I only moved a sofa (on wooden floor so slid easily but heavy) and the rat cage and cleaned up the hall so I could put the Christmas Decs under the stairs (cupboard) and then put the decs away, moved the rat cage back and tidied up and I am so knackered you'd think I'd been out all day working a manual job, honestly, I've been there so know how it feels and I know this knackered "outness" is the exact same. Stupid really, trouble is I'm buggered up for most of the day now and I have to clean out two lots of rat cages :( I'm not looking forward to that in the slightest. I wish they were all together, cleaning out one cage was knackering enough but two? eeek.
Simon has decided we're having the lizards in the terrarium upstairs and crabs in the vivarium downstairs lol as long as he deals with the feeding and everything I don't mind what he does, I'm having the lizards though, they will be my ickle babies :) I hope that they will be handleable, I've always wanted a pet lizard and with them being in the bedroom where we will be I'm sure I'll be able to see them lots and lots.
I'm really looking forward to the setting up stage though, watching Simon doing his usual and making a fantastic set up that looks natural and real, then adding the little mites heheh (Lizards not mites lol)
So, what's been going on... last night was boring as usual, I was way to tired to log on to msn and talk, I know Jane might be upset with me, I ended up doing that little blog but I just wasn't in the mood to sit and talk to ANYONE, I felt sad again and I didn't want to instill my sadness on anyone else.
I want my Mummy is what I keep thinking, I need to go and see her, without the children or anyone and just sit and give her a really big cuddle and tell her that I love her so much, explain to her that although I still have feelings of not being the best or very high up on her priorities right now, that I still feel that she loves me. I just need her to know how much I love her regardless of all that has been said and done.
It's not fair, if I could relive my life I would relive it in a snap, as long as I could end up with my children and being with Simon I would relive the rest of it and be such a good child for my parents and grow up without a single problem and they would love me more for never causing them a problem EVER they would respect me as much as I respect them.
I wish I was closer to my Dad really, I really do I wish that he thought I was his little princess and not Clare, she's been bad too, but she will always be closer to Dad no matter what, Dave is close to him and they'll talk about everything and anything too, it's just not fair. Dad still can't cope with me being poorly, he doesn't want to see me so fat either I think it upsets him because he knows I shouldn't be so fat. I am trying desperately to lose the weight though and get back down to a size that he will be OK with me for. Trying so hard I am. I wish I didn't have to eat ANYTHING, then I'd not be such a fat cow. Mooooooo moooooo mooooo.
I've just gone monged, I am not sure why, maybe it is the extra baclofen I took last night and the baclofen from this morning building up together I don't know, I know that baclofen is the only med I took differently, or maybe I am actually having a mong, which I still get now and again, hope not though as that will be me asleep and out for the day then. :S
Euan started as if he was going to have a major tantrum this morning but I managed to talk him out of it when I reminded him that he had his new "school trainers" to wear though, which was a relief, I thought we were going to have another episode of Euan being late because he has a screaming fit, Simon refusing to take him and so on, I hate those mornings I really do, I just cannot stand them, if Simon stayed calm it would be half as bad because he would be OK to take him as soon as Euan calmed down, but Simon just gets really angry with it and then it's all to pot. Two boys having a tantrum and sulking, one 6 coming on 7 one 28 coming on what? rofl bless him, I know why he hasn't got the same patience I have with him, because he's not his child.
I forgot to take my watch off last night and now it's left an imprint on my wrist which is quite sore so I'm having to wear it on the right wrist for a bit instead, not ideal but it will have to suffice.
Looks like Simon is about to listen to some music, or a youtube vid or something as he has put his headphones on. Ignorant bugger lol, I think I might do the same actually lol yup, am listening to my Enya play list, actually better turn it down a bit otherwise if the door knocks I won't be able to hear it , he's finished now *turns it back up again* *rolls eyes* for god sake now he's playing his game with his headphones on *takes headphones out and listens on laptop* *rolls eyes at Simon*
I am sitting like a buddah with my laptop on my "lap" rofl, I didn't really think much of the position until I saw a reflection of myself in Simon's spider tank, either I'm smaller in height than I thought I was or Simon's tank is huge because I can see all of me in the reflection short of about 3cm off the top of me head. I need the toilet but I really can't be bothered to go, I'll wait til I can wait no more and hope I'm not too late rofl *gets back from toilet* it caught me but I was there just in time lol *ewww gross*
I am thinking that as Bronny's class seems to have finished swimming that I had better buy some swimming trunks for Euan because he might be going swimming later on this term, it won't hurt for him to have some just incase anyway because Aunty Emma might take me up on the request to take the kiddies swimming and I will come and watch in the balconies (or wherever you watch from) heheh I would love for them to be able to have a casual swim instead of having to just swim where the school says when the school says. If it has finished (Bronny's swimming lesson) I'll be a bit peeved because she won't have learned ANYTHING in that short time of swimming from September to December, there is practically nothing she could have learned on a weekly lesson for only so many weeks, and I bet they're only in the water for about 30 minutes as well.
