you soon.

Bye bye!

x

Vitamin D3 :S

I'm low in Vitamin D apparently which can cause general aches and pains but shouldn't be causing the pain in the level that I am feeling it. Hopefully the "general aches and pains" will bugger off when I've had my Vitamin D levels increased by taking vitamin D tablets heheh.

I tried a tablet (chewable) today in the car on the way back from the chemist and it tasted bloody disgusting, I then read that it was to be followed by a drink of water, probably because it tastes so disgusting rofl

Simon is feeding his diddy spiddys at the moment heheh quite a delicate job of giving them micro crickets, he's realising that they are due bigger containers, they've grown somewhat and surprised him.

Now to the next size up. It takes him forever to feed his spiddies and it doesn't bother him in the slightest, at least he has a hobby that he enjoys. He's still pining for crabs though bless him heheh

I don't know how he can be so delicate with the crickets, I'd pick them up and squish them by holding onto them heheh

Christmas mug went away yesterday, for another 11 months then it will be out and being drunk out of again. 1st December - 6th January or whenever I think about it rofl not very long for a mug to see tea or even daylight as a matter of fact. Incidentally mugs don't have eyes nor are they able to "see" as they are inanimate objects, but just imagine if they were magic like in Beast's house of Beauty and the Beast, now that would be some fun I bet! rofl

Still pining for emoticons on this thing, I managed to copy them across from a different place so why can't they actually have them on their servers for all the blog keepers to use? :( darn people who run this blogspot/blogger whatever it is called.

I'm falling asleep again. Going to have to sleep when the children are put into bed. Snnoooozzzeee mmmmm sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep heheh (sorry msn buddies but I needs to sleep)

Right, had better bugger off and get Euan in bed now peoples.

Night night

I am so gutted

I am torn apart and ripped to pieces, I cannot believe she could do that, she was supposed to be a friend, a good friend so I thought. I know that things have been rocky lately but that was the last thing I was expecting.

rAt Last

Finally cleaned out the ratties today, the top lot were not too bad but the bottom cage because it hadn't been cleaned out from before we had the babies (there was nothing in it for ages before you all have a go at me) and because the blacks were put in there as a kind of emergency I didn't have time to clean it out before I put them in, it was rather a mess. Finally got both cages done though and was absolutely cream crackered and didn't even have the energy to do my dailies when I had finished so I went straight to bed (after cleaning up a bit)

All critters cleaned out now although you'd not believe that I cleaned the hammies out the other day, they stink to high heaven again already phhoooooeeeeyyy lol I don't know why they stink so much, I clean them out when they smell, but it's never less than a week between cleans and I clean everything thoroughly to get rid of the stench, and even when Simon carried them upstairs straight after a clean he said that they stank and they did! Why? Why is it that all my rodents stink? What am I doing wrong? :(

I have the doctors tomorrow morning, he wants to talk to me about my blood test results, apparently the receptionist said that it wasn't to tell me that there was nothing wrong that the blood test did have a flag on it, so I have to wait til tomorrow to find out what is wrong now, I know I'm low on vits and minerals because I don't intake enough food with them in to be able to give me normal levels, but that's just tough cookie dough, I am not intaking more food, I want to be slender bean not fat egg.

I'm tired, not as tired as I was last night, but still tired, I went to bed as soon as I put the children to bed last night, and I made them go early so I was in bed by quarter to eight at the latest heheh

I can hear one of the rats chewing on a piece of pasta lol they are so noisy when they do that! That reminds me the hammies are going to need some more food, they eat the shunamite diet now, I'm trying to elongate their lives as they were looking VERY old and frail the other week, they're not even a year old yet but they didn't look too well, so I thought, as long as it's not too late, if I put them on a controlled diet instead of the crappy cheap Tesco hamster mix, that hopefully we will elongate their lives a bit after their normal sell by date heheh

Went out to Hollybush today, Simon was stocking up on things for his hermit crabs and we also went to look for ideas for planting in the lizard tank, we looked around the fishy bit and as usual other than the axylotles (sp) which always catch my eye there was nothing else in there that was truly amazing.

Tis nice to just trundle (in the chair being pushed) around there though and had a look at the lizards and they had some beautiful ones even a chameleon, I love chameleons I'd love one as a pet, that is one lizard I have always wanted, sadly though, unless we get a bigger house, I'm not going to be able to have one :( They had some beautiful geckos in there there were some that were sitting on the glass, I did check and it said they were geckos, they were beautiful, some kind of tree species I think, Simon said we could have those in our tank if money wasn't an issue, they were about £50 each I think, quite a bit of money, especially when we'd want at least a pair of them. Would have to ask if they'd do a deal for the two I guess.

