Ramble of today 04.11.08

Well, I emailed Lovell's and enquired about when my order was going to be processed and I got a very short and sweet "order is wih DHL they take up to 48 hours to deliver, Thanks Kris Lovell" no explanation of why it has taken 10 days up til today and no apology either. I wouldn't use them again but their prices are so good and they stock hemp at £7.65 for the huge bale that lasts months. :S

I just need to get some more pasta and more cereal in to make up the mix. I'm thinking of moving the hamsters onto the shunamite mix as they have gone off their hamster food *rolls eyes* they're eating hardly any of it at the moment, it really worries me when they leave it, but I don't know what to offer them instead, will have to talk to Jane about them tomorrow, hopefully Jane will read this tomorrow and will remind me that I need to talk with her about it.

I'm going to be looking forward to the post over the next few days because I have allsorts that should be arriving, my houses from KPK, another DS game and the present for my Secret Santa partner should be arriving.

woot I'm so excited I want to send the gift now! lol, I'm going to wrap the gift put it in a box and then wrap the box too lol I probably shouldn't have said anything but hey they can't read this anyway :) Not going to say what I've got the person anyway as Janeypoo will tell me off lol.

I wonder which poor soul has me? poor soul that they are they should just send me an empty matchbox, I wants a matchbox I does. I used to love little boxes as a kid, I'd make them into beds either for toys or for my imaginary friends which were tiny little people who stood no bigger than my little finger. heheh

I loved most things about being a kid, some days me, Clare and Dave would all play together, other days it'd be just me and Clare, or just me and Dave, other days, most days I'd be on my own, playing my own games which was better most of the time anyway. whenever we'd fight it'd be me in the middle or on my own against them two, was never on anyone's side, always on my own, then it got more often, I was the fat kid, the smelly kid, the adopted kid. I wasn't adopted but they bullied me with that right up until I left home, and still they'd joke about it after and did every time I saw them I was either fat or adopted or both. It hurt, it stung as the tears welled in my eyes that I promised I would never shed, the lump in my throat as I held back the hurt felt so much like a rock that was stuck, right there in the back of my mouth.

Every time I left that house I vowed I'd never go back, I promised myself that I'd stay away and just see, just to see if they would notice that I wasn't there, but every stupid week I'd spend 2-1/2 hours travelling to get there, and every time it was time to come home he'd have a go at me in the car, tell me I was stupid cow for going. He didn't actually care about me it was an excuse to have a go about my parents, they were not good enough for him.

I think the day that I got hurt the most was the day that Mum said they were not going to pay a penny towards my wedding if/when I get married, those few words ripped through my heart and proved to me that I am nothing to them, not even worthy of a tradition. I don't know whether it is because I left him, or what their reason behind cutting me off like that, she could NEVER understand how much those words hurt me that day, those who know me well will know it's not about money, it's the tradition, the one thing every parent gets involved in for their daughter. Maybe I am adopted, it sure as hell feels like it.

She phones to see how I am and then she swiftly goes into monologue about how she is, about how Clare is, how fantastic Amy and Joe are, about how much of a genius Olivia is about how she is already equivalent of the year above her. I feel like asking her not to bother phoning.

She's over in Germany again for a month, she text me to ask how we all are and to see how Euan got on with Social Worker. I haven't text back yet because I can't be arsed. It costs HER money when I send texts whilst she's in Germany and to explain the SW visit and everything it entails would use up at least four texts, she's probably already spent a fortune of Dad's money as it is *rolls eyes*

She's 55 this year and she does text speak and thinks she's really with it, when I show her texts to Simon he just laughs.

I've not checked up on Dad yet to see how he is, usually he copes pretty nicely without Mum, there's no point texting him to see how he is because he just doesn't do texts. Not to me anyway. Probably does to his 'little princess' but that's another matter.

Didn't see Charlene on tonight when I was on but she often comes on later anyway. Bless her heart, her favourite hamster in the whole world died today, she must feel bloody rotten a lot of her little'uns have gone to the bridge recently, it must be hard to stay positive and look to the future.

I can hear my little pompom's in the foodbowl again, maybe they're searching for something in particular.....

Rabbits are weather proofed for another winter thanks to Si, I really miss going out and feeding them, having them fight my hand as I stocked up their foodbowl, trying to pull it away from me to start scoffing before I've even finished, they're right lazy buggers too, hardly ever see them chasing each other around, it's funny when they do though, Theo will chase Jasmin around, then Jasmin will take over and chase Theo lol

Just thinking of the huge shopping list I have to write for tomorrow, why is it that we run out of everything big and expensive at the same time?

Got to remember kitchen roll, you dont realise how many uses it has and how utterly usefull it is until you run out of it *puts huge amount of kitchen roll on shopping order*. lol

We are still finding places where there is a small puddle of water, there was quite a big one underneath the TV stand unit thingy, not sure WHY it reminded me but we haven't checked under the rat cage yet, nor under the fridge. *on list of things to do tomorrow* whilst we have the rat cage out I can retrieve items from under the stairs that we desperately need like my wheelchair pump for one heheh there's also a few other bits in there that we are going to need. I wonder if I should see if any fish tank water has gotten in there? That's all the Christmas lights buggered if it has :( will calm down and wait and see tomorrow I've gotta get it all out at some point to put the decs up anyway, the only place it can go is in the window lol That'll be fun trying to open and close the curtains every morning/night lol

I'm quite looking forward to Christmas this year because it will be the first year that we know we've not got to move anywhere else after Christmas and it'll be the first Christmas that we can remotely afford it. The Newberry family meal is on too, which is something I used to look forward to every year. I'm really looking forward to it, Simon's Uncle Chris sat next to me at the last two family do's because he wanted to talk to me regarding my health and his own. Wonder if he will opt to do that again.

We're at Simon's parents for Christmas Day and then my parent's on Boxing Day. I love Christmas Day at Christina's house it's all so very special and warm and Christina works so hard and makes a fantastic feast fit for a King on Christmas Day and it's all brilliant and magical and Christmas :) I hope it snows this year. I can't believe that last bout only lasted a day, the frost preserved a lot of it and then it was gone.