It's been a long time since I blogged standard waffle that I've not copied from somewhere else.
Am talking to my dearest Sister and my Mum (yes my MUM!!) on Facebook chat at the moment, it's easier than trying to get Mum sorted with WLM which it appears she has still not managed to get. *rolls eyes* well, 9pm that's the heating just gone off.
Kids have played outside in the snow today bless them, they've had a fantastic time until Euan got a little too naughty and smashed the head of Bronny's snowman causing her to cry as if she was really hurt (I thought she was!) and then they were shouting and screaming at each other so I had to bring them in.
We went to the Hollybush prior to this to get them both a pair of welligogs, £9.99 a pair with an extra £4.99 for Bronny's welly socks because hers are slightly too big *rolls eyes again* That is much more expensive than if we had gone to Asda or something and got their cheap wellies in red or blue. Tesco didn't have any and it looked like they were not planning on stocking any as there was no space for them. Hollybush had almost sold out they only had a few sizes left. Euan managed to find his size but Bronny had to have a size bigger, hence the welly socks.
Simon was in a right arse today, he didn't want me to get the wellies, he didn't want me to get the welly socks, he didn't want the children to play out in the snow "because of wrecking the lawn" *sigh* and he's been horrible to the children AND me all day. Just because he's poorly it doesn't give him the excuse to be a miserable barsteward. *sigh* MEN! *sigh again*
I'm sitting here in a t-shirt and my "yoga top" (long sleeve top with zip up, slightly thicker than t-shirt material- Sainsburys called it a yoga top) and with my bottom half snuggled in bed (with socks on) and I am still bloody freezing. Bottom half of my body is fine as the heat from the laptop is keeping me warm, but the top half is bloody freezing, I keep shivering and when I shiver I get even colder, the tops of my hands are cold, palms are being warmed by lappy. I have a puddy tat asleep at my feet, he's totally gone bless him, usually he sleeps alert but now and again he sleep sleeps and you could say anything and he'd not twitch.
I feel the need to go to bed now, but I am trying to stay up until a reasonable time because I spend most of my days in bed and I hate it, I don't WANT to sleep, Simon has said I'm in a viscious cycle with my sleep but I'm not.. if I don't sleep I'm not well, I have tried to sleep less but when I sleep less I only end up needing another sleep later on. It's like today, admittedly it was nigh on midnight when I switched the laptop off last night through talking to Kezz, When I found out that the children were not at school I stayed in bed til 11am, but even that was not enough I had to have a nap this afternoon, that might have been because we went out though if we had not gone out perhaps I'd have not needed the nap. I know i spend less time awake than I do asleep but it's honestly not my fault, I try to stay awake but I just get ill.
I am worried about a friend at the moment, she self harms and is in a complete mess at the moment, I think she is highly concerned that they are going to "lock her away" I hope on all hopes that they don't, she just needs more help, that's what she needs, one on one help, not stupid group therapy, that doesn't work, she needs one one one help with a psychologist or a psychiatrist (I never do know the difference) I think it's a psychologist because psychiatrists work with "nutters" don't they? Yes, they do, so it must be a psychologist.
I still waiting to be referred to see Pain Management, probably only to have them turn around and tell me that there is fuck all wrong with me and that I should just put up with the pain. I so wanted to be given a diagnosis of Fibro but he didn't because he said he didn't agree with some of the symptoms, I am going to write to him and state that 99% of my symptoms are fibro but there are some extra ones that might be side effects of the meds and can he PLEASE give a confirmed diagnosis because I am fed up of being stuck in limbo not knowing what is going on.
Simon's snake has not been very active of late I think that it might actually be because of the hemp that he has put in because it is treated with citronella and Simon has read somewhere that citronella can be a snake repellent as well as insects. I think that he should try and remove the hemp and find another source of bedding for the snake, until he can find Aspen then he needs to just leave it empty. I could buy auboise for him but I don't know where we would put a big bale of auboise, it's difficult enough to keep the hemp in one place.
Simon needs a container for his super worms as they are dying but I do not have a container big enough for them that I can spare. Oooh, hold on, I might have one actually, if the rat food box is big enough I can put the rat food in something smaller which would make it easier for me probably as the rat food box is heavy when full.