Hollybush will get green anoles in at £10.99 each which is round about the price that Simon was looking at them for, and obviously we wouldn't have to pay postage on them as we'd collect them ourselves. All we have to do is either pop in or call on the Wednesday and he would have them for us as swiftly as next day on the Thursday, we'd obviously have to call early to ensure that they'd not already done the order.

Well, I suppose I better bog off and go and do some forum work, I haven't done backups for a while! Not that it matters though as there's not that many posts been done on the forum, it's dead as a dodo lately. *rolls eyes*

See ya laters!

x

Geesh what a knackered up me.

I only moved a sofa (on wooden floor so slid easily but heavy) and the rat cage and cleaned up the hall so I could put the Christmas Decs under the stairs (cupboard) and then put the decs away, moved the rat cage back and tidied up and I am so knackered you'd think I'd been out all day working a manual job, honestly, I've been there so know how it feels and I know this knackered "outness" is the exact same. Stupid really, trouble is I'm buggered up for most of the day now and I have to clean out two lots of rat cages :( I'm not looking forward to that in the slightest. I wish they were all together, cleaning out one cage was knackering enough but two? eeek.

Simon has decided we're having the lizards in the terrarium upstairs and crabs in the vivarium downstairs lol as long as he deals with the feeding and everything I don't mind what he does, I'm having the lizards though, they will be my ickle babies :) I hope that they will be handleable, I've always wanted a pet lizard and with them being in the bedroom where we will be I'm sure I'll be able to see them lots and lots.

I'm really looking forward to the setting up stage though, watching Simon doing his usual and making a fantastic set up that looks natural and real, then adding the little mites heheh (Lizards not mites lol)

So, what's been going on... last night was boring as usual, I was way to tired to log on to msn and talk, I know Jane might be upset with me, I ended up doing that little blog but I just wasn't in the mood to sit and talk to ANYONE, I felt sad again and I didn't want to instill my sadness on anyone else.

I want my Mummy is what I keep thinking, I need to go and see her, without the children or anyone and just sit and give her a really big cuddle and tell her that I love her so much, explain to her that although I still have feelings of not being the best or very high up on her priorities right now, that I still feel that she loves me. I just need her to know how much I love her regardless of all that has been said and done.

It's not fair, if I could relive my life I would relive it in a snap, as long as I could end up with my children and being with Simon I would relive the rest of it and be such a good child for my parents and grow up without a single problem and they would love me more for never causing them a problem EVER they would respect me as much as I respect them.

I wish I was closer to my Dad really, I really do I wish that he thought I was his little princess and not Clare, she's been bad too, but she will always be closer to Dad no matter what, Dave is close to him and they'll talk about everything and anything too, it's just not fair. Dad still can't cope with me being poorly, he doesn't want to see me so fat either I think it upsets him because he knows I shouldn't be so fat. I am trying desperately to lose the weight though and get back down to a size that he will be OK with me for. Trying so hard I am. I wish I didn't have to eat ANYTHING, then I'd not be such a fat cow. Mooooooo moooooo mooooo.

I've just gone monged, I am not sure why, maybe it is the extra baclofen I took last night and the baclofen from this morning building up together I don't know, I know that baclofen is the only med I took differently, or maybe I am actually having a mong, which I still get now and again, hope not though as that will be me asleep and out for the day then. :S

Euan started as if he was going to have a major tantrum this morning but I managed to talk him out of it when I reminded him that he had his new "school trainers" to wear though, which was a relief, I thought we were going to have another episode of Euan being late because he has a screaming fit, Simon refusing to take him and so on, I hate those mornings I really do, I just cannot stand them, if Simon stayed calm it would be half as bad because he would be OK to take him as soon as Euan calmed down, but Simon just gets really angry with it and then it's all to pot. Two boys having a tantrum and sulking, one 6 coming on 7 one 28 coming on what? rofl bless him, I know why he hasn't got the same patience I have with him, because he's not his child.

I forgot to take my watch off last night and now it's left an imprint on my wrist which is quite sore so I'm having to wear it on the right wrist for a bit instead, not ideal but it will have to suffice.

