waffle waffle

Define ugly? I know that I am ugly because well, who can look like they have been hit by the back end of a bus without being defined as ugly? lol reasoning behind this? (not that I always have to have a reason) is that one of my friends said something about them being ugly yet they are one of the prettiest friends that I have. It's always the same though, all my pretty friends say they are ugly, they see themselves as being ugly, but they really are not ugly bugs, now there are some right ugly buggers out there, yet there are some truly beautiful people out there, those that don't flaunt it are beautiful, the ones that are naturally beautiful and didn't have plastic surgery and didn't have liposuction or a fake tan or hair dye, they even have qualms about themselves, they are truly beautiful, however those that have fake beauty or the highschool teenage brats style people, they are just ugly, yes they have pretty faces and brill figures but they know it and flaunting it and boasting about it and being vain about it defines them as being ugly.

I don't understand Simon's brother and his girlfriend, they just do not like me at all, they are civil with me when we are at Simon's parents' house but as soon as we're out of there they ignore me, he has blocked me on msn and his girlfriend, although she re-added me... doesn't talk to me, I have talked to her a load of times and she just does not respond back, it's a horrible feeling not being liked by someone who is in Simon's family. I guess I'm not going to be liked by everyone.

I wish I had a magic wand so that I could fix all my friends' problems, everyone has them and I feel so useless not being able to help them in life and help them get over things, I'm just nothing really, just someone to talk to occasionally, no-one would recall my name in a list of top 5 friends for instance, not even top 20 probably if they're really popular. It makes me feel so useless and feel like shit.

I don't think I have a single friend that I am REALLY REALLY close to that I could talk about ANYTHING and EVERYTHING with, no-one has opened themselves up to me that much so I don't feel I could trust them with that much about me.

I have now upset my bestest best best best friend I think :( yes, I guess telling her what I did WOULD upset her, but she needs to know what I think is wrong and that I think she needs to sort it out.. but it's not for me to say, I can only advise and then shut up and go away.

I feel down now, so lonely, so down, I think I am going to read my reading that my mate did for me on tarot cards in a minute, not sure whether it will cheer me up or just make me feel worse. *back after reading*
it made me feel better and has kicked me up the arse into wanting to get an answer so getting off my butt and pestering the neurology team and then the rheumatology team to see how we go with this.

My symptoms have changed significantly since I was last seen by Rheumatology AND Neurology so now it is time to update them with my findings so that I can get somewhere with them.

I have relaxation session as part of my pain management scheme on Friday which I am looking forward to indeed, hopefully she will be able to give me further ideas to those I already know in relaxing.

Simon is trying to stay up until midnight to get his license for Windows 7, for which he's only going to buy one copy for as it's £50... I think that there were more important things to spend the money on than a piece of software but that's up to him, I was going to say it's his money but it's NOT.. I wish sometimes he would remember that my part of the income support is included in his payment it's not just all his damn money. *shuts up* won't go down that road.

Well, another short waffle but I need to give up and go to bed now, my tablets have kicked in and I don't want to fight past them and end up awake all night feeling like shit, so I am off.

Night night.

Huggles

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