At the moment I am using a 5-4-1-1 ratio for my ratties but I do not know if I am doing right. I think I am but I don't know how to change it as the ratties get older either, I have tried to read Alison's book but I keep getting lost because I cannot take in and understand what I am reading anymore, anything more than one paragraph and I am totally buggered, I would have to read it over and over and over again (reminds me of that song lol)
My face must be extra greasy at the moment as it is only days that the tape is lasting instead of a week, that sounds like I don't wash my face but I wash around the tape heheh.
Well I've been granted podiatry care which has really pleased me, it means hopefully that I will no longer have any ingrowing toe nails and they might just get to the stage where they look nice enough to put a layer of nail polish on them woot :)
Bronny regularly paints her toe nails and finger nails now, bless her, if she had some proper makeup I think she'd always be wearing that too, I just need to teach her how to put it on because when she has done it with her kiddy makeup she's made herself look like a clown. She has been copying pictures from a makeup book that belonged to Clare though (my sister) so the styles are based on 80's fashions! Nothing you'd dare to wear now unless you were going to a halloween party or something.
I think I might get her some simple makeup for her birthday, like eye shadows and a blusher and some lippy, that we she can make herself up (when I've taught her how) and look pretty instead of pretty awful lol I can't believe she is growing up so quick, I wasn't interested in makeup until I got to secondary school! I just hope that she is sensible when she is old enough to have boyfriends properly and doesn't go and get herself in trouble if you know what I mean.
Got my smear result back today, the doctors phoned me and asked me if I had any symptoms of thrush and I said no, apparently the smear showed that I had thrush. Sometimes it can come and go symptomless so hopefully it's that and I'm not going to get the symptoms any time soon.
I remember having thrush on the way to France one year and "he" wouldn't stop to get me the cream so I had to deal with sitting on it for hours upon hours at least 10 without having treatment for it! It eventually went on it's own thank god but it was a horrible experience to drive to the South of France with an itchy Fairy! rofl rofl
EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
*shuts up with the disgusting stuff*
I can't believe I shared that, some things are best left unsaid me thinks, no? Might delete it yet I haven't decided. It's only natural though it's just something we all go through. Us women that is, I used to get it when I was on antibiotics for something else.
Sorry, you know I'm always open and honest on here :P
I still have to choose and book an appointment for Euan to see CAMS and I need to get him in to see Dr Gupta about his arm he was supposed to go last week but I forgot. He finished his antibiotics though but he won't let me keep putting the antibiotic cream on it :( I guess it doesn't need it anymore as it looks like it's mostly gone but I am worried that it will come back again, the skin is looking very abrased and almost burned around it at the moment, it's not just dry it's nasty.
I can't remember whether I have asked for my Pain Management referral or not, I can't even remmeber if I have already mentioned it on here lol
Simon's super worms are making loads of noise and keep making me think that the snake is escaping, I'm scared of that snake lol she's OK in her container and I'd probably be OK holding her, it's just the thought of her being out and not knowing where she is or waking up and finding her on my face or something scary like that :S
I have turned the brightness down on my screen because Simon is trying to sleep and it is making me struggle to read what I am typing so if I make mistakes, blame Simon lol only joking, it is pretty dull and pasty though.
That just reminded me of the Cornish Pasties we used to buy from the bakers on the way home from town at Aunty Carol's in Cornwall, Nan and I would walk up from town and go to the bakery and bring some yummy pasties home for us to eat for lunch, or we'd sit in the park and eat them before we got back to Aunty Carol's. I used to love going there with her, it was my favourite ever holiday, I'd do anything to have Nan back for another holiday with Aunty Carol, I'd do anything to have Nan back full stop.
It's amazing how many things end up making me remember and miss her, I don't have to realise how much I miss her because I know every day that I miss her. She was a Mum to me, nothing against my own Mum but I just couldn't talk to her I adopted Nan as my Mum instead. She was priceless was my Nan, proper priceless.
I love Gramps to bits too, don't get me wrong, but lately there just seems to be something that has upset him about me because he doesn't phone me to see how I am anymore, he used to phone me regularly and we'd have a fantastic chat, but now he's not interested, it's not fair I used to love our chats, he knows he can talk about anything with me and I'll not mind heheh. I'm going to phone him tomorrow actually and ask him to be honest with me and tell me what's up because I don't like the tension that I feel is there, I feel there is something wrong and he knows that I am good like that and can feel and sense things that others cannot. It makes me paranoid because sometimes I confuse the feelings I receive and end up feeling rather negative towards someone or something because I feel the negativity towards me, but it's not always aimed at me but I just read it.