Looks like Simon is about to listen to some music, or a youtube vid or something as he has put his headphones on. Ignorant bugger lol, I think I might do the same actually lol yup, am listening to my Enya play list, actually better turn it down a bit otherwise if the door knocks I won't be able to hear it , he's finished now *turns it back up again* *rolls eyes* for god sake now he's playing his game with his headphones on *takes headphones out and listens on laptop* *rolls eyes at Simon*

I am sitting like a buddah with my laptop on my "lap" rofl, I didn't really think much of the position until I saw a reflection of myself in Simon's spider tank, either I'm smaller in height than I thought I was or Simon's tank is huge because I can see all of me in the reflection short of about 3cm off the top of me head. I need the toilet but I really can't be bothered to go, I'll wait til I can wait no more and hope I'm not too late rofl *gets back from toilet* it caught me but I was there just in time lol *ewww gross*

I am thinking that as Bronny's class seems to have finished swimming that I had better buy some swimming trunks for Euan because he might be going swimming later on this term, it won't hurt for him to have some just incase anyway because Aunty Emma might take me up on the request to take the kiddies swimming and I will come and watch in the balconies (or wherever you watch from) heheh I would love for them to be able to have a casual swim instead of having to just swim where the school says when the school says. If it has finished (Bronny's swimming lesson) I'll be a bit peeved because she won't have learned ANYTHING in that short time of swimming from September to December, there is practically nothing she could have learned on a weekly lesson for only so many weeks, and I bet they're only in the water for about 30 minutes as well.

I can remember going to swimming lessons from McGregor Primary School, daft that is, I can't remember yesterday but I can remember back to when I was in infant school. I can remember going on the coach down to the swimming baths, walking to the baths, getting changed and then being in the water, I distinctly remember looking over the edge of the pool to see the teacher standing above us. Then I remember the fun of getting changed afterwards, racing to get changed so we could buy sweeties and/or crisps from the vending machine. I religiously had a packet of cola flavoured frosties at 10p, only on the odd occasion did I have a packet of polos, the frosties went down better though, nothing lasted rofl, tis like life really, nothing that one enjoys lasts very long, unless you have the joy of a fantastic person's company for the rest of your life, like I hopefully will with Simon (if he doesn't leave me), THAT lasts :D

I often sit and wonder if I'll get old with Simon, I would like to but unfortunately he keeps saying things that makes me heavily doubt that he wants to stay with me. Can't say I blame him really, BUT if he wants out he should say so instead of just letting it go on and giving me false hopes that we're going to be together forever. Now if he read this he'd accuse me of wanting out even though I've made it obvious that I definitely don't I'm just worried he does.

Girls who have anxiety and self conscious problems, don't bother finding a man, you'll spend the rest of your life wondering when he's going to leave you, yes you will enjoy the relationship and love the man very very dearly, but you will still have doubts of his fidelity and his loyalty and commitment. Even if you are married I think.

Geesh I'm falling asleep, not like nodding off a little bit, like keep falling asleep properly until my head sags as far as it will go left or right and I wake up with what feels like a few pencils being jabbed in my neck rofl I am going to have to sleep I think, that way I MIGHT be able to get up and do the rats after I have slept because surely I shall not sleep until gone 3.30pm :S though, knowing me...

Simon is swearing at his game :S naughty naughty Simon lol naughty boy that he is, he obviously died because he has stopped playing it since he said a naughty naughty F word (listen to me acting all innocent I have said that here in my blog before it's not as if I am new to the word lol.

I am going to have to go now as my eyes are tired and I'm getting double vision and it's giving me a headache trying to re-focus my eyes through all the laziness of them (yes I know I should be wearing my glasses then, but what good are glasses when my eyes are tired because I am falling asleep?)

good night fellow bloggiefolk

back to Asda this evening *rolls eyes*

Been back to Asda tonight, with a school shoe trek the ones I had chosen for Bronny were too big, we tried the smaller size and they were too tight (teach me for Buying shoes with her absent I suppose) so it looks like another visit to Clarks for Bronny as we can never find shoes to fit her adequately *rolls eyeballs* never mind. I had bought Euan's in completely the wrong size!

