Hmmm, let's start with some positives!
I am alive, I didn't die in my sleep last night.
Simon is alive and didn't die in his sleep.
The children didn't die in their sleep.
Bronny was exceptionally well behaved today.
Euan didn't have a major tantrum today.
My computer didn't blow up today.
I could think of more but I think the joke has already worn exceptionally thin in deed, whether it was even funny in the first place is the question you've already asked.
I'm still in a world of pain with added spasms and palpitations. BUT I am OK Vikki seemed really down tonight, not sure whether it was just because Kezz wasn't there or whether it just didn't help.
I feel so utterly useless when my friends are hurting, I hurt a little bit for them but it doesn't help with the hopeless and out of it feelings I get, then I feel guilty because it wasn't my right to hurt because of them, I should only feel love and support feelings, then I'd feel a bit warmer. BUT still it's not all about me, my friend is still majorly hurting regardless of me or my feelings, I need to think of ways to stop her from hurting.
Carrying on with the guilt theme, I have been feeling incredibly guilty today that all I've done lately is tell them what a shit day I'm having, there is no doubt about it, my days are incredibly shit, but, people, my good faithful friends must dread asking me how I feel, they must dread the onslaught of my poorliness. so no, not any more, from now I'm fine. I want to keep my friends, they don't need to know the gruesome : "well actually, I've felt like I'vebeen walking around with a dislocated shoulder for a week, the pain in my neck, shoulders and surrounding areas is so breath-takingly intense, literally If I move slightly out of holding position. Euan held my wrist whilst he kissed my hand (he proposed awww) oh so delicately but the pain shot up my arm and into my shoulder as if I'd been electrocuted. I almosted haltered to check my heart was still going I was that convinced the jolt that went up my arm was real. Just a crease in my pj's in the wrong place throbs and screams at me like I just fell on it. That is the tip, of the tip of the iceberg.
Yet still, there is only so much more that my friends can take if, that is, they haven't already got to that place where they REALLY REALLY DON'T want to know but they are asking out of politeness.
I haven't decided yet, whether I'm going to actually stop blogging about my health.. I might create a whole new blog (pvt for no-one to see) dedicated to my health so that people don't have to read it here. That might be far better because that way I can continue to write in THIS blog as a diary type blog. Yup me do that. Will set up a new health blog at some point tomorrow. That way I can give full and detailed account for that day and when I finally get linked up with some specialists the night before I'm due to see them I can use the blog to help me give an account of what is happening between visits.
Anyway, going to have an early night tonight.
Good night.
I am alive, I didn't die in my sleep last night.
Simon is alive and didn't die in his sleep.
The children didn't die in their sleep.
Bronny was exceptionally well behaved today.
Euan didn't have a major tantrum today.
My computer didn't blow up today.
I could think of more but I think the joke has already worn exceptionally thin in deed, whether it was even funny in the first place is the question you've already asked.
I'm still in a world of pain with added spasms and palpitations. BUT I am OK Vikki seemed really down tonight, not sure whether it was just because Kezz wasn't there or whether it just didn't help.
I feel so utterly useless when my friends are hurting, I hurt a little bit for them but it doesn't help with the hopeless and out of it feelings I get, then I feel guilty because it wasn't my right to hurt because of them, I should only feel love and support feelings, then I'd feel a bit warmer. BUT still it's not all about me, my friend is still majorly hurting regardless of me or my feelings, I need to think of ways to stop her from hurting.
Carrying on with the guilt theme, I have been feeling incredibly guilty today that all I've done lately is tell them what a shit day I'm having, there is no doubt about it, my days are incredibly shit, but, people, my good faithful friends must dread asking me how I feel, they must dread the onslaught of my poorliness. so no, not any more, from now I'm fine. I want to keep my friends, they don't need to know the gruesome : "well actually, I've felt like I'vebeen walking around with a dislocated shoulder for a week, the pain in my neck, shoulders and surrounding areas is so breath-takingly intense, literally If I move slightly out of holding position. Euan held my wrist whilst he kissed my hand (he proposed awww) oh so delicately but the pain shot up my arm and into my shoulder as if I'd been electrocuted. I almosted haltered to check my heart was still going I was that convinced the jolt that went up my arm was real. Just a crease in my pj's in the wrong place throbs and screams at me like I just fell on it. That is the tip, of the tip of the iceberg.
Yet still, there is only so much more that my friends can take if, that is, they haven't already got to that place where they REALLY REALLY DON'T want to know but they are asking out of politeness.
I haven't decided yet, whether I'm going to actually stop blogging about my health.. I might create a whole new blog (pvt for no-one to see) dedicated to my health so that people don't have to read it here. That might be far better because that way I can continue to write in THIS blog as a diary type blog. Yup me do that. Will set up a new health blog at some point tomorrow. That way I can give full and detailed account for that day and when I finally get linked up with some specialists the night before I'm due to see them I can use the blog to help me give an account of what is happening between visits.
Anyway, going to have an early night tonight.
Good night.
Posts
3 comments:
I can't speak forever one, but I can speak for me, I care about you a lot and want to know how your feeling, even if its bad. I'm sorry I seemed so down last night, I was missing kezz, missing sleep and sore from cutting. If your on tonight I'll try being more cheerful. lubs you xxx
I care about you too Carol, but I understand that you need to focus on others hence why I've been away.
Clare xx
Hun, if I didnt really want to know how you are then I wouldnt ask. Friends are there for the good and the bad and I would rather you tell me how you are feeling than keep it all to yourself.
You know where I am if you need me. HUGE HUGS xxxxxxxxxxxxx
Post a Comment