Anyway.
Oooh it's Scott's birthday tomorrow heheh (my cousin) he's 30! I can remember him as a little un, I know he's not that much younger than me, but I still remember us all playing in their back garfen, making mud pies and so on, and going to the fair when the carnival was on. heheh
I miss family, I never get to see any of them any more, Simon finds it difficult to interact with people so he wouldn't want to meet the nutter side (Mum's family lol) and Dad's side is all the way down in Cornwall. I'd love to go visit Aunty Carol again but I fear that we'd not have anywhere to stay because she is too poorly for houseguests I think. We'd not be able to afford a hotel so I guess that's a no too.
I'd love to go across and see Clare in her big house but I know that's not possible because Simon wouldn't go and I don't think you're allowed on an aeroplane with oxygen to be honest. Would have to query that, not that I could afford to fly, and if we went without transport we'd be stuck at the house because there is too many of us to fit in Clare's car :( booger.
To be honest I think that we'd have to get a lot closer again before any visiting could take place, even at Mum's at christmas the air was tense as if we were stuck for things to say and not one word was uttered to Simon by ANYONE so he's already said that he's not going again, ever :(
I guess I could invite them here but I'd not be able to cook a Christmas/Boxing Day dinner so that is out of the question. I think I'm going to end up losing my family to be honest, Simon is not anti them in particular but he's anti-people in real life so everyone I try to meet and converse with we end up with Simon feeling very uncomfortable and wanting to go home :( I just wish that he was more outgoing, it's OK being shy but not uttering a single word ALL day to anyone is a bit to the extreme. I love him immensely but I just wish he would make the effort to talk to people now and again, damnit he doesn't even talk to me so how can I expect him to talk to my family.
Oooh I just found a small piece of apple in my mouth, I scoffed that at least an hour ago rofl
I think it's time to sign out now, I've waffled for far too long.
Ni ni blog readers. Lubs you lots. :)
xx
Am talking to my dearest Sister and my Mum (yes my MUM!!) on Facebook chat at the moment, it's easier than trying to get Mum sorted with WLM which it appears she has still not managed to get. *rolls eyes* well, 9pm that's the heating just gone off.
Kids have played outside in the snow today bless them, they've had a fantastic time until Euan got a little too naughty and smashed the head of Bronny's snowman causing her to cry as if she was really hurt (I thought she was!) and then they were shouting and screaming at each other so I had to bring them in.
We went to the Hollybush prior to this to get them both a pair of welligogs, £9.99 a pair with an extra £4.99 for Bronny's welly socks because hers are slightly too big *rolls eyes again* That is much more expensive than if we had gone to Asda or something and got their cheap wellies in red or blue. Tesco didn't have any and it looked like they were not planning on stocking any as there was no space for them. Hollybush had almost sold out they only had a few sizes left. Euan managed to find his size but Bronny had to have a size bigger, hence the welly socks.
Simon was in a right arse today, he didn't want me to get the wellies, he didn't want me to get the welly socks, he didn't want the children to play out in the snow "because of wrecking the lawn" *sigh* and he's been horrible to the children AND me all day. Just because he's poorly it doesn't give him the excuse to be a miserable barsteward. *sigh* MEN! *sigh again*
I'm sitting here in a t-shirt and my "yoga top" (long sleeve top with zip up, slightly thicker than t-shirt material- Sainsburys called it a yoga top) and with my bottom half snuggled in bed (with socks on) and I am still bloody freezing. Bottom half of my body is fine as the heat from the laptop is keeping me warm, but the top half is bloody freezing, I keep shivering and when I shiver I get even colder, the tops of my hands are cold, palms are being warmed by lappy. I have a puddy tat asleep at my feet, he's totally gone bless him, usually he sleeps alert but now and again he sleep sleeps and you could say anything and he'd not twitch.