Euan was easy to please, although they didn't have the correct size of the shoe that I had bought in completely the wrong size (he's an 11 god knows why I bought a 13 stupid cow) but they had some in another design thankfully. I wanted velcro trainer like shoes so that he didn't keep having a hissy fit saying he wanted to wear his trainers instead because Bronny was wearing hers at the moment and so on, or some other reason why he wants to wear his trainers. No doubt there will be something wrong with these shoes you can bet once he wears them the first day either someone will comment on them and he'll hate them or he'll decide they don't fit blah blah blah.

wish me luck for tomorrow lol

Shoes, socks, and swexy knick knicks lol

Well, hardly sexy, more cute, but that's what I have purchased today, shoes for both kiddies, trainer type shoes for Euan so he doesn't protest about wearing "shoes" all the time to school and some slip on ballet style ones for Bronny, not the rubbery ones though the hard ones, I doubt they'll fit her but can always try, hopefully Euan's will fit him perfick.

Socks are for Euan, because I cannot ever find a PAIR of socks for him to wear when I need to, I've bought him 15 pairs so hopefully we will always have a pair available, I don't think his attention will be on his socks now he has a cool pair of footwear to wear. I also bought Bronny two new pairs of school trousers so that she doesn't have to wear the same pair all week bless her.

The knickers are mine because the bucket knickers I bought at size 16-18 are too big and I keep having to pull them up, I've bought some high leg briefs instead of bucket knickers at a size 16, I am hoping that they will be substantial enough to hide my horrible pads that I have to wear. :S *Bleugh* They are different colours so I'll be able to play the panty game without constantly saying white or black (the old ones I had) heheh (Doh, that's not the reason I bought them honestly! rofl)

Oh, bought Euan some more pants too because his other pairs have shrunk in the wash and end up being quite tight throughout the day and it can't be comfortable for him as they leave a mark.

Oh oh, I bought me a watch too! It was only £15 :) I'll show you a picture of it when I manage to take a picture that isn't reflecting off it and screwing it up. (the pic lol) it's a dainty little thing for me, especially as I was looking at getting a Baby-G watch, one of the bulky sports ones, very similar to the one that I had before that HE (ANCHOR!!) stole off me *rolls eyes* because he bought it so apparently even though it was a birthday present to me years ago it belonged to him because he bought it. *rolls eyes again* anyway, back to the moment in question, yes it is dainty and pretty it has a little flower charm dangling off it just before the strap starts, the strap is one of those elasticated kinda ones so unless I get fatter it will fit me, I'm having a swell up on my wrists at the moment and it's gone a tinsy bit tight but it was absolutely fine when not having a swell up.

I'm sorry to those who avidly read my blog (I still think you're mad!) that I didn't blog last night, when I was about to start it Simon moaned about wanting to go to sleep and would it be a long one blah blah blah. heheh.

Oh yeah, parents came yesterday, Mum and Dad bought me an iTunes card at £15 and some hair bobbles, Mum must be psychic because I actually needed hair bobbles because I had one clean but messy one that had snapped and I had tied a knot in it to put it back in my hair and that's the way it's been for months, (I mean the bobble not my hair, I do wash my hair rofl) scutter I am heheh

Katy was scared of Oscar as usual bless her soul. Katy enjoys chasing cats until she can't go any further but if a cat doesn't run, she doesn't know what to do about it so gets scared, bless her heart she must be the soppiest daftest most scaredest (I Know that's not a word :P) Dog I have ever had the pleasure to meet. She makes a good guard dog when she needs to though, but I'm not sure whether she would attack an intruder or lick it to death rofl. Oscar kept getting closer and just staring at her but Katy refused point blank to look at him, it wasn't just a sideways I'm not looking it was a look up, look left, look down, look right, anything but look at that cat, and her sad puppy eyes when she was doing it were delightful. rofl I want a Katy dog but the chances of getting another lab as gorgeous as Katy would be remote never mind having a dog at all. Simon is still adamant that I am never going to have one :( *mopes and sulks and pouts*

They had also brought me a raspberry pavlova as my Birthday cake heheh we all shared it and it was yumilicious cream had caramelised into the mergingue because it had been left out of the cold for too long but it was still nice, Mum had taken it out of the freezer and put it on the side to defrost yesterday morning instead of putting it in the fridge to defrost, I think they say overnight in the fridge but a couple of hours has to be out of the fridge. Either way it was too long and it had started "melting" anyway (whippy cream had turned to creamy cream rofl)

Air Products are on the way at the moment to come and collect the empties from Christmas (had two extra ones) I forgot to ask him on the phone to bring some canulas in with him because I need some more of the soft curved ones I've only got hard straight ones left, I'm not really keen on them because the rubber bar that sits on the outside of the nose towards the lip rubs in the corner between my nose and the downy bit between my nose and lips (forgotten what it's called now) philtrum, that's it, a philtrum *giggle* I would never have remembered that in a million years heheh. and eventually it makes it bleed or gives me an abrasion blister which hurts just like a burn blister, that's all it is really, a burn blister, I think? :S

Anyway, I've waffled on for far too long and it's time I put myself into bed for a while now, so I will see you later on.

