Hello fellow blog reader(s) (only one person has confirmed they still read the blog)
I haven't got much to write today, or at least that's how it's going to start out.
What my brother said is still bugging me, he is such a bastard and thinks the whole world revolves around him. Well this time round he's in the wrong, there is no reason for him to disown me and treat me like shit yet he still does. That's up to him though, I would like to think that some time in the future he will need me to do something for him, then I have the option of telling HIM to F off and get a life like he told me to for no reason.
If he makes comments about people on benefits I am BOUND to have a go at him, I am sick of him and his "I work so you don't have to" attitude, if only he knew the half of it, if only he suffered the half of it. Just because Mum's Doc Killeen has said that you can get better from Fibromyalgia etc they stopped giving a shite about me being poorly, well screw them, if they want to believe that I'm faking it, it's up to them, they are not being affected by my poorly so why the fuck would they care anyway. Yeah I really enjoy sitting and moaning about what a crap life I lead and about how much pain I am in and so on, I do it because I want to, yeah OK WHATEVER.
That's the trouble with invisible illnesses, they just don't believe you because they cannot SEE or FEEL what you are going through, I don't care anymore though if they want to be disillusioned by a doc who doesn't know what he is talking about then that, is up to them. Just because he "knew" someone who had it and they got better after 2 years it does not mean that everyone who has it got better after two years. Some people are bed bound they have it so bad, as if they are faking it ffs.
I'm angry, I'm sick to death of having to try and prove myself. I have decided not to talk to them about it anymore, if Mum asks about me I'll say "what's the point in telling you as you won't believe me anyway" I'm sick of it, I'm not getting the support of my own family it's just so not fair, they wanna believe a stupid doctor who know's nothing about it then that's their hard cheese.
It's not been confirmed that I have it yet anyway as the Rheumatologist thinks I have too many symptoms to have just Fibro, so basically he's refusing to diagnose me as having fibro. I just cannot believe it, when it comes to reviewing my files in however long I have until they want to know how I am, I have to fill in a bundle of paperwork all over again because I cannot just say "This is what I have so this is why I cannot work, or walk" :( *sobs*
I know I'm not the only one in this boat, but it is annoying and upsetting at the same time, they just do not understand, they cannot begin to understand what I go through on a daily basis! How dare they make assumptions, in my head? The pain is pretty damn fucking real to me! Even if it is in my head it's still serious because how the fuck did it get there and how the fuck am I supposed to get it out? Lobotomy? *rolls eyes*
I wish I had the guts to publish this in my facebook notes so that they can read it and see what I'm going through every day, they still wouldn't understand though, they'd still decide that until I have a proper diagnosis I'm faking or exaggerating it and there is nothing wrong etc etc.
I didn't CHOOSE to be like this, I didn't turn round and think, screw life I wanna be stuck in the house, I want to be wheelchair bound outside, I want to not be able to play footie in the park with my children, I want to not be able to swim with my children and have fun, I want my children to have a depreciated life because we can't go and do this, that and the other. Yeahright, I forgot apparently I did choose this life.
How dare he discuss my health with my Mum and make presumptions anyway, I am not his patient and even if I was it would be illegal for him to discuss me without my consent to my Mother, he reckons that at some point I did need oxygen but now I am just dependant on it and addicted and my body THINKS it needs it. Yeah OK, try saying that to me when I'm almost falling BACK down the stairs because half way up I don't have the puff to get the rest of the way up. Try saying that to me when I'm struggling to breathe throughout the night in bed and I wake up not breathing at all and have to gasp for air as if I was drowning...
I feel like telling Mum to warn him to shut up or I'll sue him for breech of privacy or whatever it is that he is doing, yes so OK I'm not his patient, but it gives him no right to discuss me and diss me the way he does, he's not even seen me since I have been in this state, how dare he make these assumptions. Mum shouldn't be discussing me the way she does anyway, how dare she try and consult me in my absence!
*calms down*
*changes subject*
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Simon bought me a valentine's card and present bless him he said that he thought I would be pissed with him if he didn't bother lol he's romantic really that's why he did it, not because of what he said, he probably noticed all the cards when he went in the other day and decided to get me a little something as a surprise, it was definitely a surprise, I wasn't expecting ANYTHING heheh. He bought me "Horton hears a Who" which was brilliant, we watched it as a family today :D
Just phoned my mum, she phoned twice today whilst I was in bed and obviously I didn't get up to answer the phone and Simon didn't answer it so we just left it ringing. She was just phoning to see how we all are, we actually spoke for quite some time tonight and about things that I wouldn't normally talk to her about, she told me what she's up to in the week, boasted about Clare's trip to Disneyland Paris and then actually asked how I was and LISTENED instead of changing the subject. Perhaps Dave told her that he'd upset me or something, or Caroline might have said, NAH they wouldn't give a shite.
Anyway, now I've rambled a lot I am off to bed now so good night my fellow bloggy friends, I hope that you still get entertainment of sorts from my bloggies and will see you all real soon :)
xx
I haven't got much to write today, or at least that's how it's going to start out.
