Fat is me.
So hungry right now that I feel really sick, not going to eat, it's too late now, had my one meal today anyway.
Was talking to Charlene about eating and I told her the only thing stopping me from voiding my food is that I'm absolutely terrified, to the point of being phobic perhaps, of being sick. Vomitting scares me shitless, There, I said it again, this time with more umph behind the words. Obviously she told me off, and told me about 3 meals a day, but I really REALLY cannot see three meals a day being less fattening than eating just one meal a day :(
I would gladly cut all my flab off and flush it down the toilet, no would have to go in the bin, too much for the toilet unless I did it in bits, the only problem with that is that I might actually bleed to death (no shit Sherlock)
Oh, how can I be thin, I'm not talking 0 because my body is too big for 0 my bone structure and muscles and all that kinda crap won't let me go down to less than a 10. I just want to be a size 10-12 and keep my bust that enabled me to have to wear size 14 tops, that's all I want, please? I'm fed up of being this big, I know that I have friends that are bigger than me, but but... it's ME that is fat, I am fat for me you know? I wouldn't call them fat, not in a million years and wouldn't even think it either.
I look in the mirror and see me, yes I can see me, in a big fat suit like little Britain's Bubbles De Ville or vere whatever her name is, not that big, but the creases are all there, in the right places.
If it wasn't for the fact that I know that I was poorly before I was fat, I would blame my fat for making me poorly but I know it was my poorly that made me fat.
I've always been a lazy cow when it comes to keeping fit, the most I would do is go on mile walks with Simon, we'd be out for ages walking and enjoying the scenery. You'd never catch me going to the gym though, oh no, no, no not me. If I'd have known back then, (you know that hindsight thing) that I was going to be unable to exercise now, I would have made the most of being alive and well and would have taken in a lot more oxygen - whilst walking, jogging perhaps and generally keeping fit.
If I'd have known that I was going to end up this size, I wouldn't have "just another" one I would have not had one at all, I wouldn't have stocked up on sweet and yummy things, I would have just had a piece of fruit when hungry.
I can't change what was though, I have to change what is, cut right down on the calorie intake and make sure that I'm not eating anything above 1,000 calories, even that is too much for me. Then there's fats and carbs I have to ensure I'm not putting in my body because I won't burn them off.
Damn it I'm to tired right now. Will have to continue tomorrow.
So hungry right now that I feel really sick, not going to eat, it's too late now, had my one meal today anyway.
Was talking to Charlene about eating and I told her the only thing stopping me from voiding my food is that I'm absolutely terrified, to the point of being phobic perhaps, of being sick. Vomitting scares me shitless, There, I said it again, this time with more umph behind the words. Obviously she told me off, and told me about 3 meals a day, but I really REALLY cannot see three meals a day being less fattening than eating just one meal a day :(
I would gladly cut all my flab off and flush it down the toilet, no would have to go in the bin, too much for the toilet unless I did it in bits, the only problem with that is that I might actually bleed to death (no shit Sherlock)
Oh, how can I be thin, I'm not talking 0 because my body is too big for 0 my bone structure and muscles and all that kinda crap won't let me go down to less than a 10. I just want to be a size 10-12 and keep my bust that enabled me to have to wear size 14 tops, that's all I want, please? I'm fed up of being this big, I know that I have friends that are bigger than me, but but... it's ME that is fat, I am fat for me you know? I wouldn't call them fat, not in a million years and wouldn't even think it either.
I look in the mirror and see me, yes I can see me, in a big fat suit like little Britain's Bubbles De Ville or vere whatever her name is, not that big, but the creases are all there, in the right places.
If it wasn't for the fact that I know that I was poorly before I was fat, I would blame my fat for making me poorly but I know it was my poorly that made me fat.
I've always been a lazy cow when it comes to keeping fit, the most I would do is go on mile walks with Simon, we'd be out for ages walking and enjoying the scenery. You'd never catch me going to the gym though, oh no, no, no not me. If I'd have known back then, (you know that hindsight thing) that I was going to be unable to exercise now, I would have made the most of being alive and well and would have taken in a lot more oxygen - whilst walking, jogging perhaps and generally keeping fit.
If I'd have known that I was going to end up this size, I wouldn't have "just another" one I would have not had one at all, I wouldn't have stocked up on sweet and yummy things, I would have just had a piece of fruit when hungry.
I can't change what was though, I have to change what is, cut right down on the calorie intake and make sure that I'm not eating anything above 1,000 calories, even that is too much for me. Then there's fats and carbs I have to ensure I'm not putting in my body because I won't burn them off.
Damn it I'm to tired right now. Will have to continue tomorrow.
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