Huggles and stuff

Carol

x

Happy Buffday to me 33 today

33 eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah it's not fair that is getting so close to being old if I'm not already old! lol Saying that my sister who is 3 years older will be 36 in 20 days and that's even older! even closer to 40 *squeals* rofl

I've had an itunes card and a DVD player for my birthday, Simon will get me something later on when he has the money to do so. Euan gave me his Bee Movie Bee from McDonalds as a birthday present bless his cotton socks, he is so wonderfully generous and never thinks of himself he's always considerate of others bless him. Such a good heart.

I've had a good day in all, I had a moment of depression where I felt like total shit but after a lot of ranting to Jane and her listening to me and just being there, I felt a hell of a lot better, she really helped, I don't think she realised how much she helped. BUT I turned into Happy not long after I complained loads heheh THANK YOU JANE

Simon is going to be complaining at me very soon for wanting to continue with my blog whilst he is in bed *rolls eyes* it's not his fault he gets tired before me sometimes though, we just watched a film that I didn't remotely understand the whole point of it, Daajeeling Ltd if someone asked me whether it is worth seeing I would give a definite no thankyou! heheh I think it would have been better if I could hear it and see it better on the big screen but we watched it upstairs on the diddy diddy LCD instead. I wish we had a bigger flat screen for the bedroom I really do.

Green Anole's are the lizards that we are going for, the males have a pouch that they inflate under their chin which is red, I have just looked at some photographs of them and I really like the pictures they remind me of kermit the frog, with the human hand in the face, it looks almost like it has fingers going down into it's nose as if it is a puppet? No? Am I just going mad? rofl

http://floridanature.files.wordpress.com/2008/08/green-anole.jpg

http://www.saltgrassflats.com/images/green_anole_green_01a_smithoaks_040502.jpg

cute don't ya think? Apparently according to Simon we are having one male and 4 females in the big cube terrarium :) They light height so Simon will build it up so that they have lots of places to grow bigger and climb up. I'm quite excited about it all, Simon is going to pay for it all as part of my birthday present so they will be ours but half gifted to me.

Not sure on the timescale on when these little buggers will be living with us, but I'm sure knowing Simon that it won't be all that long, it'll just be a case of getting them in for us, the supplier, such as the reptile shop in the Hollybush Garden Centre, Simon said we'd probably phone them and ask them to get some in for us that way we wouldn't have to pay the fortune that we'd have to pay on postage from the reptile shop online which is based in Rhyl, they want £28 for overnight delivery! Sheesh, that's a lot of money on top of the price of the lizards.

My neck is really sore at the moment, it is covered in little lumps which fell like spots but they don't emerge they are just really itchy so I scratch them until they bleed and then they go and I get another one almost next to it, there is that many under the skin waiting to pop up that it is really painful to touch the neck in the area that they are in. I guess it's my own bloody fault for not washing my hair often enough so the grease is affecting my neck? It's the only thing I can think of, unless it's the sweat as my neck is often soaked in sweat at night and when I get up in the morning.

EWWWW I hear you say! lol

Anyway, I better go now, only a short bloggy for tonight as it's in demand :P lol

Good night xx

Apologies dear readers

I apologise for writing such a morbid blog yesterday, it's always when I think of death that I go over the whole fate, justice fair scenario and it really screws with my head and I get really upset about it and then scared about dying.. and so on.

Anyway, this is an apology so I am not going to go on about it again.

~~<~@ ~~<~@ ~~<~@ ~~<~@ ~~<~@ ~~<~@ ~~<~@ ~~<~@

^^ They are supposed to be roses heheh

Have already cleaned the hamsters out this morning and yes I can now confirm I'm having a flare up because just that simple task of cleaning out such a small housing has totally knackered me from head to toe, I mean come on, even my kids could do that job easy enough, it's not back breaking work, but it felt like it was, after a few moments of standing up I get increasingly sharp and painful stabs in my back and then it just spreads all over down my legs and up into my body and my shoulders and everything hurt, just from standing up doing nothing! :( and Simon wonders why I hardly do anything or I try and put off cleaning out the rats until the very last minute, that's the one that nigh on kills me, cleaning out the rats :S I love them to bits I truly do but I kinda wish when it's cleaning out time that they were not mine rofl.