What my brother said is still bugging me, he is such a bastard and thinks the whole world revolves around him. Well this time round he's in the wrong, there is no reason for him to disown me and treat me like shit yet he still does. That's up to him though, I would like to think that some time in the future he will need me to do something for him, then I have the option of telling HIM to F off and get a life like he told me to for no reason.
If he makes comments about people on benefits I am BOUND to have a go at him, I am sick of him and his "I work so you don't have to" attitude, if only he knew the half of it, if only he suffered the half of it. Just because Mum's Doc Killeen has said that you can get better from Fibromyalgia etc they stopped giving a shite about me being poorly, well screw them, if they want to believe that I'm faking it, it's up to them, they are not being affected by my poorly so why the fuck would they care anyway. Yeah I really enjoy sitting and moaning about what a crap life I lead and about how much pain I am in and so on, I do it because I want to, yeah OK WHATEVER.
That's the trouble with invisible illnesses, they just don't believe you because they cannot SEE or FEEL what you are going through, I don't care anymore though if they want to be disillusioned by a doc who doesn't know what he is talking about then that, is up to them. Just because he "knew" someone who had it and they got better after 2 years it does not mean that everyone who has it got better after two years. Some people are bed bound they have it so bad, as if they are faking it ffs.
I'm angry, I'm sick to death of having to try and prove myself. I have decided not to talk to them about it anymore, if Mum asks about me I'll say "what's the point in telling you as you won't believe me anyway" I'm sick of it, I'm not getting the support of my own family it's just so not fair, they wanna believe a stupid doctor who know's nothing about it then that's their hard cheese.
It's not been confirmed that I have it yet anyway as the Rheumatologist thinks I have too many symptoms to have just Fibro, so basically he's refusing to diagnose me as having fibro. I just cannot believe it, when it comes to reviewing my files in however long I have until they want to know how I am, I have to fill in a bundle of paperwork all over again because I cannot just say "This is what I have so this is why I cannot work, or walk" :( *sobs*
I know I'm not the only one in this boat, but it is annoying and upsetting at the same time, they just do not understand, they cannot begin to understand what I go through on a daily basis! How dare they make assumptions, in my head? The pain is pretty damn fucking real to me! Even if it is in my head it's still serious because how the fuck did it get there and how the fuck am I supposed to get it out? Lobotomy? *rolls eyes*
I wish I had the guts to publish this in my facebook notes so that they can read it and see what I'm going through every day, they still wouldn't understand though, they'd still decide that until I have a proper diagnosis I'm faking or exaggerating it and there is nothing wrong etc etc.
I didn't CHOOSE to be like this, I didn't turn round and think, screw life I wanna be stuck in the house, I want to be wheelchair bound outside, I want to not be able to play footie in the park with my children, I want to not be able to swim with my children and have fun, I want my children to have a depreciated life because we can't go and do this, that and the other. Yeahright, I forgot apparently I did choose this life.
How dare he discuss my health with my Mum and make presumptions anyway, I am not his patient and even if I was it would be illegal for him to discuss me without my consent to my Mother, he reckons that at some point I did need oxygen but now I am just dependant on it and addicted and my body THINKS it needs it. Yeah OK, try saying that to me when I'm almost falling BACK down the stairs because half way up I don't have the puff to get the rest of the way up. Try saying that to me when I'm struggling to breathe throughout the night in bed and I wake up not breathing at all and have to gasp for air as if I was drowning...
I feel like telling Mum to warn him to shut up or I'll sue him for breech of privacy or whatever it is that he is doing, yes so OK I'm not his patient, but it gives him no right to discuss me and diss me the way he does, he's not even seen me since I have been in this state, how dare he make these assumptions. Mum shouldn't be discussing me the way she does anyway, how dare she try and consult me in my absence!
*calms down*
*changes subject*
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Simon bought me a valentine's card and present bless him he said that he thought I would be pissed with him if he didn't bother lol he's romantic really that's why he did it, not because of what he said, he probably noticed all the cards when he went in the other day and decided to get me a little something as a surprise, it was definitely a surprise, I wasn't expecting ANYTHING heheh. He bought me "Horton hears a Who" which was brilliant, we watched it as a family today :D
Just phoned my mum, she phoned twice today whilst I was in bed and obviously I didn't get up to answer the phone and Simon didn't answer it so we just left it ringing. She was just phoning to see how we all are, we actually spoke for quite some time tonight and about things that I wouldn't normally talk to her about, she told me what she's up to in the week, boasted about Clare's trip to Disneyland Paris and then actually asked how I was and LISTENED instead of changing the subject. Perhaps Dave told her that he'd upset me or something, or Caroline might have said, NAH they wouldn't give a shite.
Anyway, now I've rambled a lot I am off to bed now so good night my fellow bloggy friends, I hope that you still get entertainment of sorts from my bloggies and will see you all real soon :)
xx
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