I can remember going to swimming lessons from McGregor Primary School, daft that is, I can't remember yesterday but I can remember back to when I was in infant school. I can remember going on the coach down to the swimming baths, walking to the baths, getting changed and then being in the water, I distinctly remember looking over the edge of the pool to see the teacher standing above us. Then I remember the fun of getting changed afterwards, racing to get changed so we could buy sweeties and/or crisps from the vending machine. I religiously had a packet of cola flavoured frosties at 10p, only on the odd occasion did I have a packet of polos, the frosties went down better though, nothing lasted rofl, tis like life really, nothing that one enjoys lasts very long, unless you have the joy of a fantastic person's company for the rest of your life, like I hopefully will with Simon (if he doesn't leave me), THAT lasts :D
I often sit and wonder if I'll get old with Simon, I would like to but unfortunately he keeps saying things that makes me heavily doubt that he wants to stay with me. Can't say I blame him really, BUT if he wants out he should say so instead of just letting it go on and giving me false hopes that we're going to be together forever. Now if he read this he'd accuse me of wanting out even though I've made it obvious that I definitely don't I'm just worried he does.
Girls who have anxiety and self conscious problems, don't bother finding a man, you'll spend the rest of your life wondering when he's going to leave you, yes you will enjoy the relationship and love the man very very dearly, but you will still have doubts of his fidelity and his loyalty and commitment. Even if you are married I think.
Geesh I'm falling asleep, not like nodding off a little bit, like keep falling asleep properly until my head sags as far as it will go left or right and I wake up with what feels like a few pencils being jabbed in my neck rofl I am going to have to sleep I think, that way I MIGHT be able to get up and do the rats after I have slept because surely I shall not sleep until gone 3.30pm :S though, knowing me...
Simon is swearing at his game :S naughty naughty Simon lol naughty boy that he is, he obviously died because he has stopped playing it since he said a naughty naughty F word (listen to me acting all innocent I have said that here in my blog before it's not as if I am new to the word lol.
I am going to have to go now as my eyes are tired and I'm getting double vision and it's giving me a headache trying to re-focus my eyes through all the laziness of them (yes I know I should be wearing my glasses then, but what good are glasses when my eyes are tired because I am falling asleep?)
good night fellow bloggiefolk
Simon has decided we're having the lizards in the terrarium upstairs and crabs in the vivarium downstairs lol as long as he deals with the feeding and everything I don't mind what he does, I'm having the lizards though, they will be my ickle babies :) I hope that they will be handleable, I've always wanted a pet lizard and with them being in the bedroom where we will be I'm sure I'll be able to see them lots and lots.
I'm really looking forward to the setting up stage though, watching Simon doing his usual and making a fantastic set up that looks natural and real, then adding the little mites heheh (Lizards not mites lol)
So, what's been going on... last night was boring as usual, I was way to tired to log on to msn and talk, I know Jane might be upset with me, I ended up doing that little blog but I just wasn't in the mood to sit and talk to ANYONE, I felt sad again and I didn't want to instill my sadness on anyone else.
I want my Mummy is what I keep thinking, I need to go and see her, without the children or anyone and just sit and give her a really big cuddle and tell her that I love her so much, explain to her that although I still have feelings of not being the best or very high up on her priorities right now, that I still feel that she loves me. I just need her to know how much I love her regardless of all that has been said and done.
It's not fair, if I could relive my life I would relive it in a snap, as long as I could end up with my children and being with Simon I would relive the rest of it and be such a good child for my parents and grow up without a single problem and they would love me more for never causing them a problem EVER they would respect me as much as I respect them.
I wish I was closer to my Dad really, I really do I wish that he thought I was his little princess and not Clare, she's been bad too, but she will always be closer to Dad no matter what, Dave is close to him and they'll talk about everything and anything too, it's just not fair. Dad still can't cope with me being poorly, he doesn't want to see me so fat either I think it upsets him because he knows I shouldn't be so fat. I am trying desperately to lose the weight though and get back down to a size that he will be OK with me for. Trying so hard I am. I wish I didn't have to eat ANYTHING, then I'd not be such a fat cow. Mooooooo moooooo mooooo.