Simon and I have decided that as a joint venture we are going to have lizards instead of crabs or frogs, we fell in love with a basalisk yesterday but when we found out that they grow to 2.5feet we realised that was a tad too big for us. We are going to get the rent out of the way, Simon wants to buy more scorpions before he buys anything else then we are going to work on the lizard project. I think Simon will end up spending the most money on them but that's only because I have less and less money to spend on things as the weeks go by, giving Si £15 a week towards the electricity bill has really crippled me and I'm not sure I will EVER have any pennies spare, I don't think I'll be able to continue doing the shopping never mind anything else, it's just not fair, especially as he seems to have a lot more spare cash every other week than I ever have these days, which means he can constantly treat HIMself to things. When I buy something for me I get told off for spending money most of the time.

Anyway we won't go into that argument because there is a lot deeper to go and I don't want to get stuck in the bottom and not be able to climb out and then resent him for the rest of the day rofl

I can hear birds! First time I've heard birds in a long time, and I know that it's not his crickets making all the noise, tis tweetypie birds so it is.

My R4 card still hasn't arrived in the post :( I'm well pissed, it should have been here ages ago, I paid for it ages ago anyway. *goes to check bank* yes it went out on time too, so I cannot see where the problem lies *goes to check Amazon* estimated delivery was 5 - 8 January so I'm guessing Royal Mail is at fault here, I can't use it until Euan's memory card turns up anyway because I'm having his old memory card for my R4. I'll probably be most likely to use it in my phone than the DS actually. Though I could ask Simon to buy me a micro SD card for the phone it's not got to be a huge one just big enough to take a few pictures when we're out, though I suppose I had better start using the big bulky camera that he gave me when his new one arrived from his parents either for his birthday or Christmas I cannot remember which.

I have decided that if I can save myself from spending March's DLA payment I am going to use it to buy the family a Wii :) Though, knowing us we'll have to dip into the rent so I'll have no choice but to do it.

Hmm what to say next? I don't know actually I have no idea what to say next, I take it that gives me the hint to say goodbye and bugger off and do something else, I haven't checked the forum this morning I guess I could check that we don't have any bad spamming members joined rofl lol

Byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

2 sleeps

and then I am officially an old fart lol

11 I can't remember, 22 I was still having fun without children, 33 I'm now going to be old and past it and I bet I grow at least 10 more grey hairs to match my age. It's at this time of life where I feel old and it's not fair because my personality and characteristics are still that of a childish kid who pulls pranks on people, farts in yer face, asks you to pull my finger and then I fart when you do, or sees if they can say bollox whilst burping that's me, I'm not 33 years OLD.

They say you're as old as you feel, but that's debatable because although I'm a child at heart, my body is a knackered old woman who is about 80 odd, I look less agile than my Gramps, he's 84, I wish I was as frail as he was, I'd be thin then and not oh so fat.

I loves my Gramps I does, more than you could ever imagine, he is my world is my Gramps, we don't see each other that often and he never phones me any more, but I loves him incredibly muchly. I just wish I lived closer so I could visit him on a weekly basis. Every day that I DON'T see him I live another day of dread that it's going to be so long since I saw him, when he decides to quit his life on this planet. You know? I know I shouldn't feel like that but I am so scared of that day when he goes, I know it will be the end for me too, I don't think I'll cope, I have my children to think of but still, my Gramps... you wouldn't understand what is going around in my head right now, If I could I'd make him immortal, and I'd bring back my Nan too, just until I go that is, how incredibly selfish of me is that, but I just want them in my life for my whole life, I know I will most probably outlive my parents too, but I hope that I don't, I don't want to witness anymore death in my family, I just can't do it.

I spent all last night sobbing in tears because someone I knew from 5 years ago had died, although I knew him like a grandfather to me for about 6 years prior to that, the Anchor turned him against me though, told him and the next door neighbours that I was not looking after my children, that I had cheated on him and all sorts of stories came out of his lying decieving mouth. If he'd have not done that I wouldn't have raced to get my arse out of the house and move. I'd have waited til the last possible minute, which would have been 2005 when he disappeared off the face of the earth. BUT then I'd have had to witness knowing he'd died there and then, I'd have gone to visit him in hospital and known he was "dead" then and it would have broken my heart, so maybe things did turn out fot the better. For me that is.