I feel the need to go to bed now, but I am trying to stay up until a reasonable time because I spend most of my days in bed and I hate it, I don't WANT to sleep, Simon has said I'm in a viscious cycle with my sleep but I'm not.. if I don't sleep I'm not well, I have tried to sleep less but when I sleep less I only end up needing another sleep later on. It's like today, admittedly it was nigh on midnight when I switched the laptop off last night through talking to Kezz, When I found out that the children were not at school I stayed in bed til 11am, but even that was not enough I had to have a nap this afternoon, that might have been because we went out though if we had not gone out perhaps I'd have not needed the nap. I know i spend less time awake than I do asleep but it's honestly not my fault, I try to stay awake but I just get ill.
I am worried about a friend at the moment, she self harms and is in a complete mess at the moment, I think she is highly concerned that they are going to "lock her away" I hope on all hopes that they don't, she just needs more help, that's what she needs, one on one help, not stupid group therapy, that doesn't work, she needs one one one help with a psychologist or a psychiatrist (I never do know the difference) I think it's a psychologist because psychiatrists work with "nutters" don't they? Yes, they do, so it must be a psychologist.
I still waiting to be referred to see Pain Management, probably only to have them turn around and tell me that there is fuck all wrong with me and that I should just put up with the pain. I so wanted to be given a diagnosis of Fibro but he didn't because he said he didn't agree with some of the symptoms, I am going to write to him and state that 99% of my symptoms are fibro but there are some extra ones that might be side effects of the meds and can he PLEASE give a confirmed diagnosis because I am fed up of being stuck in limbo not knowing what is going on.
Simon's snake has not been very active of late I think that it might actually be because of the hemp that he has put in because it is treated with citronella and Simon has read somewhere that citronella can be a snake repellent as well as insects. I think that he should try and remove the hemp and find another source of bedding for the snake, until he can find Aspen then he needs to just leave it empty. I could buy auboise for him but I don't know where we would put a big bale of auboise, it's difficult enough to keep the hemp in one place.
Simon needs a container for his super worms as they are dying but I do not have a container big enough for them that I can spare. Oooh, hold on, I might have one actually, if the rat food box is big enough I can put the rat food in something smaller which would make it easier for me probably as the rat food box is heavy when full.
At the moment I am using a 5-4-1-1 ratio for my ratties but I do not know if I am doing right. I think I am but I don't know how to change it as the ratties get older either, I have tried to read Alison's book but I keep getting lost because I cannot take in and understand what I am reading anymore, anything more than one paragraph and I am totally buggered, I would have to read it over and over and over again (reminds me of that song lol)
My face must be extra greasy at the moment as it is only days that the tape is lasting instead of a week, that sounds like I don't wash my face but I wash around the tape heheh.
Well I've been granted podiatry care which has really pleased me, it means hopefully that I will no longer have any ingrowing toe nails and they might just get to the stage where they look nice enough to put a layer of nail polish on them woot :)
Bronny regularly paints her toe nails and finger nails now, bless her, if she had some proper makeup I think she'd always be wearing that too, I just need to teach her how to put it on because when she has done it with her kiddy makeup she's made herself look like a clown. She has been copying pictures from a makeup book that belonged to Clare though (my sister) so the styles are based on 80's fashions! Nothing you'd dare to wear now unless you were going to a halloween party or something.
I think I might get her some simple makeup for her birthday, like eye shadows and a blusher and some lippy, that we she can make herself up (when I've taught her how) and look pretty instead of pretty awful lol I can't believe she is growing up so quick, I wasn't interested in makeup until I got to secondary school! I just hope that she is sensible when she is old enough to have boyfriends properly and doesn't go and get herself in trouble if you know what I mean.
Got my smear result back today, the doctors phoned me and asked me if I had any symptoms of thrush and I said no, apparently the smear showed that I had thrush. Sometimes it can come and go symptomless so hopefully it's that and I'm not going to get the symptoms any time soon.
I remember having thrush on the way to France one year and "he" wouldn't stop to get me the cream so I had to deal with sitting on it for hours upon hours at least 10 without having treatment for it! It eventually went on it's own thank god but it was a horrible experience to drive to the South of France with an itchy Fairy! rofl rofl
EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
*shuts up with the disgusting stuff*
I can't believe I shared that, some things are best left unsaid me thinks, no? Might delete it yet I haven't decided. It's only natural though it's just something we all go through. Us women that is, I used to get it when I was on antibiotics for something else.