I've just gone monged, I am not sure why, maybe it is the extra baclofen I took last night and the baclofen from this morning building up together I don't know, I know that baclofen is the only med I took differently, or maybe I am actually having a mong, which I still get now and again, hope not though as that will be me asleep and out for the day then. :S
Euan started as if he was going to have a major tantrum this morning but I managed to talk him out of it when I reminded him that he had his new "school trainers" to wear though, which was a relief, I thought we were going to have another episode of Euan being late because he has a screaming fit, Simon refusing to take him and so on, I hate those mornings I really do, I just cannot stand them, if Simon stayed calm it would be half as bad because he would be OK to take him as soon as Euan calmed down, but Simon just gets really angry with it and then it's all to pot. Two boys having a tantrum and sulking, one 6 coming on 7 one 28 coming on what? rofl bless him, I know why he hasn't got the same patience I have with him, because he's not his child.
I forgot to take my watch off last night and now it's left an imprint on my wrist which is quite sore so I'm having to wear it on the right wrist for a bit instead, not ideal but it will have to suffice.
Looks like Simon is about to listen to some music, or a youtube vid or something as he has put his headphones on. Ignorant bugger lol, I think I might do the same actually lol yup, am listening to my Enya play list, actually better turn it down a bit otherwise if the door knocks I won't be able to hear it , he's finished now *turns it back up again* *rolls eyes* for god sake now he's playing his game with his headphones on *takes headphones out and listens on laptop* *rolls eyes at Simon*
I am sitting like a buddah with my laptop on my "lap" rofl, I didn't really think much of the position until I saw a reflection of myself in Simon's spider tank, either I'm smaller in height than I thought I was or Simon's tank is huge because I can see all of me in the reflection short of about 3cm off the top of me head. I need the toilet but I really can't be bothered to go, I'll wait til I can wait no more and hope I'm not too late rofl *gets back from toilet* it caught me but I was there just in time lol *ewww gross*
I am thinking that as Bronny's class seems to have finished swimming that I had better buy some swimming trunks for Euan because he might be going swimming later on this term, it won't hurt for him to have some just incase anyway because Aunty Emma might take me up on the request to take the kiddies swimming and I will come and watch in the balconies (or wherever you watch from) heheh I would love for them to be able to have a casual swim instead of having to just swim where the school says when the school says. If it has finished (Bronny's swimming lesson) I'll be a bit peeved because she won't have learned ANYTHING in that short time of swimming from September to December, there is practically nothing she could have learned on a weekly lesson for only so many weeks, and I bet they're only in the water for about 30 minutes as well.
I can remember going to swimming lessons from McGregor Primary School, daft that is, I can't remember yesterday but I can remember back to when I was in infant school. I can remember going on the coach down to the swimming baths, walking to the baths, getting changed and then being in the water, I distinctly remember looking over the edge of the pool to see the teacher standing above us. Then I remember the fun of getting changed afterwards, racing to get changed so we could buy sweeties and/or crisps from the vending machine. I religiously had a packet of cola flavoured frosties at 10p, only on the odd occasion did I have a packet of polos, the frosties went down better though, nothing lasted rofl, tis like life really, nothing that one enjoys lasts very long, unless you have the joy of a fantastic person's company for the rest of your life, like I hopefully will with Simon (if he doesn't leave me), THAT lasts :D
I often sit and wonder if I'll get old with Simon, I would like to but unfortunately he keeps saying things that makes me heavily doubt that he wants to stay with me. Can't say I blame him really, BUT if he wants out he should say so instead of just letting it go on and giving me false hopes that we're going to be together forever. Now if he read this he'd accuse me of wanting out even though I've made it obvious that I definitely don't I'm just worried he does.
Girls who have anxiety and self conscious problems, don't bother finding a man, you'll spend the rest of your life wondering when he's going to leave you, yes you will enjoy the relationship and love the man very very dearly, but you will still have doubts of his fidelity and his loyalty and commitment. Even if you are married I think.
Geesh I'm falling asleep, not like nodding off a little bit, like keep falling asleep properly until my head sags as far as it will go left or right and I wake up with what feels like a few pencils being jabbed in my neck rofl I am going to have to sleep I think, that way I MIGHT be able to get up and do the rats after I have slept because surely I shall not sleep until gone 3.30pm :S though, knowing me...
Simon is swearing at his game :S naughty naughty Simon lol naughty boy that he is, he obviously died because he has stopped playing it since he said a naughty naughty F word (listen to me acting all innocent I have said that here in my blog before it's not as if I am new to the word lol.
I am going to have to go now as my eyes are tired and I'm getting double vision and it's giving me a headache trying to re-focus my eyes through all the laziness of them (yes I know I should be wearing my glasses then, but what good are glasses when my eyes are tired because I am falling asleep?)
good night fellow bloggiefolk
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1 comment:
hiiiiiiiii i miss you on msn :( come back soon :P lol you only gone one day not months rofl
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