I can't believe that hearing about his death has affected me so much, I am not sure how much is the actual incident, the fact that I started thinking about my Nan again last night or the fact that I just cannot deal with the idea of death right now, it scares me uncontrollably, I don't even know if I'm scared of dying myself, I think I'm more scared of losing everyone around me. I think that's more likely hit the nail on the head, I can't bear to lose anymore of my loved ones, I just can't bear it. I actually feel sick right now, the same way I felt with worrying about it all last night, or it might be hunger, I don't know.

Who chooses, what I want to know is, is it written in our DNA from the day we are created, how long we are meant to live, as in when we are MEANT to die, then of course there is a freak accident, but are they written into our lives to?

For instance, take my old mate Bill, he had his heart done in the summer it was the healthiest thing ever, no more angina anymore, no more risks, one fully working bostin Ticker... and then he goes and get's brain deaded in a car accident later that year, I mean, what was that about, surely fate would have been kinder to top him off in his heart op, than to kill him months later in a car accident, it's like "oops you didn't die then, lets try again".

I'm gutted, I still feel my tears welling up every time I think about it, it's just NOT FUCKIN FAIR!

It's the same as with my Nan, why was she taken then, on that day, walking innocently into town, and by such a sure way that she couldn't be saved by medical intervention too :(

then there's poor Jacqui, Richard's wife (nextdoor but one neighbours at old house) she suffered a heart attack too, I mean WHY? WHY, and WHO the fuck decides? She smoked yes (unless she quit, I don't know) and had the occasional tipple and worked hard and had a wonderful family, so WHY?

I had better change the subject before I spend the night falling asleep crying again.

Birth, now that's a miracle ain't it? How something so wonderful and beautiful and awe inspiring can come from a tadpole and an egg, and how everything is mapped out on that little strand of DNA and a beautifully wonderful little princess or prince can come out of that yuck lol rofl

My children are both beautiful and I love them to bits, even when Euan is having his tantrums I can see the real Euan in him, the Euan that is good and sweet and kind and would share his heart with you if you asked him to, literally, seriously he is so generous and kind. Then you have Bronny who is well behaved most of the time but then you have her having a flid, mouthing back at me, crying, my god does she have emotions, but she has a heart of gold, rather selfish but she is wonderful.

I still can't believe that I was mostly responsible for creating them, I mean it was my womb that looked after them and fed them and nourished them for 9 months of their lives, I don't think a man will EVER understand the bond between a Mother and her child because they have been inside her for 9 months nurturing and growing, but then again some women do not bond with their children, it breaks my heart to imagine not being able to love my child from day one, I didn't think it's possible really, but it is.

And then there is friends. Friends, real Friends are there for you no matter what, they love you more every day and they never judge you for anything. They are rocks, they are something to cling to when you need a hug, they are there whenever you need them and they always know what to say when you need something saying, that's the beauty of a real good friend, they know you so well they know what you are thinking most of the time. I haven't got a friend like that, the only person that is like that with me is Simon. I wish I had a REALLYREALLY close friend, someone that I can talk to about anything and everything whenever I want. I've never really had a friend that good. Awwww listen to me, woe is me eh?

If I'd have treated my friends better at school instead of going off in the bad crowd, then maybe one of them would still be a close friend now. Emma is my best mate but she doesn't really know me. It's not her fault though, she's very busy is our Emma.

*stops the self pity*

I'm sorry you lot, you must be wanting to slap me round the face now and tell me to shut up and behave and be thankful that I am alive and (reasonably) well.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Hmm, well yes, it's my birthday on Saturday :) I have Christina and co. coming on Saturday (Simon's family) and then my parents coming on Sunday, I've asked Mum to get a gateaux or a pavlova or something for us to share for me birthday. :) mmmmmmm I can't wait :)

I said I wouldn't mind an itunes gift card if they haven't already got me something, which is quite cheeky really considering they start at £15 so that's like... Mum, Dad I want you to spend at least £15 on me oK? heheh they used to spend £20 as a budget on us all but I don't know if that is still the case, will have to see, at least I'll know on Sunday :)

Right... Simon wants to go to bed now so I shall shut up for the evening.

Happy reading fellow blogreaders and I hope that I have not depressed you too much.

xx