Hmmmm
I dreamt that their Father was back on the scene and trying to fight for custody last night, he was winning too because he claimed he could provide a loving home for them, and him and his wife (Dawn, they've got to be married by now, unless he cheated on her too) were fit and healthy so they could provide the proper love and attention that the children required.
I don't know if he ever would do that to be honest, I think he is happy with his new home and doesn't want it disturbing with his past children. He's forgotten about them and doesn't give a monkey's now he knows he cannot make any money out of them and that seeing them only means that he has to pay money for them.
I know his parents desperately want to see them, I would love to be able to let them see them but it's just too much trouble, Simon would have to take them for a start and then we'd constantly be worried that "he" would be there to take them away, even if he didn't want them he'd probably nab them and take them abroad just to break my heart and rip me to pieces.
I wish I could arrange for his parents to see them, I know it would bring everything up again, but I think the children would actually benefit from seeing them and I'm damn sure that his parents would benefit because I know how desperately they want to see them. Simon won't let me though because I would have to go with them for a start and he knows how much I hate seeing them and how they have made me feel in the past.
We are off to Simon's parents' this weekend for Simon's Mum's Birthday which is actually on Friday but she works so we cannot go on Friday, also there would be no-one else there as they are all out at work, school or college. To be honest I'm half not looking forward to it because of the way Euan has been playing up lately, and the way he is really naughty when it comes to being hometime. Will have to make sure that their DS's are fully charged and that they don't go on them in the car they have to wait until we get there to play on them. That way they will last a bit longer so that they can take their time up more. They'll only beg to play on James' or Adam's games stations though.
I wish that Mum would invite us there more often but Sundays are for Dave, no-one can take over going for dinner on a Sunday, it's Dave's day and that's final! :( Apart from Christmas and Birthdays, we were invited to their house ONCE last year, they were invited here loads and only turned up half of the time :( It's just not fair, we're of no interest to them whatsoever, they've got their precious Olivia and David and Caroline now, they don't need anyone else. Unless Clare is over of course, then everything changes. Mum said she thought I had gotten over the "you don't love me" scenario, I did get over that ages ago, but it still doesn't stop me thinking that she doesn't love me as much as she does my siblings and their wedded partners.
I am a failure, I have failed all my life in their eyes, I have never done anything to make them proud of me, my Children are now fucked up because of what has happened with their Dad, so none of us can do anything outstanding to make them think WOW. :( :( :(
*sulks*
We're going to be a week late on the rent again this month :( It's Christmas that has done it, if I hadn't spent all that money at Tesco for other people's presents and stuff I'd have been able to repay the rent and not go behind at all. Hopefully next month my DLA will come in, in time to replace the money that we are behind so that we can start again with the rent and from March onwards we'll be able to pay the rent on time. I don't know how we've managed to even survive this long what with the little amount of money that is left in my bank after everything that goes out. I need to change this payment for the electric that I have made to Simon so that it goes out every other week as I cannot afford every week like we're doing, I need the "other" week so I can get shopping that week on a Tuesday when I know exactly how much money I have got.
Anyway, I'm hungeee so I'm off to get something to eat.
TTFN
I dreamt that their Father was back on the scene and trying to fight for custody last night, he was winning too because he claimed he could provide a loving home for them, and him and his wife (Dawn, they've got to be married by now, unless he cheated on her too) were fit and healthy so they could provide the proper love and attention that the children required.
I don't know if he ever would do that to be honest, I think he is happy with his new home and doesn't want it disturbing with his past children. He's forgotten about them and doesn't give a monkey's now he knows he cannot make any money out of them and that seeing them only means that he has to pay money for them.
I know his parents desperately want to see them, I would love to be able to let them see them but it's just too much trouble, Simon would have to take them for a start and then we'd constantly be worried that "he" would be there to take them away, even if he didn't want them he'd probably nab them and take them abroad just to break my heart and rip me to pieces.
I wish I could arrange for his parents to see them, I know it would bring everything up again, but I think the children would actually benefit from seeing them and I'm damn sure that his parents would benefit because I know how desperately they want to see them. Simon won't let me though because I would have to go with them for a start and he knows how much I hate seeing them and how they have made me feel in the past.
We are off to Simon's parents' this weekend for Simon's Mum's Birthday which is actually on Friday but she works so we cannot go on Friday, also there would be no-one else there as they are all out at work, school or college. To be honest I'm half not looking forward to it because of the way Euan has been playing up lately, and the way he is really naughty when it comes to being hometime. Will have to make sure that their DS's are fully charged and that they don't go on them in the car they have to wait until we get there to play on them. That way they will last a bit longer so that they can take their time up more. They'll only beg to play on James' or Adam's games stations though.
I wish that Mum would invite us there more often but Sundays are for Dave, no-one can take over going for dinner on a Sunday, it's Dave's day and that's final! :( Apart from Christmas and Birthdays, we were invited to their house ONCE last year, they were invited here loads and only turned up half of the time :( It's just not fair, we're of no interest to them whatsoever, they've got their precious Olivia and David and Caroline now, they don't need anyone else. Unless Clare is over of course, then everything changes. Mum said she thought I had gotten over the "you don't love me" scenario, I did get over that ages ago, but it still doesn't stop me thinking that she doesn't love me as much as she does my siblings and their wedded partners.
I am a failure, I have failed all my life in their eyes, I have never done anything to make them proud of me, my Children are now fucked up because of what has happened with their Dad, so none of us can do anything outstanding to make them think WOW. :( :( :(
*sulks*
We're going to be a week late on the rent again this month :( It's Christmas that has done it, if I hadn't spent all that money at Tesco for other people's presents and stuff I'd have been able to repay the rent and not go behind at all. Hopefully next month my DLA will come in, in time to replace the money that we are behind so that we can start again with the rent and from March onwards we'll be able to pay the rent on time. I don't know how we've managed to even survive this long what with the little amount of money that is left in my bank after everything that goes out. I need to change this payment for the electric that I have made to Simon so that it goes out every other week as I cannot afford every week like we're doing, I need the "other" week so I can get shopping that week on a Tuesday when I know exactly how much money I have got.
Anyway, I'm hungeee so I'm off to get something to eat.
TTFN
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