Sorry, you know I'm always open and honest on here :P
I still have to choose and book an appointment for Euan to see CAMS and I need to get him in to see Dr Gupta about his arm he was supposed to go last week but I forgot. He finished his antibiotics though but he won't let me keep putting the antibiotic cream on it :( I guess it doesn't need it anymore as it looks like it's mostly gone but I am worried that it will come back again, the skin is looking very abrased and almost burned around it at the moment, it's not just dry it's nasty.
I can't remember whether I have asked for my Pain Management referral or not, I can't even remmeber if I have already mentioned it on here lol
Simon's super worms are making loads of noise and keep making me think that the snake is escaping, I'm scared of that snake lol she's OK in her container and I'd probably be OK holding her, it's just the thought of her being out and not knowing where she is or waking up and finding her on my face or something scary like that :S
I have turned the brightness down on my screen because Simon is trying to sleep and it is making me struggle to read what I am typing so if I make mistakes, blame Simon lol only joking, it is pretty dull and pasty though.
That just reminded me of the Cornish Pasties we used to buy from the bakers on the way home from town at Aunty Carol's in Cornwall, Nan and I would walk up from town and go to the bakery and bring some yummy pasties home for us to eat for lunch, or we'd sit in the park and eat them before we got back to Aunty Carol's. I used to love going there with her, it was my favourite ever holiday, I'd do anything to have Nan back for another holiday with Aunty Carol, I'd do anything to have Nan back full stop.
It's amazing how many things end up making me remember and miss her, I don't have to realise how much I miss her because I know every day that I miss her. She was a Mum to me, nothing against my own Mum but I just couldn't talk to her I adopted Nan as my Mum instead. She was priceless was my Nan, proper priceless.
I love Gramps to bits too, don't get me wrong, but lately there just seems to be something that has upset him about me because he doesn't phone me to see how I am anymore, he used to phone me regularly and we'd have a fantastic chat, but now he's not interested, it's not fair I used to love our chats, he knows he can talk about anything with me and I'll not mind heheh. I'm going to phone him tomorrow actually and ask him to be honest with me and tell me what's up because I don't like the tension that I feel is there, I feel there is something wrong and he knows that I am good like that and can feel and sense things that others cannot. It makes me paranoid because sometimes I confuse the feelings I receive and end up feeling rather negative towards someone or something because I feel the negativity towards me, but it's not always aimed at me but I just read it.
Anyway.
Oooh it's Scott's birthday tomorrow heheh (my cousin) he's 30! I can remember him as a little un, I know he's not that much younger than me, but I still remember us all playing in their back garfen, making mud pies and so on, and going to the fair when the carnival was on. heheh
I miss family, I never get to see any of them any more, Simon finds it difficult to interact with people so he wouldn't want to meet the nutter side (Mum's family lol) and Dad's side is all the way down in Cornwall. I'd love to go visit Aunty Carol again but I fear that we'd not have anywhere to stay because she is too poorly for houseguests I think. We'd not be able to afford a hotel so I guess that's a no too.
I'd love to go across and see Clare in her big house but I know that's not possible because Simon wouldn't go and I don't think you're allowed on an aeroplane with oxygen to be honest. Would have to query that, not that I could afford to fly, and if we went without transport we'd be stuck at the house because there is too many of us to fit in Clare's car :( booger.
To be honest I think that we'd have to get a lot closer again before any visiting could take place, even at Mum's at christmas the air was tense as if we were stuck for things to say and not one word was uttered to Simon by ANYONE so he's already said that he's not going again, ever :(
I guess I could invite them here but I'd not be able to cook a Christmas/Boxing Day dinner so that is out of the question. I think I'm going to end up losing my family to be honest, Simon is not anti them in particular but he's anti-people in real life so everyone I try to meet and converse with we end up with Simon feeling very uncomfortable and wanting to go home :( I just wish that he was more outgoing, it's OK being shy but not uttering a single word ALL day to anyone is a bit to the extreme. I love him immensely but I just wish he would make the effort to talk to people now and again, damnit he doesn't even talk to me so how can I expect him to talk to my family.
Oooh I just found a small piece of apple in my mouth, I scoffed that at least an hour ago rofl
I think it's time to sign out now, I've waffled for far too long.
Ni ni blog readers. Lubs you lots. :)
xx
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